advice on a funeral

[ELVIS]

the wife's great grand dad died. now i am requested to attend. 2 - 11hr dives in a 3 day period or 2 rountrip flights in the same time. kicker, 12 week old son on trip. the deceased is already been cremated. i am the a$$ for not wanting to go. this man was a great influence on all, but never came to memphis to visit. we always visited him and he is dead at almost 90. he was a millionaire, yet i payed for every trip to see him in the past. we are building a house and have 2 other children. i do not want to drive or fly, nor do i want the wife to take the boy by herself either. he does not sleep yet and i do not want to drive 22hrs in 3 days listening to constant crying, nor do i want to send the wife on a plane with a bunch of pissed off people listening either. plus i am worried over her dealing with the infant for 3 days :flying,rental car,etc. the wife is just coming off of maternity leave (this week) and now asking for favors to get off of work. no one but her mom and dad think she should go.

i am i a selfish prick? sure i am , but should she stay or go and why should i support?

 

[saint]

Eh what do I know I'm a younger fella on here but I'll at least give an opinion. As much of a pain as it sounds like for you, as you said you made the trip many times. Although it will be a pain in the arse for you to do it, this will be the last time and it's the 'right' thing to do. What's one more time when you know it will be the last time.

 

[homedog]

I don't see any need to go either, but if she wants to go you should suck it up.

 

[ELVIS]

well, the problem is that this is the great grand father. the entire group of relatives on her mom's side live there. i hate to set a precedent. also, if the children were older she could go by herself. i have already offered this, but it won't work because he is breast feeding - according to her. if it were her alone, and i keep the children (this to would suck) i would go for it. :shrug:

i again will mention he has been cremated. they are there to look at at a vase full of ashes. i don't want to make light of this, but i do not care if anyone besides the wife/children attend my funeral when it happens. :sadwave:

 

[doochuk]

i would not go-----and that does make me a bad person---i am on the same page as you Elvis---

 

[Mjolnir]

is the lifetime of grief worth it. i know alot of women, that if they were in this situation, would never let him hear the end of it.

 

[THE KOD]

Elvis

I would have to say that its best to go. Grieving is a funny thing to explain especially for woman. And it was her relative.

Just because he is already cremated does not mean the same funeral and respect is due.

Also make sure you attend the reading of the will. If he leaves your wife a few hundred grand
the ride home would be pure bliss.

Note - Dear Elvis

Thanks for visiting me all those years. Great Grandpa $$$$

 

[SixFive]

I don't blame you in the least for not wanting you or your family to go. That's too hard a trip on that young of a child. I know that baby has loose stools since he is breast feeding. Add a trip to that, and he's going to be 'squishy' the whole way. Been there, done that, and it's not fun!! Even a 4 hour trip would be pure misery.

Something that has always helped us out in making decisions that are hard to make is to do a pro/con list.

PRO
1)see the grandfather off/wife wants to go
2)visit with relatives

CON
1)you can't afford it
2)your wife can't get the time off for the trip easily
3)it's way too far for a baby to be travelling, and he would have to go
4)you don't want to go

 

[s_dooley24]

if you're worried about the cost you can tell the airline of the circumstances and they may give you a bereavement (sp?) rate

 

[SixFive]

if you're worried about the cost you can tell the airline of the circumstances and they may give you a bereavement (sp?) rate

that worked well for George Costanza! :scared

 

[bjfinste]

I'd probably go. If it were a wedding I'd skip it, since most people have 2-3 weddings in their lives. People only die once.

 

[selkirk]

Six Five nothing worked for George, that was the same episode at the Double dip the chip. I can remember that...no idea why;

you should go, funerals, are for the most part a waste of time and money. when I kick off will have a party/barbecue.

however it is a chance for your wife to see family. I have a friend she goes out of her way on trips to visit second cousins more than I have seen my first cousins. in a way it is nice to keep in touch with a large extended family.

the trip may be one from hell, but believe it is the wifes call, it is her side of the family.

thanks
selkirk