antonio/wedding/gambling

[pepin46]

sorry to butt into your personal life, but since you have made your wedding plans public, as well as your gambling, i just want to make a comment about gambling and marriage:

we have our (supposedly) bad habits, which at times take more than we had thought out of our pockets, and women absolutely don't relate to this. they either want to keep up with you dollar for dollar, or blast you for losing money you could have used for a new whatever.

i think it is best to get this out of the way before the wedding, and make it clear that as you breath, eat and fart, gambling and the time involved in it, is also part of your life. if either one of you thinks the other one will "adapt" later to his/her way, you are in for an unpleasant surprise.

i am sure others have come accross problems along these lines, and maybe they can throw their two cents worth in.


pep

 

[MadJack]

women will agree with anything 'before' the marriage, but have a habit of changing the rules 'after' the marriage.

i found it best to just keep the gambling to myself. i don't tell her anything.

 

[prospector]

what's mine is hers, what's hers is hers.
(except the bills of course)

once i fugured that simple rule out our marriage was happy and trouble free.

<hr>

seriously, (and i don't want to make a habit of be serious) i think it is all about proper time management. and in every relationship (father/son ... husband/wife ... with family/friends/pets etc.) each participant not only requires a certain amount of attention each day/week/month, but they also deserve it and even demand it.

money can have a funny effect on any relationship. but money management can be shared.

time management is something you are ultimately responsible for.

jmho

 

[Gatorbait]

Mr. Madjack....exactly

 

[MadJack]

each participant not only requires a certain amount of attention each day/week/month, but they also deserve it and even demand it.

excellent advise! thanks for the reminder as i have been slacking in that department lately.

 

[Gatorbait]

Mr. Madjack....exactly

...geeze we agree today

 

[scrubbo]

Lots of great points by all. The most important point is "THINGS WILL CHANGE AFTER YOUR MARRIED". You can count on it. You'll need to set some boundries as will she and hopefully there will be some common ground in the middle. If not, you'll end up seperated like my ass. Good luck!

 

[buddy]

"Love is blind...Marriage is an eye-opener"

 

[BahamaMama]

Come on guys..... play fair here, and i will too

my 2 cents:

I don't know what marriage has to do with this entire conversation....nor do i understand why you are blaming wives/females as being the ones to *change* after they get what they want (marriage in this instance) it's a two way street, whether marriage is involved or not, and i feel it has more to do with *time* than that piece of paper. As time goes on, BOTH parties will start to take the other a bit more for granted. one will REact to the others action moreso than they would when the relationship was new. Husbands, try treating your wife the way you treated her for the first year you knew her for a week, Wives, if there are any of you reading this.......try the same thing with your husbands...... geez will you notice a change in them, just from the change in you!!! Any relationship takes a giving of 100% from both parties, (but more than that, it takes honesty, and if someone doesn't accept gambling prior to the marriage, they sure as hell ain't gonna accept it AFTER the marriage....trying to hide what you do will only end you up in a world of hurt, cuz the truth ALWAYS comes out) just one person can't hold it together no matter how hard they try.

if anyone tries this *new relationship* actions......please let me know how it worked out

 

[redsfann]

Jack, you nailed it right on the button with your response here. If my wife had the slightest idea how much money I wagered-- I'd have been dead a LONG time ago!
Don't take that wrong the wrong way--- I have NEVER gambled household money, and I never will. The bills get paid first, the retirement accounts get money second, and I must have plenty of beer around third.....

ONLY then will money be set aside for gambling- and that amount is a LOT higher than the wife knows about...

Mama-- you tell Jaci about this here post, and I won't like you anymore......

[This message has been edited by redsfann (edited 06-18-2001).]

 

[Baker]

Agree about the rules can change after marriage, but I got married four years ago and I still made damn sure she knew what she was getting into before hand. Took her to Vegas twice before and got married on the third trip out.

Also, this is a terrible reason to get married, but I did become a much better gambler after marriage.

 

[marine]

hmmmm i just celebrated my one year anniversary last weekend and being fresh off the turnip cart i can share a few things.

1. i would like to have sex sometime before our ten year anniversary. before we were married and even on the honeymoon we had plenty (as much as possible anyway seeing as we were 1000 miles apart for a lot of the pre marriage days). After that honeymoon... WHAM. nada. my happy sock gets more action that a $2 whore these days.

2. Set ground rules for the gambling.
she knew i was doin it before we were married, and as long as i was winning she was happy with it. if i lost, she was madder than i was for losing.. L*
BUT, I kept a pretty decent in-flow of money when i was doing it. Which got put right into the checking account. I kept my starting bankroll in the accts and every couple hundred i would pull out anything over the initial roll. Hell, i paid for the honeymoon and good chunk of the reception with the $$$$. and she spent it just the same as any other source of income... fast.

A few months ago, I had to stop the offshore/backroom activites due to lack of time to do it right, and this damn time zone change.. (still havent figured out a decent way to do it being 6 hours behind everyone) and the extra money is no longer coming in... unfortunately she keeps spending at her old pace and complains we are broke all the time now.

SO, in point, gambling is probably a NECESSITY for some of us married folk. We gotta be able to keep up with the missus and her wild spending sprees, and the only way to do that without working overtime/second job is to put it all on the mighty packers and hope for the win...


Time together: Ladies, gentlemen, this is a PREMIUM. do not ever let it go to waste. stick together, do things together, yes, we all need our alone time on a daily basis, but cherish your time with your spouse. I know a lot of you were in the military and can vouge for me... these 6 month overseas deployments just SUCK for spending time with yer spouse. So take what you can get. when you can get it. Hell, it was our anniversary last week and i think i saw my wife for all of 8 hours the entire week. When i was home there was nothing more i woulda liked to do than watch the hockey finals or nba finals with a beer in hand, but you gotta balance that with the spouse quality time. ergo... no tv, be with her/him. am i upset about it? nope, its only a game.

and here is a good thing to try. for one week wake up 15 minutes earlier and just cuddle with each other. no distractions.. dogs, cats, kids, phones etc. try it for a week and see how much better things get. its amazing.

 

[dogface]

BahamaMama-

My wife changed totally. She even laughs about it now. She use to make coupons for favors, she used to wake up and make breakfast and iron my shirt before I went to work. She even wrote a letter,stating she would love to take care of me for the rest of my life.

I must be dead already!


I love her dearly, but I certainly know I didn't change! (Except for the fact my gaming is undercover, it in the open where should would even talk to my local book, not anymore.)

I have my accounts and she has hers, and we pay the joint account together for our bills, and vacations etc. Works wonderful.

Mama- Just a reminder I'm not knocking the ladies,, just stating what almost all guys experience. What happens anyway?


dogface

 

[34399]

If she knew about your gambling before she marries you then keep gambling because she knew about it, but if you tell her after you get married, then you're wrong. Make sure she knows what she's getting into. If she does know though, set limits, for instance, if you lose a certain amt, then you stop for the year.

As you can tell, I'm not married or engaged and never told anyone except my mom about my gambling so what the hell do I know....I don't know much.

 

[34399]

I'm going to make a T-shirt that says,

"I GAMBLE,
GOT A PROBLEM
WITH THAT?!?!"

On the back of the shirt it will say,

"..AND I'M NOT
EVEN IN VEGAS!!!!"

 

[BahamaMama]

This thread has brought up many questions in my head (about agreeing to anything)that i'd like to ask for you guys' opinions on in a different thread...PLEASE give some input once i get around to posting them.....Dogface.....i will still be making a post to you in this thread......and i'm betting you have changed more than you think you have....this is NOT to say that she has not changed, too....cuz i'm sure you both have (just may take me a couple more days to getting around to that post

)

Marine, you said it best with the *TIME* ....it is a NECESSITY!!!! IMHO

 

[JSMOOTH]

Heres my story...
I've been happily married for almost 6 years, during this time came 3 beautiful daughters. Anyways...
My wife knew, before we were married, that I liked to bet on sports. What she didn't know was how much flow went threw my hands each week. You see, at the time, I was acting as a middle man for a local book. I had about 20 "clients" who would use me to get their games in.
At first, she only thought it was a few people, then when we moved in together, and she saw how the phone rang off the hook every Saturday and Sunday....you get my drift?
All I can say is GOD BLESS MY WIFE
She never asks any questions, never asks how much I won or lost, politely handed me the phone if she got to it before me and when I said I had to "make a drop", she simply said OK.
Out of respect to my family, I no longer do the middle man gig, but I'm still minimally involved with a local book.
It's so much easier to boot up the computer, and click a few buttons than to sit around all weekend giving out lines.(but I do miss the kickbacks my local gave me for the business)
All said, in my opinion, most registered members of this site probably have a gambling problem. I admit that I do, even though I rarely dip into personal funds to feed my habit. Luckily, for me, I haven't ended a season in the red for a couple of years, so I keep playing with winnings. ( credit due to this site) Make sure your "other knows what he/she is getting into...even if they don't know "everything".

[This message has been edited by JSMOOTH (edited 06-23-2001).]

 

[djv]

By your wife, friend, what ever, some thing nice with some of those winnings. Or give her a few bucks and send her to play bingo.

 

[barkeep]

just my 2 cents. on saturday morning during college football season i used to call my bets in to the local from my girlfriends house, which i detest, but didn't have a choice. after a got off the phone she would just laugh and make fun of my wagers. "i can't beleive a bookie will take 1,2 and 3 dollars wagers, and your betting nickels" she would preach. "what kind of bookie takes that small of a wager?" she would ask as she laughed uncontrolably. it was GREAT! didn't have a clue. it was so hard trying to control my inner laughter, because she thinks gambling is the work of drunks and deadbeats. i'll think i'll keep her! for now.

 

[pepin46]

barkeep

when you say two cents, was that a bet?

your story is very funny. if she thinks you are a small time gambler and likes you regardless, i agree, keep her.


pep