Man's farts smell great!
Shaker Hts, Ohio
A Cuyahoga County man was pleasantly surprised today, upon learning his flatulence was not at all offensive.
Gary Holt, of South Euclid, Ohio, had just spent a delightful evening on the town with his girfriend, Cathy Circo. During a nice dinner at Applebee's, the two decided to take in the new Austin Powers movie at the ciniplex. "Mike Myers is a god in Cathy's eyes, so seeing this flick would pretty much seal the deal on a little "tumble" tonight back at my place", snorted Holt.
When asked to explain the nature of his gas not being offensive, Holt stated the following. "I don't know. I mean, my gas is usually as bad as anyone's, but I must have had the right combination of foods, or something." It was learned that the 24 year old electrician had the Fajita Platter, and a cola, as that evenings meal.
"I first noticed that my belches seemed to have a great after taste", chimed the mullet wearing Holt. "It was almost like I was still eating." Ms Circo added that her beau was "in a zone" that evening. "Gary had such a serene look about his face on the drive to the theatre......When I asked him what he was thinking, he said, 'Oh.....nothing', so I just let it go. I just assumed he was falling deeper in love with me."
It wasn't until about 20 minutes into the film, that Holt noticed he had tremendous gas pangs. "Man, I was squirming all over! I didn't want to drop ass infront of my gal. My dad always told me that you need to be with someone for a few months before they accept that sort of thing." Young Holt admits that the pressure was too intense after about an hour, and he had to make a decision. "Man, I'm telling you" stated the rotund, gastric anomaly, "this movie was the bomb, and I didn't want to excuse myself just to break wind!"
After a few more minutes of self deliberation, Holt decided to relieve himself of the gassy burden. "I knew the place was packed, so if I could sneak the farts out, who would be the wiser?" With a deft lean and twist move, Holt executed the perfect form, as his gasses flowed freely, yet silently. "I'll tell you what......there are few satisfying moments in a man's life, as being able to pull that move off. Let's face it. You mess that one up, and everyone knows.....Including your girl!" Chortled Holt. As always, after such a moment, there is the uneasiness of the pending smell.
"I think having the Pepsi at diner, made all the difference in the world", stated the portly electrican. "I mean, hey......a couple of Coronas, and we are looking at another ending to this story." While preparing for an olfactory assult, Holt was anything but upset. "The fart smelled exactly like dinner!, he intoned. "I was freaked out by the way the belches had great taste, but this was a whole new level." The freedom of being unincumbered by rotten gas, Holt now has license to flatulate at will. "At first, I was still reluctant to let them fly, but I was not the only one enjoying them!", marvled Holt.
"I actually heard a couple behind me saying that "something smells great", and "Man, I could go for some Mexican". "These goobers were inhaling my ass fumes, and loving it!" shouted the proud Holt.
When asked if this occured often, Holt replied, "Never before. I guess the stars were all lined up right, or some sh*t like that." He did state that he would try the exact same diet in a few weeks, to see if this was a one time event, or if he was on to something.
Shaker Hts, Ohio
A Cuyahoga County man was pleasantly surprised today, upon learning his flatulence was not at all offensive.
Gary Holt, of South Euclid, Ohio, had just spent a delightful evening on the town with his girfriend, Cathy Circo. During a nice dinner at Applebee's, the two decided to take in the new Austin Powers movie at the ciniplex. "Mike Myers is a god in Cathy's eyes, so seeing this flick would pretty much seal the deal on a little "tumble" tonight back at my place", snorted Holt.
When asked to explain the nature of his gas not being offensive, Holt stated the following. "I don't know. I mean, my gas is usually as bad as anyone's, but I must have had the right combination of foods, or something." It was learned that the 24 year old electrician had the Fajita Platter, and a cola, as that evenings meal.
"I first noticed that my belches seemed to have a great after taste", chimed the mullet wearing Holt. "It was almost like I was still eating." Ms Circo added that her beau was "in a zone" that evening. "Gary had such a serene look about his face on the drive to the theatre......When I asked him what he was thinking, he said, 'Oh.....nothing', so I just let it go. I just assumed he was falling deeper in love with me."
It wasn't until about 20 minutes into the film, that Holt noticed he had tremendous gas pangs. "Man, I was squirming all over! I didn't want to drop ass infront of my gal. My dad always told me that you need to be with someone for a few months before they accept that sort of thing." Young Holt admits that the pressure was too intense after about an hour, and he had to make a decision. "Man, I'm telling you" stated the rotund, gastric anomaly, "this movie was the bomb, and I didn't want to excuse myself just to break wind!"
After a few more minutes of self deliberation, Holt decided to relieve himself of the gassy burden. "I knew the place was packed, so if I could sneak the farts out, who would be the wiser?" With a deft lean and twist move, Holt executed the perfect form, as his gasses flowed freely, yet silently. "I'll tell you what......there are few satisfying moments in a man's life, as being able to pull that move off. Let's face it. You mess that one up, and everyone knows.....Including your girl!" Chortled Holt. As always, after such a moment, there is the uneasiness of the pending smell.
"I think having the Pepsi at diner, made all the difference in the world", stated the portly electrican. "I mean, hey......a couple of Coronas, and we are looking at another ending to this story." While preparing for an olfactory assult, Holt was anything but upset. "The fart smelled exactly like dinner!, he intoned. "I was freaked out by the way the belches had great taste, but this was a whole new level." The freedom of being unincumbered by rotten gas, Holt now has license to flatulate at will. "At first, I was still reluctant to let them fly, but I was not the only one enjoying them!", marvled Holt.
"I actually heard a couple behind me saying that "something smells great", and "Man, I could go for some Mexican". "These goobers were inhaling my ass fumes, and loving it!" shouted the proud Holt.
When asked if this occured often, Holt replied, "Never before. I guess the stars were all lined up right, or some sh*t like that." He did state that he would try the exact same diet in a few weeks, to see if this was a one time event, or if he was on to something.
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