Stoner Mike "Gonzo" Dornheim, 37, a freelance carpenter and part-time drummer, is the
favorite uncle of his six nephews and nieces, family sources revealed Monday.
Despite being the object of unspoken
resentment from his siblings, who see him as the
family's "black sheep," the habitual marijuana
user has nevertheless cornered the market on
nephew/niece affection.
"Uncle Gonzo isn't like my other uncles, who
just talk about work all the time and won't let us
make noise in the house," said Brad Dornheim, 8,
who, like his siblings and cousins, is unaware of
his uncle's marijuana use. "He makes us these
awesome banana smoothies. And he has the
coolest backyard, with these robot bird sculptures
he made out of scrap metal. He even gave me
one, but Mom said it has to stay in the garage. I
want to be just like him when I grow up. Uncle
Gonz rules!"
Niece Caitlin Halloran, 6, agreed.
"Uncle Hank [insurance executive and avid
golfer Henry Dornheim] and Uncle Jer [tile
salesman and devout Presbyterian Gerald Pivarnik] are totally boring," Caitlin said. "They wear ties
every day, even outside church. All they ever do is read the paper and fall asleep in chairs. Uncle Gonzo
makes mud pies and builds us tree forts, and he jumps in the leaves with us. I wish all my uncles were
like Uncle Gonzo."
Caitlin went on to cite other reasons for Dornheim's favorite-uncle status, including his love of playing
Frisbee, his blacklight Pink Floyd posters, his tattoos, and his vast collection of classic Bugs Bunny
cartoons.
Despite their disapproval of his lifestyle, Dornheim's siblings cannot find fault with his behavior around
the family's younger generation. Dornheim has always been careful never to discuss drugs with the
children, and he keeps his basement grow-room securely padlocked when they come to visit. Dornheim
also always makes sure his "big people stuff"?including his three-foot glass bong, collection of Bettie
Page girlie-photo books, and supply of nitrous-oxide "whippets"?are kept stashed away in a secret
compartment built into his vintage 1977 waterbed.
The never-married Dornheim, who for more than a decade has been in an on-again, off-again
relationship with a 44-year-old massage therapist and renaissance-fair hobbyist named Guinevere, has
no children of his own. As a result, he enthusiastically enjoys the company of his nieces and nephews.
Dornheim's sisters, Pam Halloran and Robin Pivarnik, begrudgingly admitted that he has a way with
the children.
"They love his giant fish tank," said Pivarnik, 39. "And
he's the only one who is even remotely competitive with
the kids at PlayStation 2. He's also the only one who can
stand watching SpongeBob SquarePants. As much as I
hate to admit it, he seems to be an attentive, responsible
caretaker."
Much to his siblings' chagrin, Dornheim is also the uncle
of choice for helping the kids with school projects.
"Uncle Gonz helped me with my science-fair entry, and I
got an A," said nephew Sammy Pivarnik, 11. "He showed
me how to mix baking soda and water to make this cool
liquid that turns solid when you squeeze it, then melts back
into, like, milk when you let it go. You can play catch with
it without spilling a drop!"
"It really blew the teacher's mind," Sammy added.
Dornheim, who, unbeknownst to his nephews and
nieces, was nicknamed "Gonzo" by his stoner buddies
because of his longtime admiration of gonzo journalist and countercultural icon Hunter S. Thompson, also
ranks ahead of his fellow uncles and aunts for his love of pets.
"Uncle Gonzo has four doggies," said 4-year-old niece Emmy Dornheim, carefully counting to four on
her fingers. "Their names are Zowie, Zappa, James Tiberius, and Ignatius J. Reilly. They're nice and
always want to play. Not like Uncle Jer's dog Bill, who's old and bites and can't come in the house."
Added Emmy: "Uncle Gonzo has lots of strawberry ice cream, and he never mows his lawn, so we can
play Tarzan, and he sings the song about Jeremiah The Bullfrog with me. All his couches and chairs are
all different colors. I love Uncle Gonz!"
In spite of his daughter's love of Uncle Gonzo, Henry Dornheim still resents his older brother.
"I don't know what kind of example he's setting," Dornheim said. "The other day, he picked up Emmy
after school because I had a meeting. When he dropped her off after a few hours at his ramshackle
house, Emmy said he let her paint his dog blue. Imagine it! Painting a dog! So what if it was just food
coloring and it'll wash out? They're painting an animal!"
Unfazed by their parents' disapproval, the kids still regard "Uncle Gonz" as their favorite.
"The only other uncle I like is Uncle Steve," 12-year-old nephew Henry Jr. said. "Whenever he visits,
he always plays us funny old show tunes and bakes awesome rhubarb pies. He doesn't have any kids,
just like Uncle Gonz. I wish we could see Uncle Steve more, but he lives far away in San Francisco with
his roommate Gary."
favorite uncle of his six nephews and nieces, family sources revealed Monday.
Despite being the object of unspoken
resentment from his siblings, who see him as the
family's "black sheep," the habitual marijuana
user has nevertheless cornered the market on
nephew/niece affection.
"Uncle Gonzo isn't like my other uncles, who
just talk about work all the time and won't let us
make noise in the house," said Brad Dornheim, 8,
who, like his siblings and cousins, is unaware of
his uncle's marijuana use. "He makes us these
awesome banana smoothies. And he has the
coolest backyard, with these robot bird sculptures
he made out of scrap metal. He even gave me
one, but Mom said it has to stay in the garage. I
want to be just like him when I grow up. Uncle
Gonz rules!"
Niece Caitlin Halloran, 6, agreed.
"Uncle Hank [insurance executive and avid
golfer Henry Dornheim] and Uncle Jer [tile
salesman and devout Presbyterian Gerald Pivarnik] are totally boring," Caitlin said. "They wear ties
every day, even outside church. All they ever do is read the paper and fall asleep in chairs. Uncle Gonzo
makes mud pies and builds us tree forts, and he jumps in the leaves with us. I wish all my uncles were
like Uncle Gonzo."
Caitlin went on to cite other reasons for Dornheim's favorite-uncle status, including his love of playing
Frisbee, his blacklight Pink Floyd posters, his tattoos, and his vast collection of classic Bugs Bunny
cartoons.
Despite their disapproval of his lifestyle, Dornheim's siblings cannot find fault with his behavior around
the family's younger generation. Dornheim has always been careful never to discuss drugs with the
children, and he keeps his basement grow-room securely padlocked when they come to visit. Dornheim
also always makes sure his "big people stuff"?including his three-foot glass bong, collection of Bettie
Page girlie-photo books, and supply of nitrous-oxide "whippets"?are kept stashed away in a secret
compartment built into his vintage 1977 waterbed.
The never-married Dornheim, who for more than a decade has been in an on-again, off-again
relationship with a 44-year-old massage therapist and renaissance-fair hobbyist named Guinevere, has
no children of his own. As a result, he enthusiastically enjoys the company of his nieces and nephews.
Dornheim's sisters, Pam Halloran and Robin Pivarnik, begrudgingly admitted that he has a way with
the children.
"They love his giant fish tank," said Pivarnik, 39. "And
he's the only one who is even remotely competitive with
the kids at PlayStation 2. He's also the only one who can
stand watching SpongeBob SquarePants. As much as I
hate to admit it, he seems to be an attentive, responsible
caretaker."
Much to his siblings' chagrin, Dornheim is also the uncle
of choice for helping the kids with school projects.
"Uncle Gonz helped me with my science-fair entry, and I
got an A," said nephew Sammy Pivarnik, 11. "He showed
me how to mix baking soda and water to make this cool
liquid that turns solid when you squeeze it, then melts back
into, like, milk when you let it go. You can play catch with
it without spilling a drop!"
"It really blew the teacher's mind," Sammy added.
Dornheim, who, unbeknownst to his nephews and
nieces, was nicknamed "Gonzo" by his stoner buddies
because of his longtime admiration of gonzo journalist and countercultural icon Hunter S. Thompson, also
ranks ahead of his fellow uncles and aunts for his love of pets.
"Uncle Gonzo has four doggies," said 4-year-old niece Emmy Dornheim, carefully counting to four on
her fingers. "Their names are Zowie, Zappa, James Tiberius, and Ignatius J. Reilly. They're nice and
always want to play. Not like Uncle Jer's dog Bill, who's old and bites and can't come in the house."
Added Emmy: "Uncle Gonzo has lots of strawberry ice cream, and he never mows his lawn, so we can
play Tarzan, and he sings the song about Jeremiah The Bullfrog with me. All his couches and chairs are
all different colors. I love Uncle Gonz!"
In spite of his daughter's love of Uncle Gonzo, Henry Dornheim still resents his older brother.
"I don't know what kind of example he's setting," Dornheim said. "The other day, he picked up Emmy
after school because I had a meeting. When he dropped her off after a few hours at his ramshackle
house, Emmy said he let her paint his dog blue. Imagine it! Painting a dog! So what if it was just food
coloring and it'll wash out? They're painting an animal!"
Unfazed by their parents' disapproval, the kids still regard "Uncle Gonz" as their favorite.
"The only other uncle I like is Uncle Steve," 12-year-old nephew Henry Jr. said. "Whenever he visits,
he always plays us funny old show tunes and bakes awesome rhubarb pies. He doesn't have any kids,
just like Uncle Gonz. I wish we could see Uncle Steve more, but he lives far away in San Francisco with
his roommate Gary."
