Bad day, jokes needed......

Senor Capper

is feeling it
Channel Member
Nov 14, 2000
24,637
103
63
Vegas
www.SenorCapper.com
Wow what a bogus day. Any good jokes out there?

Here's a old one.....

Airplane Encounter

A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances
up and sees a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "Business trip or
vacation?"
She turns, smiles and says, "Business. I'm going to the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago.."

He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting next to him and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asks, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer", she says, "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular
myths about sexuality."

"Really," he says, swallowing hard, "What myths are those?"

"Well", she explains, "One popular myth is that African American men are
the most well endowed when, in fact, its the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually
it is the men of Jewish descent.

However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is
the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. "I'm sorry",she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name!"

"Tonto!", the man says,
"Tonto Goldstein!....
But my friends call me Bubba".
 

Anders

Bandit
Forum Member
Dec 17, 2000
4,120
2
0
New Zealand
Sorry to hear you're having a bad day SC - that one's an oldie but goldie, still makes me laugh.

Here's my best shot for today -

Bloke walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his fly.
Bartender says to him - "Hey buddy, you've got a steering wheel hanging outta ya fly there."
Bloke replies - "Yeah, I know it's driving me f***ing nuts!"

biggrin.gif
cool.gif
 

Dudley Stew

Registered User
Forum Member
Apr 10, 2001
36
0
0
Chicago
Hey Anders,

Welcome back!!

I hope that all went well in the infirmary. You seem to be back in good form with a funny joke.

With apologies to 'Squeeze', I sure hope that they weren't 'pulling mussels (muscles) from the shell' at the hospital.

Your bud, dud.
 

Anders

Bandit
Forum Member
Dec 17, 2000
4,120
2
0
New Zealand
Hey DS - thanx pal.

Getting there slowly; I'm sure some of your fave bands and songs would make me, SC and many others laugh out loud
wink.gif
biggrin.gif


Sorry mate, excuse the cruel Kiwi sense of humour
smile.gif
 

BahamaMama

not banned
Forum Member
Dec 6, 1999
3,933
9
0
65
Davenport, Iowa
Bob lived in an apartment building and had to walk down the hall every morning to get his mail. One morning while getting his mail, his new (drop dead gorgeous) neighbor slinked out of her apartment towards him and as she leaned over to get her mail her robe opened a bit. Bob could hardly beleive it, she wasn't wearing a thing under her robe.
The woman leaned closer to Bob and said good morning. This time her robe opened up completely. She purred to Bob that she hadn't had a man in years. He could hardly keep eye contact when she said she heard someone coming and that they should go back to her apartment. They went inside and she let the robe fall to the floor. What do you think my best feature is? Bob stuttered and drueled a bit and finally said "Your ears."

"What do you mean my ears, look at me. I have round perfect breasts, a nice tight ass and legs to die for what on earth made you say EARS!!!

"Well," said Bob "In the hall you said you heard someone coming, that was me!!!
 

djv

Registered User
Forum Member
Nov 4, 2000
13,817
17
0
Senor I had such a shitty day. I cant even think of a shitty day joke. I need to retire soon. I did here one strange thing to day that is good for nothing. I guy I work with asked the gas station attedent why the price went up so much last few days. His answer was the owner heard it went up some other places.
redface.gif
 

visionary

Registered User
Forum Member
Feb 21, 2001
681
0
0
GUESS YOU NEED TO BE ITALIAN FOR THIS ONE BUT WILL SAY IT ANYWAY..
"DURING WWII THE ITALIAN TANKS HAD FOUR GEARS..3 TO GO IN REVERSE AND 1 TO GO FORWARD...JUST IN CASE THE ENEMY WAS COMING FROM BEHIND !!!"

ANOTHER ITALIAN ARMY JOKE
"AN ITALIAN PLATOON FIGHTING THE GERMANS NOTICES THAT THE GERMANS ARE ALL WEARING RED JACKETS WHILE IN COMBAT. THE COMMANDER QUICKLY NOTICES AND ASKS THE SOLDIER NEXT TO HIM WHY THEY ARE WEARING RED COATS AND THE SOLDIER TELLS HIM IT IS BECAUSE WHEN THEY GET SHOT THEY DONT WANT TO SHOW THE ENEMY THEY ARE BLEEDING, SO THE COMMANDER QUICKLY TURNS AROUND AND TELLS HIS PLATOON.....EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY WE ARE ALL WEARING BROWN PANTS!!!!!!

MAYBE SOME FOLKS CAN ENJOY THESE!!!!!
CAPONE I KNOE YOU WILL
 
Bet on MyBookie
Top