Congress to Halt Closing of Unprofitable Starbucks

Keeko

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Congress to Halt Closing of Unprofitable Starbucks

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Save My Iced Grande Latte!
By Greg Mankiw

News from Scrappleface:

Congress to Halt Closing of Unprofitable Starbucks

Democrats in Congress today plan to introduce a bill to halt the recently-announced closing of some 600 Starbucks coffee stores, noting that the displacement of 12,000 Starbucks baristas would overwhelm government aid offices not prepared to handle so many clients for whom English is a second language....

"These people can't just walk out of Starbucks and get a job at a grocery store or a factory," said House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D-CA. "They would need ESL classes and cultural training to learn how to relate to ordinary Americans and function in society."...

"This is just another one of our heroic Democrat efforts to protect Americans from the impact of the Bush economic policies," said Rep. Pelosi. "Under this president, America has become a cold and desolate place where corporations cut unprofitable activities to focus on increasing the bottom line, and returning value to shareholders. When Democrats retake the White House next year, we will reverse that trend."
 

ImFeklhr

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. "They would need ESL classes and cultural training to learn how to relate to ordinary Americans and function in society."...

Almost funny. But then, starbucks workers usually speak pretty good english, i always thought. :shrug:

Now if you were talkin' Mc'D's then that would make sense :)
 

StevieD

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Almost funny. But then, starbucks workers usually speak pretty good english, i always thought. :shrug:

Now if you were talkin' Mc'D's then that would make sense :)
Not to mention Italian!:mj07:

I ain't buying this one. Starbucks actually is not a bad place to work. For that type of work.
 

smurphy

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Jul 31, 2004
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Why do I get this creepy feeling that Keeko isn't aware that Scrappleface is satire and this story is totally made up? It's no Onion, but I guess it's kinda funny.
 

Eddie Haskell

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Saul:

Most of Wayne's links are from Scrappleface. That's usually were Fox News gets confirmation for its stories. Where do you think they got the John Edwards - Beverly Hilton hotel story from last week.

Eddie
 

dawgball

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Saul:

Most of Wayne's links are from Scrappleface. That's usually were Fox News gets confirmation for its stories. Where do you think they got the John Edwards - Beverly Hilton hotel story from last week.

Eddie

I don't follow this stuff, and I was quick to point out that it was the National Enquirer as the source... BUT was the Edwards story last week not true?? :shrug:

I thought I saw it on TV somewhere, too. I don't watch news stations (except CNBC), so my guess is that it may have been on one of my wife's viewing of E!

Amazing how false news will travel.

The Onion -- I remember the first time I read one of those. I had no clue it was satire, and I was PISSED! :142smilie
 

Nosigar

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The scary thing is that no one would be surprised if this incompetent congress made such a gesture. :shrug:
 
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