EDDIE don't jump

saint

Go Heels
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I just can't imagine Eddie in a good mood anyways. We are at least guaranteed 4 more years of anger-ridden posts!
 

Eddie Haskell

Matt 02-12-11
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Thank you Eric for the kind note. However, I have been considering jumping but, not in the manner in which I believe you propose. Actually, I have been considering jumping websites. A competitor of Madjacks has offered me a sweet little package if I bring my wit, inteligence, reasonableness and lucid commentary, exclusively, to his website.

Although I haven't made a decision at this time, my agent and I are mulling over the offer. I feel a deep and sincere sense of loyalty to Jack as he took a chance on me and allowed me to post the nearly 1900 gems over the last 3 1/2 plus years. I will say however, that the consistent name calling and personal attacks that have been hurled my way by the neanderthal, troglodyte, right wing factions that dominate this board have made me feel somewhat, shall we say, unwanted.

As such, I am giving serious consideration, as a free agent celebrity poster, to providing my services exclusively to another competetor website. In addition, my agent has suggested that I branch out on my own and form my own site possibly named MadEddies. These options are being discused with my upper level management team and will hopefully be resolved in the near future.

As indicated earlier, I do have a sense of loyalty to Jack but, admittedly have been adversely affected by the virtiol and negativity that I feel coming from some. As such, without committing one way or the other, I have formulated a list of demands which, at a threshold level, must be met in order for me to consider staying here a Madjacks throught a second term.

Here is my list:

1. A public apology thread entitled "We are sorry Eddie" with sincere and humbling posts from Ferdville, Intense Operator, MichaelJBird, Gibber, and Mjolnir apologizing for there attacks on me that remains on top of each and every General Discussion forum and Handicapping forum for one year.

2. Permanent, complete and total banishment, banning and vilification of Dr. Freeze with a public display of his ip number so that he is prevented from posting under any other alias user names and further that all prior threads and post by Dr. Freeze are deleted and that his name if never to be mentioned again by any poster and, if so, such poster is forever and permanently banned.

3. Requirement that Fletcher successfully complete two year course in creative writing, spelling, diction, complete sentence formation and anger management with weekly posting of his grades, homwork assignments and class progress by his instructors.

4. Proof of Raymonds weekly attendance at alcoholics anonymous meetings as well as proof of Jacks successful completion of a remedial drivers education class.

5. Immediate and permanent requirement that Missy, Helen and Tara disengage the "ignore" feature whenever I post here at Madjacks.

6. My own forum entitled "Rationale, reasonable and right!!!, the Eddie Haskell Memorial Forum" of which I am the moderator with total and complete control and power over any posts.

7. Any future threads initiated by Dogs that Bark be immediately removed to a seperate forum entitled "Lunatic Ravings from the Right" with three reply posts being automatically attached to the thread with smiles rolling around laughing and eyes raised.

8. Restriction of all future posts by Chanman to two sentences per post with no more than 10 words per sentence without link ability.

9. Immediate retrieval and reproduction of the Cyrus/TwoFingers argument thread.

10. Line item veto power provided to me that I may delete any thread, post, or portion thereof, that I, in my sole discretion deem inappropriate.

Jack I do not believe that these demands are out of line. In addition, the popularity and attractablility of my threads and posts have not gone unoticed by this writer. As such I propose that I share in the action that I bring to this website.

I believe that for each thread I start using my name, I receive remuneration from you in the amount of $1.00 per thread. In addition, for each reply I make to a thread which I have started or to which any other person has started, I receive $.50.

But since I bring viewers to your site, I believe I should also be compensated for each view of a thread which I have started or in which I have posted a reply. For each such view, I believe a charge of $.10 would be reasonable.

My threads in the General Discussion forums are by far the most popular and widely viewed. If the other guys offer me a better deal, in all likelhood, I will take many posters with me. As most, if not all of these clowns are degenerate, pathetic drooling 24/7 gamblers who are just dying to get the latest line on the next WNBA game, you may want to give serious consideration to my proposal as your advertisers could easily follow me to my own site or the site of your competitors.

This is not an issue of outsourcing Jack, it is just good old competetive capitalism. In addition, you know that I am developing a pretty fair following with my handicapping ability. As a matter of fact I have an umblemished record in the NFL with last years pick of the winless 10 1/2 point underdog Bengals over the undefeated Chiefs. I told my followers screw the points and take the money line. Sure enough, I was right and my followers handsomely profited.

As an addition incentive to get me to stay, I would like my own handicapping forum. I believe in quality and not quantity picks unlike most of the other pondscum who charge for their worthless dart board picks. Box and One has indicated a desire to join me as my exclusive college basketball picker if I develop my own site or go with your competitor.

Jack, these are my demands. If you care to discuss them further have your girl call my girl and we will do lunch. I look forward to your response.

Eddie
 
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Mjolnir

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wow. i didnt catch you calling anyone a nazi or say your sleeping with their wife. whats wrong?
 

Eddie Haskell

Matt 02-12-11
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Mjonir:

I would make a comment about sleeping with your wife or girlfriend but sincerely doubt that an individual with your apparent shortcomings as displayed by your obvious lack of any sense of humor would have a wife, girlfriend or life partner for that matter anyway.

Therefore, no girlfriend jab you solitary, pathetic, overweight loser. Although I've never seen you, nor do I intend to, I imagine you look alot like Cyrus from Rancho Bernardo.

Ed
 

THE KOD

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Ed

Glad my name wasn't mentioned. Didn't hear you call anyone hitler either.

As for your new venture...

Good luck

:sadwave: :sadwave: :sadwave:
 

THE KOD

Registered
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Ed

Havn't found Jesus yet, I am afraid he might send me to try and convert some lions at Grant Park.

good will always win over evil.

PS . I think Teresa Heinz ended up losing it for Kerry.
 

Eddie Haskell

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Scott:

Now that I've crawled out of my depression, my thoughts on the loss, in no particular order:

Edwards (not strong), Rove (genius using fear and anti-gay message in midwest), Kerry (inablility to get anyone warm and fuzzy), your average stupid american who will vote against there own economic and safety interests when presented with a lot of patriotic and religous propoganda.

How Rove figured out that the average out of work blue collar dolt from Stark county Ohio would vote for Bush when his job was gone, by inundating him with repeated doses of anti-gay, flag waving, garbage deserves the cover of Time.

As I think the London Daily Mirror had for its headline on Thursday morning "How can 59 million people be so dumb."

Eddie
 

Chanman

:-?PipeSmokin'
Forum Member
Such genius, if only it could be harnessed.

Great mea culpa Eddie. You really do personify your namesake. Among others: Beaver, Ferdville, Channie, Whitey& Dogs are continually subjected to your upper level pranks& wit by yourself, Lumpy, MC, StevieD& Spang to name a few. Don't worry there is plenty of fodder out there for your side such as http://www.bluelemur.com/ I won't post anymore links per your instructions.

Its Friday, take off early, hit the links tomorrow, spend sometime w/the Trophy on the Sabbath and we'll see you back here Monday. :)

P.S.- There is a MadEddies already...

MadEddies Political Arena
 

pirate fan

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Aug 24, 2002
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Eddie, I find your list of demands quite reasonable. Hope Jack realizes your value to the forum. :rolleyes: lol I thought of you when I heard that people who go to Church regularly voted for Bush by over 20 points while non-church goers voted Kerry by over 20 pts. Think religious or lack of them played a role in this election for sure.
 

Eddie Haskell

Matt 02-12-11
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Thank you PF. I, like Corey Dillon in Cincinnati, love the place and never want to leave. Interesting that Kerry, a devout Catholic, became associated with non-churchgoers. Again, Rove genius at work in transforming an election which should have been about foreign and domestic policy into one where the deciding issues here in the God awful midwest concerned whether two fudgepackers get married and if they could bring guns to the wedding.

Ed
 
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