Back to the Debacle.. I am fucked Now..

[bleedingpurple]

I don't know if many of you remember about the post I made about being with someone 10 years ago and I helped take care of her boy for about 2 years.. His age was about 3 - 5.. She found me on facebook a while back and I kept things at a distance.... Now it is starting to heat up in this way.. I love the boy he has never left my heart.. I know you shouldn't talk to internet friends about this stuff but my friends will all say, "fuck it, fuck her." It's not about her.. To refresh.. We were in our early 20s and we lived together and she had a young boy and we moved in together and I helped raise him for 2 years.. She left me for a rich man that was 20 years older. Devastated me.. She found me on facebook not to long ago and told me about her life and she WAS married and I was glad just to see the pictures of the boy at 14 just to see how he had grown which hurt me in the guts.. We had talked on FB and I said that maybe we shouldn't talk too much. She was living in Texas at the time.. Well now she moved out of Texas and is getting a divorce and now she is bugging me at the time. Her son's father which is different from her currtent husband commited suicide when the boy was 10 and the soon to be ex is not that caring about the boy. THe way she makes it sound.. Can't trust her from my point of view. She has just moved recently in the vacinity, close to be around family and friends. Well after all this time she says it was her boy that made her find me on facebook. He wants to meet me.. There is absolutely no doubt that he is in my heart and dreams and I have agreed.. Maybe a dumb choice., Hsven't told my currnet GF about it but I don't give a fuck. AM I fucking up here? i probably am but I am 36 no kids and if I can help the kid out then I don't care. I am not attracted to his mom anymore she doesn't look the same but is this meeting go to mean to more or am I being stupid? I guess I am a big boy no matter what my buds say and am willing to chance it..

 

[hedgehog]

I say go for it

 

[bleedingpurple]

It's so tough because the time has been so long, but she know that I love him still. I am just wondering if she has some deep down hidden ideas. I don't know. She tells me that she made a big mistake years ago but didn't know how to rectify it. There are so many times over the years that he has been in my dreams.. I am goint to meet them but I just do not know what to do.. IT has been so long.

 

[vinnie]

I am just wondering if she has some deep down hidden ideas.

I'd be careful of that don't let her ruin your life again.

 

[bleedingpurple]

I'd be careful of that don't let her ruin your life again.

Oh yeah of course.. I am just worried about the boy.. Mom can fuck off. So I think. That is why I dont ask my buds about it because they watched me not eat for days back then so for that part I have alligator skin now. It is funny because my mom help take care of him in those 2 years by babysitting when we would go out and she was devastated.. Now that she has grandchildren she is fine but I told her about this the other day and she looked at me funny.. Like I was a "fool." And my mom is usually "spot on." But I told her if I can give him a friend or somebody to go fishing with then what do I care? Maybe that was meant for me, maybe not?? Time will tell.

 

[Trampled Underfoot]

Oh yeah of course.. I am just worried about the boy.. Mom can fuck off. So I think. That is why I dont ask my buds about it because they watched me not eat for days back then so for that part I have alligator skin now. It is funny because my mom help take care of him in those 2 years by babysitting when we would go out and she was devastated.. Now that she has grandchildren she is fine but I told her about this the other day and she looked at me funny.. Like I was a "fool." And my mom is usually "spot on." But I told her if I can give him a friend or somebody to go fishing with then what do I care? Maybe that was meant for me, maybe not?? Time will tell.

You are fucking nuts. Don't let this bitch get in your head. You better stay away. If you do this, this is not going to end pretty. Mark my words.

 

[Trampled Underfoot]

I'm telling you she is after something. She dumped you for a rich man before and now she is looking to try to milk you again.

Its hard for any of us to know the true story but this is big time trouble from the sound of it.

 

[bleedingpurple]

I'm telling you she is after something. She dumped you for a rich man before and now she is looking to try to milk you again.

Its hard for any of us to know the true story but this is big time trouble from the sound of it.

LOL I don't give a fuck about her. I am just looking out for the boy.. I am not going to fall in her web again.. But the advice is solid.. And noted. I know what I am getting into.. So I think

 

[Trampled Underfoot]

LOL I don't give a fuck about her. I am just looking out for the boy.. I am not going to fall in her web again.. But the advice is solid.. And noted. I know what I am getting into.. So I think

This is still really dangerous. Be careful. Women can be very convincing.

 

[bleedingpurple]

This is still really dangerous. Be careful. Women can be very convincing.

Yeah I hear yah but I just can't let it go now.. I'm a big boy. Just want to hear what the kid has to say.

 

[bleedingpurple]

Another thing. I have been in and out of so many relationships that nothing sill shock me I don't think. I think it is more curiousity but it did kill the cat didn't it?

 

[bleedingpurple]

Plus I was a much more naive back then. I have a strong mind on my shoulders now. Unless it revolves around a parlay :mj07:

 

[Trampled Underfoot]

Unless it revolves around a parlay :mj07:

:mj07:

 

[The Joker]

Damn. This is a big one - very dynamic, meaning this decision affects so many things.

I know you're looking for advice, but I don't think any of it will help......this is deep.

Huge decision.

Consider this - your decision will FOREVER affect the life of that boy. His entire life will be changed. FOREVER, no matter what you choose.


Good luck.

 

[DZ]

I understand you feelings BP. I tend to sympathize with the boy here as I understand the feeling/need for a male role model or father figure growing up (my father passed away when I was 7). I looked up mostly to my friends fathers and the occassional boyfriend of my mothers that would pass through. That age of this boy is a very difficult one as you are beginning to seriously think about girls and trying to learn how to become a man and it sounds like the poor kid has already been through an awful lot. there are SO MANY things you can and need to learn about growing up that you just can't get from a female parental figure. If in fact it IS HIM who WANTS to reconnect with you and he's not being forced by his mother I don't see the harm in it. I obviously understand why you'd be wary of the mother, and I would advise that you keep your distance, but since you guys are talking again, would it be so hard to explain to her over the phone or on FB that you'd be happy to spend time with the boy on condition that she not be anywhere near you when you see him? Just make it clear that you won't see him if she wants to hang around just to verify that this is being done in HIS best interest.
I wish you the best of luck going forward with this BP. I'm sure you'll make a well thought out decision. Just remember to be aware of ending up in any difficult/compromising situations with this lady when you feel that it's bad news. Ask yourself when you are about to go through with this if it is something that's going to make you happy, or will it be something that will mess up your life ultimately?
One thing I did learn from my mother though is that they always know best (just my thought on your moms reaction).

 

[gardenweasel]

bp...sorry if this sounds crass...but i`d wager it`s her that`s in your head...not the boy...

i suspect you`re heading for a big fall somewhere down the line......she`s trouble...but you`re an adult..it`s your life....

i hope i`m wrong....if i am ,i apologize in advance......

 

[lawtchan]

I'd be careful of that don't let her ruin your life again.

THAT is exactly what I was thinking....

She kicked you in the heart once, and never looked back....


until....


Oh Yeah, when she's divorced.....

BP, this is a tough one...you say
" Mom can fuck off. So I think"...sounds too me she's making an impact already...

See the boy, IMO,esp if he did initiate the contact...TELL the girlfriend also...this ex WILL inject herself into your life now and you will hear'

"I made the biggest mistake, I never should have left you, I was confused..blah blah blah,..."

BE STRONG...


on a different note...I am Cubmaster of our Cub Scout Pack and we have some scouts in single (mom) parent homes...its true..they are in NEED of attention. Every outing/meeting they want to talk about what they have done, sports, etc....looking for male companionship...and they are only 7,8, or 9...I could imagine a 14 yrd old w/o having someone 'close' to him, could be starving for the same compaionship...

anyway..good luck

 

[StevieD]

Not sure how serious you are with your current GF but I would be upfront with her and try to get her to go with you when you meet the boy and his mother.

 

[Lumi]

It takes one false accusation from this wing nut to your current or to law enforcement and you have a new boyfriend ! :nono:

She can have the reputatation of Tonya Harding and you can be handcuffed 25 feet away from her, and BOOM RAPE ! comes flying out of her man pleaser and you are playing drop the soap ! OUCH ! :moon:

 

[bleedingpurple]

bp...sorry if this sounds crass...but i`d wager it`s her that`s in your head...not the boy...

I hope i`m wrong....if i am ,i apologize in advance......

This would be one wager that you would lose. I would be more than willing to meet with the boy alone and I think ihs mother will let us after a few meetings. I mean we haven't seen each other in a long time and she is just not going to hand me her 14 year old child..
I do understand why people would think that way but when you get stomped onand heal, and find there are many. many more women then she becomes rather irrelavent.