a guy walks into a bar with a dog....

[gardenweasel]

a guy walks into a bar with a dog....he claims the dog can talk. ..."give me a beer and i'll show you."

the bartender slides a beer to him and the man asks the dog, "fido, what is that above our heads?" ...the dog says, "roof!" ..

the irritated bartender says, "that's not talking, he sounds like any other dog."...

the man says, "o.k, how about this - fido, who was the best baseball player of all time?" ...

the dog says, "ruth!"..the bartender throws the man and the dog out of the bar...

fido says to the man, "ya think i shouldda said dimaggio?"



//////

 

[MadJack]

:lol:

 

[MadJack]

Heard it a thousand times and still :lol:

 

[gardenweasel]

a giraffe walks into a bar....the bartender says, "do you want a long neck?" ..the giraffe says, "do I have a choice?" .....



//////////////////////////////

 

[jawaiian playa]

:lol: :toast:

glta!

 

[gardenweasel]

celine dion walks into a bar. ....the bartender says, "so, why the long face?"
.....


:mj07:

 

[gardenweasel]

a grasshopper hops into a bar....the bartender says, "you're quite a celebrity around here...we've even got a drink named after you."

the grasshopper says, "you've got a drink named steve?" ......

 

[Sportsaholic]

a grasshopper hops into a bar....the bartender says, "you're quite a celebrity around here...we've even got a drink named after you."

the grasshopper says, "you've got a drink named steve?" ......

I don't get it :shrug:

 

[THE KOD]

Daili Lama walks into a Pizza Hut


Goes up to the counter the guy says what will you have.

Dalli Lama says

I Am One With Everything....

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ..............

 

[gardenweasel]

a little guy walks into a bar and slips on some vomit...minutes later a tough guy walks into the bar and slips on the vomit as well. ..

the little guy says, "i just did that." ...the big guy then beats the little guy up. .....

 

[gardenweasel]

a skeleton walks into a bar and says, "gimme a beer, and a mop."


:mj07:

 

[MadJack]

a grasshopper hops into a bar....the bartender says, "you're quite a celebrity around here...we've even got a drink named after you."

the grasshopper says, "you've got a drink named steve?" ......

:mj07: :mj07: :mj07:

 

[MadJack]

A man walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, I can't serve you here unless you are wearing a tie."

The man says, "Okay, I'll be right back," and goes to his car to find anything he can use for a tie. All he finds is a set of jumper cables, so he ties them around his neck,
goes back in and asks, "How's this?"

The bartender replies, "Well, okay, but don't start anything."

 

[Sportsaholic]

a skeleton walks into a bar and says, "gimme a beer, and a mop."


:mj07:

:mj07:

 

[MadJack]

A baby seal walks into a bar and sits down. "What can I get you?" asked the bartender.

"Anything but a Canadian Club" replied the seal.




:rimshot

 

[hogman14]

3 guys walked into a bar, the 4th one ducked

 

[DOGS THAT BARK]

Tom the toothless termite walks into saloon and asks--"Where's the bartender" :SIB

 

[The Boys]

Circular Logic
Two men are in court on drug charges. The judge says, ?If, over the weekend, you can persuade enough people to give up drugs, I?ll let you two off.?

Back in court on Monday, the judge asks for their results.

?I persuaded 10 people to give up drugs forever,? the first man says.

?That?s great,? the judge replies. ?What did you tell them??

?I drew two circles; one big, one small. I told them the big circle was their brain before drugs, and the little circle was their brain after drugs.?

The other defendant says, ?I got 100 people to give up drugs!?

?One hundred! How?? asks the judge.

?Well, I drew the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and said, ?This is your asshole before prison???

 

[The Boys]

A guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator, puts the gator up on the bar, and faces the patrons. "If I open this alligator?s mouth and place my genitals inside, leave ?em there for five minutes, then remove my unit unscathed, will each of you buy me a drink?"

The crowd murmurs its approval, so he gets up on the bar, drops his pants, and places his privates in the alligator?s open mouth. The gator then closes its mouth as the crowd gasps.

After five minutes, the man grabs a beer bottle and raps the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opens its mouth and the man removes his genitals?unscathed, as promised. The crowd cheers, and the first of his free drinks is delivered.

"Anyone else have the guts to give it a try?" the man dares the crowd.

After a few seconds, a blonde woman timidly speaks up. "I?ll do it, but no hitting me on the head with the bottle."