Top 8 Idiots of 2001
Idiot # 1
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency room right away.
Here's your sign lady. Wear it with pride.
Idiot # 2
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign guys. Don't get it wet, the paint might run.
Idiot # 3 - A true story out of San Francisco:
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He
was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line
back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
anyway.
Idiot # 4
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead
of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several
days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another
picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Another sign
(though this guy might be onto something worth thinking about)!
Idiot # 5
Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on
the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his
driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put
the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his
loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and
address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
(Remind me to have more signs printed up. Give this guy his!)
Idiot # 6
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
(This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured it out himself.)
Idiot # 7
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab
some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store
window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on
videotape.
(Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign!)
Idiot # 8
Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A.M., flashed a gun
and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man
ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
Please note that these people are allowed to vote!
.........and I promise to leave $$$ management out of my articles and rate each play the same. I can see it now.....Gatorbait's Upset Special: Raiders +3 over Tampa Bay in Tampa.......with no draft picks for the next couple of years, it's gonna be hard to compete
