> > "Nine Top Sex Jokes Of All Time"
> > > # 9
> > > A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As
> > > he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman
>
> > > beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are
> > > both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as
> > > soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She
> > > replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm
> > > in room 1221."
> > >
> > > *******************************************************
> > > # 8
> > > A young man walks up and sits down at the bar.What can
> > > I get you?" the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of
> > > Jagermeister," responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you
> > > celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob." "Well, in that
> > > case, let me give you a 7th on the house." "No offence, sir. But if
> > > 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will.
> > >
> > > *******************************************************
> > > #7
> > > A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to
> > > be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief
> > > hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual
> > > statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very
> > > interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that
> > > American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men
> > > have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name
> > > is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto
> > > Kowalski, nice to meet you."
> > >
> > > *******************************************************
> > > # 6
> > > One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband
> > > gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing
> > > her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry
> > > honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow
> > > and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected,
> > > turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later,
> > > he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time
> > > he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist
> > > appointment tomorrow too?"
> > >
> > > *******************************************************
> > > # 5
> > > Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed
> > > there for a number of years when he came home one day
> > > to confess to his wife that he had a terrible
> > > compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle
> > > slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to
> > > talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He
> > > vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks
> > > later, Bill came home. His wife could see at once that something
> > > was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she
> > > asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this
> > > tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle
> > > slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My
> > > God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill.
> > > I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
> > > "Oh...she got fired too."
> > >
> > > *******************************************************
> > > #4
> > > A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has
> > > been in a coma for several years. On this visit he
> > > decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking
> > > to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man
> > > runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good
> > > sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right
> > > breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes
> > > in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan.
> > > From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go
> > > in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as
> > > it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed.
> > > The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a
> > > sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what
> > > happened to which the man replies: "She choked."
> > >
> > > *******************************************************
> > > # 3
> > > A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his
> > > side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to
> > > the astonished patrons. I'll make you a deal. I'll
> > > open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals
> > > inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one
> > > minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my
> > > unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this
> > > spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink. "The crowd murmured
> > > their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers,
> > > and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator
> > > closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man
> > > grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the
> > > top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the
> > > man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The
> > > crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were
> > > delivered. The man stood up again and made another
> > > offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a
> > > try". A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a
> > > hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly
> > > spoke up. "I'll try, but you do not have to hit me on the head
> > > with the beer bottle".
> > >
> > > *******************************************************
> > > # 2
> > > A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets
> > > in there a huge black dude is standing next to him. The
> > > big black dude looks down upon the small white guy and
> > > says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound
> > > left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown" The small white guy
> > > faints!! The big black dude picks up the small white guy and brings
> > > him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small white
> > > guy. "What's wrong?". The small white guy says; "Excuse me
> > > but what did you say?" The big black dude looks down
> > > and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3
> > > pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner
> > > Brown." The small white guy says, "Thank god, I
> > > thought you said, "Turn around."
> > >
> > > *******************************************************
> > > # 1
> > > There was this couple who had been married for 50
> > > years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one
> > > morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey,
> > > we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think,
> > > fifty years ago we were sitting here at his breakfast table
> > > together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting
> > > here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well,"
> > > Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get
> > > naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and
> > > sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little
> > > old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot
> > > for you today as they were fifty years ago."
> > > "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps.
> > > "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.......
> > > # 9
> > > A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As
> > > he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman
>
> > > beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are
> > > both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as
> > > soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She
> > > replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm
> > > in room 1221."
> > >
> > > *******************************************************
> > > # 8
> > > A young man walks up and sits down at the bar.What can
> > > I get you?" the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of
> > > Jagermeister," responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you
> > > celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob." "Well, in that
> > > case, let me give you a 7th on the house." "No offence, sir. But if
> > > 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will.
> > >
> > > *******************************************************
> > > #7
> > > A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to
> > > be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief
> > > hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual
> > > statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very
> > > interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that
> > > American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men
> > > have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name
> > > is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto
> > > Kowalski, nice to meet you."
> > >
> > > *******************************************************
> > > # 6
> > > One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband
> > > gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing
> > > her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry
> > > honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow
> > > and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected,
> > > turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later,
> > > he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time
> > > he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist
> > > appointment tomorrow too?"
> > >
> > > *******************************************************
> > > # 5
> > > Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed
> > > there for a number of years when he came home one day
> > > to confess to his wife that he had a terrible
> > > compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle
> > > slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to
> > > talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He
> > > vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks
> > > later, Bill came home. His wife could see at once that something
> > > was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she
> > > asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this
> > > tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle
> > > slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My
> > > God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill.
> > > I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
> > > "Oh...she got fired too."
> > >
> > > *******************************************************
> > > #4
> > > A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has
> > > been in a coma for several years. On this visit he
> > > decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking
> > > to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man
> > > runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good
> > > sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right
> > > breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes
> > > in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan.
> > > From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go
> > > in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as
> > > it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed.
> > > The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a
> > > sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what
> > > happened to which the man replies: "She choked."
> > >
> > > *******************************************************
> > > # 3
> > > A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his
> > > side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to
> > > the astonished patrons. I'll make you a deal. I'll
> > > open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals
> > > inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one
> > > minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my
> > > unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this
> > > spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink. "The crowd murmured
> > > their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers,
> > > and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator
> > > closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man
> > > grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the
> > > top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the
> > > man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The
> > > crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were
> > > delivered. The man stood up again and made another
> > > offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a
> > > try". A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a
> > > hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly
> > > spoke up. "I'll try, but you do not have to hit me on the head
> > > with the beer bottle".
> > >
> > > *******************************************************
> > > # 2
> > > A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets
> > > in there a huge black dude is standing next to him. The
> > > big black dude looks down upon the small white guy and
> > > says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound
> > > left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown" The small white guy
> > > faints!! The big black dude picks up the small white guy and brings
> > > him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small white
> > > guy. "What's wrong?". The small white guy says; "Excuse me
> > > but what did you say?" The big black dude looks down
> > > and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3
> > > pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner
> > > Brown." The small white guy says, "Thank god, I
> > > thought you said, "Turn around."
> > >
> > > *******************************************************
> > > # 1
> > > There was this couple who had been married for 50
> > > years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one
> > > morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey,
> > > we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think,
> > > fifty years ago we were sitting here at his breakfast table
> > > together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting
> > > here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well,"
> > > Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get
> > > naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and
> > > sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little
> > > old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot
> > > for you today as they were fifty years ago."
> > > "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps.
> > > "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.......
