Found this on another site....
Plumbers:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
A non-smoking area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
A maternity room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
A tire shop:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
An optometrist's office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
A podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
Pizza shop slogans:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
"Buy our pizza. We knead the dough."
Outside a muffler shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
A veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
A gynaecologist's office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
The electric company:
"We would be de-lighted if you pay your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
A plastic surgeon's office:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
A restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up."
And a sign at a radiator shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
On a butcher's window:
"Let me meat your needs."
At a car dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Outside a hotel:
"Help! We need inn-experienced people."
On a desk in a reception room:
"We shoot every third salesman and the second one just left."
At a towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
Billboard on the side of the road:
"Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."
Sign at the psychic's hotline:
"Don't call us, we'll call you."
At a dry cleaners:
"How about we refund your money,
send you a new one at no charge,
close the store and have the manager shot.
Would that be satisfactory?"
On an electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
On a taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
On a fence:
"Salesmen Welcome, Dog food is expensive."
On the door of a computer store:
"Out for a quick byte."
Inside a bowling alley:
"Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."
In the front yard of a funeral home:
"Drive carefully, we'll wait."
In a counselor's office:
"Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional."
Plumbers:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
A non-smoking area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
A maternity room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
A tire shop:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
An optometrist's office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
A podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
Pizza shop slogans:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
"Buy our pizza. We knead the dough."
Outside a muffler shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
A veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
A gynaecologist's office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
The electric company:
"We would be de-lighted if you pay your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
A plastic surgeon's office:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
A restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up."
And a sign at a radiator shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
On a butcher's window:
"Let me meat your needs."
At a car dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Outside a hotel:
"Help! We need inn-experienced people."
On a desk in a reception room:
"We shoot every third salesman and the second one just left."
At a towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
Billboard on the side of the road:
"Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."
Sign at the psychic's hotline:
"Don't call us, we'll call you."
At a dry cleaners:
"How about we refund your money,
send you a new one at no charge,
close the store and have the manager shot.
Would that be satisfactory?"
On an electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
On a taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
On a fence:
"Salesmen Welcome, Dog food is expensive."
On the door of a computer store:
"Out for a quick byte."
Inside a bowling alley:
"Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."
In the front yard of a funeral home:
"Drive carefully, we'll wait."
In a counselor's office:
"Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional."
