LOL
... and reminds me of a column I wrote for the paper at the last Olympics....aaahh, found it...
OF ALL THE dumb pastimes on display at the Winter Olympics, curling stands alone on the gold medal dais as the undisputed king of imbecility.
What were the Games organisers thinking when they allowed this dribbling excuse for a sport into their programme? Did they feel that without curling they'd lack the silliness quotient their summer counterparts provide with synchronised swimming?
Curling is bowls for posers.
It has the athleticism of tenpin bowling, the crowd-pleasing aesthetics of darts and the electric pace of snooker.
It's played by men in silk jackets last seen on television adorning Andy Travis, wholesome programming director of WKRP. Olympic teams visit their country's best tailor before departure to be outfitted in the finery of their national colours. Curlers scour the op shops desperate for the rack that holds the once-treasured possession of a Racey fan.
The aim is to deliver a 20kg "stone" (like a heavy duck decoy) down an icy path and stop it as close as possible to the centre of a bullseye. The target is so gargantuan Mr Magoo would have no trouble finding it.
Curlers skate their delivery approach like amateur yoga students with bad cramp. Once launched at a Jurassic speed, the missile is attended by men frenetically sweeping a path for the stone to follow.
The term stone is the most appropriate part of curling. Any drug-induced state could only enhance the viewing or playing of this sport, which has surpassed luge as the curio of the crazies.
Luge (the summer Olympic equivalent would be backstroke water skiing) requires the competitor to be slightly insane and without any sense of feeling. A pigeon-toed competitor is an obvious medal contender.
At least Hamilton luger Angela Paul looks good in a body-suit. No man, be he Mick Jagger or Mikhail Baryshnikov, should wear tights.
Highlight of the Winter Olympics to date _ Aussie-based Kiwi Kylie Gill saying she had no sympathy for a freestyle skier colleague who had also fallen during competition. The reason: "because she stole my boyfriend a while back."
Tell ya what, Kyles, we'll ensure she'll get the worst punishment possible for her crimes of the heart; something certain to engender worldwide ridicule and humiliation.
Next Winter Olympics she has to come back as a curler.
:moon:
