Super Bowl XXXIX. Hmmm. If alla them X's are anything like a movie rating, this game oughtta be a good one! Assuming yer into porno, I mean. In any event, I now present the Bovinian perspective on truth, justice and the big game. It's a Madjacksports.com exclusive! Like, moo.
NEW ENGLAND -7 vs. PHILADELPHIA 47?
Them what are familiar with my handicapping techniques and tendencies should oughtta be well aware of my penchant for backing the underdog. "Lay the women, take the points," has been heard more than once in those dingy, smoke-filled saloons what're often graced by my well-done, beefy presence. However, I learned long ago that professional football's post-season is sorta like havin' the drunkest boob at the barbecue bein' in charge of the grill. I mean, when yuz attend this gig you gotta know from the outset that some dogs are gunna get burnt, if'n yuz catch my drift. And that goes double for the Super Bowl. I think it's because of the finality of the event. Dig. If a regular-season game starts slipping away in the third quarter, it is known like Lefty from Mulberry Street, that the team in the lead'll soon put their attack on cruise-control, frequently allowing the opposition to recapture the game's momentum. The result? I dunno, but the points certainly regain much of their appeal under circumstances such as these. Ya see what I'm sayin'? Anyway, that crap don't happen when it's "Lose and Out." `History shows us quite clearly that when a team goes up 17 in the Super Bowl they usually become a steamroller. And fellas, there ain't no cruise-control on a steamroller.
Now before you bums get any ideas, I don't want nunnayuz trottin' in last year's game to refute my freakin' point here. After careful consideration I have declared the Pant's backdoor cover last year a fluke of the highest nature and unworthy of serious consideration. While you may find this declaration to be dictatorial and unfounded, I am uninterested in hearing your complaints. Should you find keeping your unwanted and obviously sober aurguments difficult to keep to yourself, I can only ask that you open another thread for your simple-minded gibberish. I prefer keeping this thread unsullied and chalk-fulla winning, shitfaced, off-the-cuff information. You know... cutting-edge Cow.
Psst. Hey, Joey?
Yeah, Cow. What up?
Uh, you ain't seen my manners runnin' around anywhere, have ya?
Wha... oh... good one, Cow. Manners.
Yo yo yo! The more one peeps the angles, digits and personnel in this sucker, the more one begins to realize one thing. This game could get Eagly - er - I mean, ugly. In fact, I've staggered to the conclusion that without Terrell Owens the birds got about the same chance as wet matches in a wind tunnel. And Down-a-Man McNabb would be about as dangerous as Don Knotts. It's mandatory, obligatory and essential. T.O. must play, and play well, or Paul McCartney could actually be the most exciting parta the afternoon.
"Maybe I'm amazed at the way New England won the crown;
Shut the Eagles down;
And Baby I'm amazed at the way Cow hit the parlay."
Ah, yes, the parlay. Could these over-publicized and easy-to-use trends be helpful?
NE is 11-3-2 to the number on grass this season
NE is 12-3-1 ATS in their last 16 games overall
NE is 4-0 vs the number this season against the NFC
PHI is 0-4 ATS when playing the AFC
Under is 5-1 the last six times these two met
Under is 9-2 after PHI wins 2+ games
Under is 6-0 when PHI plays after 2 or more weeks of rest
NE played to an average total of 43.8
PHI totals averaged 40.2
By the way - The Iggles have faced just three 3-4 defenses over the last two seasons, including a week 2 '03 meeting against the Patriots. New England won convincingly, 31-10.
Bill Belachick is well-known for taking away what a team likes to do. Many seem to think this means Brian Westbrook will be ineffective, but I see a bolder target on the horizon. Consider this: Donovan McNabb had his most productive pro season, becoming the first qb in history to throw more than 30 TD passes and fewer than 10 INTs. Plus, he hasn't thrown an interception in this year's playoffs. Prediction: NE will McNabb no less than three picks against him.
I know one thing for sure, it didn't take long for Belachick, the master game planner to get a fix on the Eagles. They mighta rushed for a buck fifty against the Falcons, but Philly is as obvious as a streetwalker. They're a passing team, period. The game's most surprising stat could be that the Eagles had the second-fewest rushing attempts in the NFL. I still have a hard time believing that one.
You better believe this, though. Belachick will scheme to deny McNabb easy completions, scheme away his receivers, scheme to cover Westbrook with corners insteada linebackers and force Reid to call more runs than he wants. Way more.
Remember this, too. Reid is a Super Bowl virgin. The extra week could easily cause him to insert too many wrinkles, don't you think? I'll tell you this, he better be able to keep his cool, because New England has scored first in 25 of their last 26 games. Pressure? What pressure?
... We interrupt this program to bring you this late-breaking special report... Ladies and gentlemen and football fans everywhere, COW News has just confirmed this story. The Philadelphia Eagles "ARE" just happy to be there. We repeat... Contrary to what they've been saying, the NFC-Champion Philadelphia Eagles are happy to just get to Super Bowl XXXIX. Film at 11:00, updates at once... We now return you to your regularly scheduled program...
Another troublesome point for Philly fans must be T.O. I mean, do you really want your hopes riding on a guy witha nickname that is short for "turnover?" Not in Bovinia, we don't. We'll take Tedy Bruschi every time. Ya savvy?
Speakinawhich... BARTENDER!
NE -7 (Big)
UNDER 47? (Big)
PARLAY (Lets nail it, fellas)
So, whattaya think, Joey?
Philly'll get cremated. Hey! That reminds me, Cow. Whattaya get when you cremate a dog?
I dunno, Joey. Whattaya get when you cremate a dog?
Bark dust! D'ya get it, Cow? Bark dust!
Have a great game, everybody.
NEW ENGLAND -7 vs. PHILADELPHIA 47?
Them what are familiar with my handicapping techniques and tendencies should oughtta be well aware of my penchant for backing the underdog. "Lay the women, take the points," has been heard more than once in those dingy, smoke-filled saloons what're often graced by my well-done, beefy presence. However, I learned long ago that professional football's post-season is sorta like havin' the drunkest boob at the barbecue bein' in charge of the grill. I mean, when yuz attend this gig you gotta know from the outset that some dogs are gunna get burnt, if'n yuz catch my drift. And that goes double for the Super Bowl. I think it's because of the finality of the event. Dig. If a regular-season game starts slipping away in the third quarter, it is known like Lefty from Mulberry Street, that the team in the lead'll soon put their attack on cruise-control, frequently allowing the opposition to recapture the game's momentum. The result? I dunno, but the points certainly regain much of their appeal under circumstances such as these. Ya see what I'm sayin'? Anyway, that crap don't happen when it's "Lose and Out." `History shows us quite clearly that when a team goes up 17 in the Super Bowl they usually become a steamroller. And fellas, there ain't no cruise-control on a steamroller.
Now before you bums get any ideas, I don't want nunnayuz trottin' in last year's game to refute my freakin' point here. After careful consideration I have declared the Pant's backdoor cover last year a fluke of the highest nature and unworthy of serious consideration. While you may find this declaration to be dictatorial and unfounded, I am uninterested in hearing your complaints. Should you find keeping your unwanted and obviously sober aurguments difficult to keep to yourself, I can only ask that you open another thread for your simple-minded gibberish. I prefer keeping this thread unsullied and chalk-fulla winning, shitfaced, off-the-cuff information. You know... cutting-edge Cow.
Psst. Hey, Joey?
Yeah, Cow. What up?
Uh, you ain't seen my manners runnin' around anywhere, have ya?
Wha... oh... good one, Cow. Manners.
Yo yo yo! The more one peeps the angles, digits and personnel in this sucker, the more one begins to realize one thing. This game could get Eagly - er - I mean, ugly. In fact, I've staggered to the conclusion that without Terrell Owens the birds got about the same chance as wet matches in a wind tunnel. And Down-a-Man McNabb would be about as dangerous as Don Knotts. It's mandatory, obligatory and essential. T.O. must play, and play well, or Paul McCartney could actually be the most exciting parta the afternoon.
"Maybe I'm amazed at the way New England won the crown;
Shut the Eagles down;
And Baby I'm amazed at the way Cow hit the parlay."
Ah, yes, the parlay. Could these over-publicized and easy-to-use trends be helpful?
NE is 11-3-2 to the number on grass this season
NE is 12-3-1 ATS in their last 16 games overall
NE is 4-0 vs the number this season against the NFC
PHI is 0-4 ATS when playing the AFC
Under is 5-1 the last six times these two met
Under is 9-2 after PHI wins 2+ games
Under is 6-0 when PHI plays after 2 or more weeks of rest
NE played to an average total of 43.8
PHI totals averaged 40.2
By the way - The Iggles have faced just three 3-4 defenses over the last two seasons, including a week 2 '03 meeting against the Patriots. New England won convincingly, 31-10.
Bill Belachick is well-known for taking away what a team likes to do. Many seem to think this means Brian Westbrook will be ineffective, but I see a bolder target on the horizon. Consider this: Donovan McNabb had his most productive pro season, becoming the first qb in history to throw more than 30 TD passes and fewer than 10 INTs. Plus, he hasn't thrown an interception in this year's playoffs. Prediction: NE will McNabb no less than three picks against him.
I know one thing for sure, it didn't take long for Belachick, the master game planner to get a fix on the Eagles. They mighta rushed for a buck fifty against the Falcons, but Philly is as obvious as a streetwalker. They're a passing team, period. The game's most surprising stat could be that the Eagles had the second-fewest rushing attempts in the NFL. I still have a hard time believing that one.
You better believe this, though. Belachick will scheme to deny McNabb easy completions, scheme away his receivers, scheme to cover Westbrook with corners insteada linebackers and force Reid to call more runs than he wants. Way more.
Remember this, too. Reid is a Super Bowl virgin. The extra week could easily cause him to insert too many wrinkles, don't you think? I'll tell you this, he better be able to keep his cool, because New England has scored first in 25 of their last 26 games. Pressure? What pressure?
... We interrupt this program to bring you this late-breaking special report... Ladies and gentlemen and football fans everywhere, COW News has just confirmed this story. The Philadelphia Eagles "ARE" just happy to be there. We repeat... Contrary to what they've been saying, the NFC-Champion Philadelphia Eagles are happy to just get to Super Bowl XXXIX. Film at 11:00, updates at once... We now return you to your regularly scheduled program...
Another troublesome point for Philly fans must be T.O. I mean, do you really want your hopes riding on a guy witha nickname that is short for "turnover?" Not in Bovinia, we don't. We'll take Tedy Bruschi every time. Ya savvy?
Speakinawhich... BARTENDER!
NE -7 (Big)
UNDER 47? (Big)
PARLAY (Lets nail it, fellas)
So, whattaya think, Joey?
Philly'll get cremated. Hey! That reminds me, Cow. Whattaya get when you cremate a dog?
I dunno, Joey. Whattaya get when you cremate a dog?
Bark dust! D'ya get it, Cow? Bark dust!
Have a great game, everybody.
