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Fat Pat's Sports Humor
The 2nd Duke Stripper, Reggie Bush, Hugo Chavez...
The second stripper from the infamous Duke Lacrosse party, Kim Roberts, remains unapologetic after contacting the 5W Public Relations firm hoping to ?spin this to my advantage,? according to an email she sent the firm. ?Why shouldn?t I profit from this?? Roberts publicly remarked. She then added, ?This situation may really end up perfect for me. First I had my embezzlement case dropped by making statements to help the prosecution, and now I have a New York PR firm that may help me rake in some real dough from this experience. I want to get exclusive rights to perform exotic dances as ?The Duke Lax Stripper.? No more silly nurse or policewoman uniforms, now I?m gonna arrive at parties incoherently drunk with a lacrosse stick in one hand and a broom stick in the other.?
Two Kenyan nationals have once again swept the Boston Marathon, with Robert Cheruiyot winning the men?s field in record breaking time. In other shocking sports news, Shaquille O?Neal dunked a basketball, some NFL teams are interested in drafting Reggie Bush in the first round, and Barry Bonds is alleged to have once tried performance-enhancing steroids.
A record-breaking seven Venezuelan pitchers started in Major League Baseball games on Tuesday of last week. Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez claimed the achievement was a clear sign that communism breeds exceptional athletic specimens while capitalism breeds fat, lazy pigs. However, Chavez also criticized the occurrence as another clear example of greedy, capitalist American businessmen exploiting the labor of Latin Americans. Chavez also added that the number seven is symbolic of heaven, and the occurrence is an indisputable sign that the US Government plans to assassinate him.
Vikings safety Willie Offord was arrested last week in Minneapolis on drunk driving charges. Offord explained his actions, ?I know I shouldn?t be driving after taking down a fifth of vodka, but the Vikings organization has a tradition that I am trying to keep alive. Now that the Duke Lacrosse team looks to be out of hot water and the Trailblazers may be hitting the road, there exists a real void in the sports world where us Vikings can finally establish ourselves as the unrivaled leaders in scandal and crime among all American professional sports teams.?
Brett Favre has spoken out against the Tennessee Titans? treatment of quarterback Steve McNair after the Titans barred McNair from entering their training facilities. Favre commented, ?To be treated that way is really unfair.? However, Favre recanted his statement almost immediately by then claiming, ?But then again, when you think about it from the Titans? perspective, maybe it really isn?t that unfair.? Favre then proceeded to continue waffling on the issue by again claiming, ?Although it is probably pretty unfair.? After going back and forth on the issue a dozen times Favre finally assured, ?Well, this is really a tough decision for me to make right now, but I?ll let you know my opinion on the fairness of this situation sometime next season.?
Fat Pat's Sports Humor
The 2nd Duke Stripper, Reggie Bush, Hugo Chavez...
The second stripper from the infamous Duke Lacrosse party, Kim Roberts, remains unapologetic after contacting the 5W Public Relations firm hoping to ?spin this to my advantage,? according to an email she sent the firm. ?Why shouldn?t I profit from this?? Roberts publicly remarked. She then added, ?This situation may really end up perfect for me. First I had my embezzlement case dropped by making statements to help the prosecution, and now I have a New York PR firm that may help me rake in some real dough from this experience. I want to get exclusive rights to perform exotic dances as ?The Duke Lax Stripper.? No more silly nurse or policewoman uniforms, now I?m gonna arrive at parties incoherently drunk with a lacrosse stick in one hand and a broom stick in the other.?
Two Kenyan nationals have once again swept the Boston Marathon, with Robert Cheruiyot winning the men?s field in record breaking time. In other shocking sports news, Shaquille O?Neal dunked a basketball, some NFL teams are interested in drafting Reggie Bush in the first round, and Barry Bonds is alleged to have once tried performance-enhancing steroids.
A record-breaking seven Venezuelan pitchers started in Major League Baseball games on Tuesday of last week. Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez claimed the achievement was a clear sign that communism breeds exceptional athletic specimens while capitalism breeds fat, lazy pigs. However, Chavez also criticized the occurrence as another clear example of greedy, capitalist American businessmen exploiting the labor of Latin Americans. Chavez also added that the number seven is symbolic of heaven, and the occurrence is an indisputable sign that the US Government plans to assassinate him.
Vikings safety Willie Offord was arrested last week in Minneapolis on drunk driving charges. Offord explained his actions, ?I know I shouldn?t be driving after taking down a fifth of vodka, but the Vikings organization has a tradition that I am trying to keep alive. Now that the Duke Lacrosse team looks to be out of hot water and the Trailblazers may be hitting the road, there exists a real void in the sports world where us Vikings can finally establish ourselves as the unrivaled leaders in scandal and crime among all American professional sports teams.?
Brett Favre has spoken out against the Tennessee Titans? treatment of quarterback Steve McNair after the Titans barred McNair from entering their training facilities. Favre commented, ?To be treated that way is really unfair.? However, Favre recanted his statement almost immediately by then claiming, ?But then again, when you think about it from the Titans? perspective, maybe it really isn?t that unfair.? Favre then proceeded to continue waffling on the issue by again claiming, ?Although it is probably pretty unfair.? After going back and forth on the issue a dozen times Favre finally assured, ?Well, this is really a tough decision for me to make right now, but I?ll let you know my opinion on the fairness of this situation sometime next season.?
