My man, you have no reason to be so down on yourself. Be proud of your accomplishments. You retired young from an honorable career in the USPS with a pension. That’s fantastic. Some of the kids my wife sees aren’t even able to care for themselves. If you’re feeling down, maybe consider a part-time job. I lnow Home Depot in my parts has openings for retirees. Walmart greeter comes to mind, or maybe check receipts or IDs at Sam’s Club or Costco? Good luck with whatever you decide and I want you to know I’m proud of you, buddy.