ASSinine Thursday Plays

[Mr. Ass]

Season-To-Date: (5-4-1) +5.42 units.
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Min (-143) over Tex.
-Risking 4.29 to win 3.00
Min RL +130 over Tex.
-Risking 1.00 to win 1.30

I'll be very shocked if the Twins pesky hitters don't light up Park and send him packing by the 3rd inning. Park has the pitching talent of a retarded cabbage patch kid. Twins have been known to chew up subpar righties and Chan Ho is as subpar as you can get. The Twins are 10-2 AL when in game one of a series. I predict a score of Minnesota 8-4.

ChiAL/Det OVER 10 (-110)
-Risking 3.30 to win 3.00

Three factors made this one an easy play for me: Both pitchers have career ERA's in the 5's vs. their opponents. The over is 7-1-3 in the past 11 meetings. Steve Sparks throws like a girl. White Sox win, 9-5.

Pitt/Mil UNDER 8 (+100)
-Risking 2.00 to win 2.00

Yeah, I hate playing unders PERIOD but the under is 9-1 in Sheets' last 10 starts and is 9-3 in the past 12 meetings between these two. We'll probably have more runs scored than fan's who show up for this one. Pittsburgh wins 4-2.

Good luck,

Mr. Ass

 

[TORONTO-VIGILANTE]

good luck today...!!!

 

[thelawguy]

Your write-ups crack me up. Hey, saw this in the paper. Is this you?

KICKING ASS

by Y. Lissen
Staff Writer

LOS ANGELES-- Where did he come from? That seems to be the question being asked by many handicappers across the country. His moniker is "Mr. Ass." Although this writer's attempts to track down the ellusive A-Man have been unsuccessful, information has been coming in from sources around the country.

Known as "cheeky" as a kid, the A-man would watch every sport he could get his eyes on, often watching badminton on late night spanish cable stations. When teased in school about the countless hours invested in capping jai lai or greyhound racing, Cheeky would simply retort with the same phrase his Dad repeated often: "If you can bet on it...then its a sport."

As a teen, Cheeky knew that he would have to change his persona in order to be respected by other cappers and degenerate gamblers. So, he changed his name to "Kiss Ass." One of his close friends, who had been smart enough to turn to drinking at an early age instead of gambling, had actually learned how to spell and suggested that Kiss Ass convert the first two s's to 'ck.' This turned out to be a turning point, as "Kick Ass," armed with a new name, headed to Vegas to make the 'big' money and see T&A at a very reasonable price.

It wasn't long before the land of lights and late nights took its toll on Kick Ass. A 3-0 day would be followed by an 0-3 day. An early game would come in strong only to be followed by a big vig loser in the late game. Kick Ass became dejected and questioned his abilities to cap games. He became confused and would try to figure out what went wrong with the day's picks by playing bingo or nickel slots. Why had the big unit given up 5 runs...why had that closer walked three in the ninth? How could someone sit and play nickel slots for ten hours and make a net profit of $3.25? Nothing made sense anymore. Kick Ass was at low spot and something had to give.

It was this path, though, that put Kick Ass on the road to success. While sitting in the sportsbook at 2:00 a.m. after a 17 inn. loss by the Dodgers, Kick Ass was amazed to realize that the sportsbook was packed with others, just like himself, half shaking their heads, the other half weeping, who had been stupid enough to bet on the Los Angeles Chokers. It was THAT night that Kick Ass formed a support group....a group of losers that he could get a consensus from and then fade them for a hefty profit. Within a month, Kick Ass was back on top! Making a solid profit off those who didn't deserve to be betting in the first place.

For years, Kick Ass befriended hack gamblers...lotto addicted housewives....and superbowl "proposition" bettors....taking the best of the worst and simply going the other way. The rest, as they say, is history.

But why is this enigma now known as "Mr. Ass" you say. Apparently in 1998, Kick Ass was contacted by copyright infringement lawyers working for a japanese line of fast food chilli restaurants known by the same name. A settlement was reached with undisclosed terms---evidently forcing him to drop "kick."

 

[Mr. Ass]

2 Added Plays...

2 Added Plays...

LOL, nah, not me.

ADDED PLAYS...

ChiAL -1.5 RL (+120)
-Risking 3.00 to win 3.60
4 words...STEVE SPARKS IS PITCHING. Nuff' said.

Pitt (-103)
-Risking 3.09 to win 3.00
Pitt has owned the Brew Crew and are sending a pretty damn good pitcher to the hill in Josh Fogg. Sheets is reeling and should continue his plummett.

Good luck,

Mr. Ass

 

[Noclue#1]

Nice night so far Jack ASS!!


Keep it up!

 

[Mr. Ass]

Sparks Didn't Disappoint...

Sparks Didn't Disappoint...

Thursday 7/11: (5-1) 83.3% +13.60

Updated Season Record: (10-5-1) 67% +19.02

Sparks still sucks, Chan Ho still sucks (5 BB in 6.1 IP's), and Pitt and Milwaukee still can't score runs. Pretty profitable night.

Hope you all also had a great night. See you tomorrow.

Mr. Ass :thefinger

 

[Theboundbook]

Nice roll there ass! Keep up the good work!

 

[Snake Plissken]

You are kicking Ass Ass