This is just too good not to pass along. This was no doubt written by a
native Iowan, but check item 3. He must have been a late bloomer LOL.
For those of you who have visited the great state of Iowa, or plan to in
the future, I pass this on:
Iowa Rule Book
This list of rules will be handed to each person as they enter the
state.
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than
you'll do all week at the gym. He doesn't need your respect, but he sure
deserves it.
2 It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four-wheel drive because I need
it. Drive one or get your girlie-car out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah,
we
saw Bambi; we got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get
your butt kicked...by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for that little
13-inch trout you fish for...bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what
you
paid in the airport.
9. The Hawkeyes and the Cyclones are as important here as the Lakers and
the Knicks...and a dang sight more fun to watch.
10. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order
it
rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of
ham
and turkey.
11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
over ice.
12. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We
have a quarter of a million dollar combine that we drive two weeks a
year.
13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when
it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So,
you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
15. Yeah, we eat catfish--carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi
and
caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
16. They are hogs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like
it?
Interstate 80 goes two ways- I-35 goes the other two. Pick one.
17. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant season. It's a
religious holiday.
18. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of
sugar and a long spoon.
19. So every person in every pick-up waves. It's called being friendly.
Try
to understand the concept.
20. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It
spooks the fish.
Now, enjoy your visit to Iowa. Oh, and one last thought...."The "s"
on
the
end of Des Moines is silent...."
native Iowan, but check item 3. He must have been a late bloomer LOL.
For those of you who have visited the great state of Iowa, or plan to in
the future, I pass this on:
Iowa Rule Book
This list of rules will be handed to each person as they enter the
state.
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than
you'll do all week at the gym. He doesn't need your respect, but he sure
deserves it.
2 It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four-wheel drive because I need
it. Drive one or get your girlie-car out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah,
we
saw Bambi; we got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get
your butt kicked...by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for that little
13-inch trout you fish for...bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what
you
paid in the airport.
9. The Hawkeyes and the Cyclones are as important here as the Lakers and
the Knicks...and a dang sight more fun to watch.
10. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order
it
rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of
ham
and turkey.
11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
over ice.
12. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We
have a quarter of a million dollar combine that we drive two weeks a
year.
13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when
it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So,
you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
15. Yeah, we eat catfish--carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi
and
caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
16. They are hogs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like
it?
Interstate 80 goes two ways- I-35 goes the other two. Pick one.
17. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant season. It's a
religious holiday.
18. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of
sugar and a long spoon.
19. So every person in every pick-up waves. It's called being friendly.
Try
to understand the concept.
20. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It
spooks the fish.
Now, enjoy your visit to Iowa. Oh, and one last thought...."The "s"
on
the
end of Des Moines is silent...."
