A group of scientists in the middle east were excited by the find of five new rock drawings, all in a line, and dating to a primitive hebrew culture. they studied them for months and then embarked on a lecture tour to explain their significance. At their first meeting they told how the first drawing, of a woman, showed that this ancient culture respected the importance of women in society and that it was one of the earliest non-sexist cultures. The second, of a donkey, demonstrated the culture was already into primitive forms of transport. The third, of a digging implement, showed they were not nomadic but a settled culture into primitive forms of cultivation. The fourth drawing, of a fish, demonstrated they had diversified out into other food sources. And the last, the star of david, showed a deeply religious side to their culture. They were just about to wind up their talk when a wizened little man in the front row piped up: No, no, you have it all wrong, in hebrew you read from right to left. Then what does it say, they demanded. That's easy, he said, and read quickly from right to left: holy mackerel, dig the ass on that woman.
A really bad joke...
- Thread starter Anders
- Start date
Anders....what's with all these posts lately..???
you're almost going to get as bad as me..??
(enter laugh track here...)
[This message has been edited by TORONTO-VIGILANTE (edited 08-15-2001).]
you're almost going to get as bad as me..??
(enter laugh track here...)
[This message has been edited by TORONTO-VIGILANTE (edited 08-15-2001).]
Anders,
That is weak.
But this one is even worse .........
Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and some what lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is so sweet, and such a gentleman, he would never go for this carrying on" So she made the supreme sacrifice, and in the end she gave up the beans.
Some months later, her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way home she passed a small diner and the odour of the baked beans was more than she could stand.
Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. She farted the whole way home.
Upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight". He then blind folded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blind fold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise that she would not remove the blind fold until he returned.
She promised and he went to answer the phone. The baked beans were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room, she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.
She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more.
Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for a good ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands on it, smiling contentedly to
herself.
She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked her if she had peeked and she assured him that she had not.
At this point he removed the blind fold and there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday" !!!!!!!!!
That is weak.
But this one is even worse .........
Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and some what lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is so sweet, and such a gentleman, he would never go for this carrying on" So she made the supreme sacrifice, and in the end she gave up the beans.
Some months later, her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way home she passed a small diner and the odour of the baked beans was more than she could stand.
Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. She farted the whole way home.
Upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight". He then blind folded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blind fold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise that she would not remove the blind fold until he returned.
She promised and he went to answer the phone. The baked beans were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room, she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.
She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more.
Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for a good ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands on it, smiling contentedly to
herself.
She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked her if she had peeked and she assured him that she had not.
At this point he removed the blind fold and there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday" !!!!!!!!!
anders' was ok, the bean one, yeah, great!!
it happened to me once (that i can recall),
either in a store or the supermarket. there wasn't a single soul on that aisle and i let go a nasty one, and no sooner done, i have had people walk toward me from both ends of the aisle!!!
needless to say, i moved about 6 feet from the scene of the crime and started looking at one potential innocent victim, to re-direct the attention to the other person. once the others started looking at everyone else, i just made a face and vanished, like suggesting the perpetrator was left behind.
sh... happens.
pep
that happy face was supposed to be a wink???
[This message has been edited by pepin46 (edited 08-16-2001).]
it happened to me once (that i can recall),
needless to say, i moved about 6 feet from the scene of the crime and started looking at one potential innocent victim, to re-direct the attention to the other person. once the others started looking at everyone else, i just made a face and vanished, like suggesting the perpetrator was left behind.
sh... happens.
pep
that happy face was supposed to be a wink???
[This message has been edited by pepin46 (edited 08-16-2001).]
