A little Vegas humor
- Thread starter yyz
- Start date
I realize the site and link above is meant as a joke, but it amazes me that people think it's uncomfortable in Las Vegas. Give me 110 degree heat and 10 percent humidity ANY day over the hellhole here on the East Coast in the Summer months. Today it was 95 with 75 percent humidity. Back in days before air conditioning foreign diplomats used to get hardship pay for being stationed in Washington. You ever been to Houston in the Summer? How about New Orleans? It's like a goddamned steam bath! You better live in the pool or take 5 showers a day, otherwise you'll smell like a dead animal. I have found that in Las Vegas I can wear whatever I like, including a jacket, and I will rarely if ever sweat or feel uncomfortable. Yes, the sun burns and it can get very monotonous. The wind and dust can be irritating But to say it's "hotter" in Las Vegas than in these humid swamps in the East and South is just nonsense.
Bring on the flames.
Nolan Dalla
Bring on the flames.
Nolan Dalla
Very funny!
But I have to agree with Nolan.The weather in the Phoenix area is very similar to Las Vegas.There is no doubt about it.The temp. stays in the 3 digit range for about 3 1/2 months.But the humidity is very low.The evenings are not bad at all.I lived in NY most of my life & remember the summer temps being in the 90's with the humidity matching the 90's.I sweated day & nite,clothes stuck to me & just an uncomfortable feeling.The weather here is much more tolerable & would never move back east.
Now if the restaurants were as good as NY,I would be in heaven (LOL).
But I have to agree with Nolan.The weather in the Phoenix area is very similar to Las Vegas.There is no doubt about it.The temp. stays in the 3 digit range for about 3 1/2 months.But the humidity is very low.The evenings are not bad at all.I lived in NY most of my life & remember the summer temps being in the 90's with the humidity matching the 90's.I sweated day & nite,clothes stuck to me & just an uncomfortable feeling.The weather here is much more tolerable & would never move back east.
Now if the restaurants were as good as NY,I would be in heaven (LOL).
Houston is great in the summer. Walk out the door and before you can get to your car you look like you jumped into a pool with your clothes on. And how the hell people lived here before Dr Carrier brought us the greatest gift man has known is beyond me.
All I know, is that I said the exact same thing as the writer of that little ditty about the wind.....It was like a huge blow dryer! Or opening the oven door, and feeling that blast in yer puss! I absolutely hated that shit.
Another thing......hot is hot, in my book. Humididty? Dry heat? Give me tha A/C, Jack!
Another thing......hot is hot, in my book. Humididty? Dry heat? Give me tha A/C, Jack!
DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season
and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window
watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma
Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a
more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've
ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came
along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to
shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a
white
Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow
by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think
that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature
dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath
away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the
life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I
didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll
certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an
hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay
warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess
I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it
when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living
room.
December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn
stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by
twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy
playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store
around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have
another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or
the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt
till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel
and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed
again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck
for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole
is lying.
December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife
wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is
she...nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did
but I
think she's damn well lying.
December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch
who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I
know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then
he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over
where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols
with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the goddamn
snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop
tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I
hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I
hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude.
I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one
more time, I'm going to kill her.
December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It
was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is
driving me crazy!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could cavein. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
think I am?
December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a
million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother . 9"
predicted.
December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they
keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season
and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window
watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma
Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a
more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've
ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came
along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to
shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a
white
Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow
by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think
that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature
dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath
away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the
life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I
didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll
certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an
hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay
warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess
I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it
when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living
room.
December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn
stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by
twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy
playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store
around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have
another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or
the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt
till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel
and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed
again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck
for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole
is lying.
December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife
wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is
she...nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did
but I
think she's damn well lying.
December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch
who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I
know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then
he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over
where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols
with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the goddamn
snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop
tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I
hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I
hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude.
I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one
more time, I'm going to kill her.
December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It
was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is
driving me crazy!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could cavein. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
think I am?
December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a
million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother . 9"
predicted.
December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they
keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
