larry gets a tattoo on his d-ck...

[gardenweasel]

larry gets home late one night and his wife, linda, says, "where in the hell have you been?"...

larry replies, "i was out getting a tattoo."..

a tattoo?" she frowned. "what kind of tattoo did you get?"..

"i got a hundred dollar bill on my dick," he said proudly.

"what the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his dick?"

"well, one, i like to watch my money grow.
two, once in a while i like to play with my money.
three, i like how money feels in my hand...

and, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!"....


:rimshot http://www.instantrimshot.com/

 

[Woodson]

:mj07:

 

[MadJack]

:142smilie :142smilie

 

[Morris]

Good one!! :mj07:

 

[layinwood]

hahahhahahahhahhhahahh nice one GW

 

[krc]

Very Funny
:mj07: :mj07:

krc

 

[gardenweasel]

o.k...this`ll teach you guys to encourage me...

dave works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every saturday....his wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club...


the doorman at the club greets them and says, "hey, dave!.. how ya doin?"..his wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "oh no," says dave. "he's on my bowling team."

when they are seated, a waitress asks dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a budweiser...his wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "how did she know that you drink budweiser?" ..

"i recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club....i always have a bud at the end of the first nine, honey...

a stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around dave, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "hi ! davey... want your usual table dance, big boy?" ..

dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club....dave follows and spots her getting into a cab....

before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her...dave tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it...she is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book...

the cabby turns around and says, "geez dave, you picked up a real bitch this time."...


1/2 :rimshot http://www.instantrimshot.com/

 

[layinwood]

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhahahahhahhahhaha, oh man you're on a roll. :mj07:

 

[gardenweasel]

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhahahahhahhahhaha, oh man you're on a roll. :mj07:

just call me butter:142smilie

 

[gardenweasel]

mickey and minnie mouse were at court for divorce proceedings....the judge told mickey, "look here mickey mouse, i can't grant you a divorce from minnie!"...

mickey mouse was stunned and asked, "why not?"

the judge said, "i've reviewed all the information you gave to the court, but i can't find any evidence at all to support the grounds that she is crazy!"

mickey mouse says, "your honour! i didn't say she was CRAZY, i said she was fucking Goofy!"...


1/4:rimshot (groan)....

 

[MadJack]

you're pushing your luck now :mj07:

 

[gardenweasel]

one more...to drive everyone into the drinking thread early tonight..

frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting...he spotted a small brown bear and shot it...right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear...the black bear said, "that was my cousin and you've got two choices ... either i maul you to death or we have sex."..

after considering briefly, frank decided to accede to the latter alternative....even though he felt sore for two weeks, frank soon recovered and vowed revenge...

he headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. ..right after, there was another tap on his shoulder...this time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. ..the grizzly said, "that was a big mistake, frank...that was my cousin and you've got two choices. ..either i maul you to death or we have rough sex." ..again, frank thought it was better to cooperate...

although he survived, it took several months before frank finally recovered....outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it....he felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder....he turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there....the polar bear looked at him very sadly and said, "admit it, frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?".....

:lol: :yawn: :nooo: :142squint

 

[Dice34]

 

[yyz]

Hey........that little kid has his zipper open.

 

[Woodson]

GREAT THREAD!!! :00hour :00hour :00hour

 

[hedgehog]

kurby :142smilie