Lessons Only a Mother Could Teach....

[taoist]

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE- If you're going kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION -"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me LOGIC -"Because I said so, that's why."
My Mother taught me LOGIC...#2 "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT -"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY -"Kee! p crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISTS -"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA -"You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER -"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen THEN?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -"I brought yo! u into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -"Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY -"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...Just wait until we get home."
My Mother taught me about RECEIVING...."You are going to get it when we get home!"
My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE..."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD..."If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
My Mother taught me ESP..."Put your sweater on; don! 't you think I know when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me HUMOR..."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT..."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My Mother taught me about GENETICS..."You're just like your father."
My Mother taught me about my ROOTS..."Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE..."When you get to be my age, you will understand."
And my all time favorite... JUSTICE - One day you'll have kids ...and I hope they turn out just like you!"

 

[BahamaMama]

Re: Lessons Only a Mother Could Teach....

My Mother taught me about GENETICS..."You're just like your father."

this one i hope i NEVER have to use....... and yup, all the other ones, believe i have used

especially the kill each other OUTSIDE line

 

[taoist]

...thought you'd like that. i figure every once and a while i can post one you'll enjoy.

 

[KotysDad]

How about teaching "hand-eye coordination"

How else could my mother slap the shit out of two fighting brothers in the back seat of a car while merging onto I-95 with a semi barrelling down the right hand lane.

 

[taoist]

How about teaching "hand-eye coordination" How else could my mother slap the shit out of two fighting brothers in the back seat of a car while merging onto I-95 with a semi barrelling down the right hand lane.

...yeah, only 13 months difference. ...but i'm the elder. :thefinger ...you? :shrug:

 

[BahamaMama]

ROTFLMAO......just did this one on Sunday, but it was highway 52 at 80 mph
girl smacked boy and gave him a bloody nose.....I smacked back

 

[KotysDad]

Taoist,

I am 2 years older. I cant tell you how many times I heard "Dont make me pull this car over" from my father. Mom used to just start swinging like she was trying to get a bee out of the backseat.

Bahama,

LOL I hear ya. I have been on the receiving end of that many times. I think it was Bill Cosby that first used it in his comedy act, but I laughed so hard when I heard him say..... for 5 years of my life I thought my name was Jesus Christ. LOL

Jesus Christ when I get you home ......
Jesus Christ if I get my hands on you..... LOL

 

[BahamaMama]

Taoist,

Mom used to just start swinging like she was trying to get a bee out of the backseat

was this while dad was driving, and threatening to pull over, or did your mom have the *drivers seat ability* also? ?

 

[KotysDad]

was this while dad was driving, and threatening to pull over, or did your mom have the *drivers seat ability* also? ?

When mom and dad were both in the car....dad drove, mom in the passenger seat, and two well-behaved boys in the back Mom had 2 free hands then and she had cat-like reflexes. My brother and I used to try to divide and conquer lol. No way we would take them both on at the same time. Dad would give us that "look" through the rear-view mirror then mom would pounce. lol

 

[BahamaMama]

LMAO......cool......they had it easy then.......

i have to adjust my reflexes to blindly swing from the drivers seat and make sure i smack both from the rear view mirror

 

[KotysDad]

LOL I can just see it now....both of them getting bonked in the head like Larry and Curly.