> > LIBERALS and CONSERVATIVES:
> >
> > The division of the human family into its two distinct branches
> >occurred some 10,000 years ago, a few hundred years after the flood.
> >Humans coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
>
> >In the pivotal event of societal evolution, beer was invented. This
> >epochal innovation was both the foundation of modern civilization and
> >the occasion of the great bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct
>
> >subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
> >
> > Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the
> >beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can had
> >yet been invented, so it was necessary to stick pretty close to the
> >brewery. That's how villages were formed.
> >
> > Some men spent their days killing animals to barbeque at night
> >while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the
> >conservative movement.
> >
> > Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned
> >how to live off conservatives by showing up for the BBQs every night
> >and doing women's work like sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This
> >was the beginning
> >of the liberal movement. Later, some of the liberals actually became
> women.
> >
> > Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
> >invention of group therapy and democratic voting to see how to divide
> >the beer and meat that the conservatives provided. Women were not
> >interested in democracy at that time because most of them were still
> >women back then, and the conservatives fed them.
> >
> > Conservatives are symbolized by the largest, most powerful land
> >animal on earth. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
> >
> > Modern Liberals like imported beer (they add lime), but most
> >prefer white wine or foreign water in a bottle. They eat raw fish but
> >like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are on liberal
> >menus. Their women have more testosterone than the men. Liberals like
> >deviant sex and want others to like it too. Their first successful city
>
> >governments were Sodom and Gomorrah.
> >
> > Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, and
>
> >group Therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter
> >rule in baseball because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
> >
> > Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat, and still
> >provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo
> >cowboys, lumber jacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police
> >officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally
> >anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own
>
> >companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
> >
> > Liberals do not produce anything. They like to "govern" the
> >producers and decide what is to be done with the production. Liberals
> >believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most
>
> >of the liberals just stayed in Europe when conservatives were coming to
>
> >America.
> >
> > Conservatives have principles; believe in a Creator, and the
> >rule of law. They practice charity and give to the poor, normally
> >through their churches. When in doubt on an issue, they check both the
> >Bible and the Constitution, which they use as a constant reference in a
>
> >changing world. They believe in the concept of truth.
> >
> > Liberals do not have principles, except for their dedication to
> >stealing production of conservatives and undermining principled
> >references such as the Bible and Constitution. They are never in doubt
> >on an issue because they always do whatever is best for them without
> >regard to others. They have no standard of reference. Liberals do not
> >give to charity. They cultivate the poor like a cat cultivates a field
> >of mice. They use the poor as voters and give them a portion of stolen
> >tax money which they vote away from conservatives.
> >
> > Conservatives believe in self defense, both at home and abroad.
> >They own guns and use them to discourage liberals and other common
> >criminals. They provide guns to the armed forces to discourage foreign
> >liberals and other foreign criminals.
> >
> > Liberals do not believe in conservative self defense. They
> >disarm conservatives, and then attack them with impunity by liberal
> >armies with guns. King George, Hitler and Stalin were all liberals who
> >abandoned the rule of Law, had no principles except their own self
> >indulgence, and attempted to tax and govern conservatives. Liberals
> >believe in BIG government. They think the United Nations is the
> >ultimate answer.
> >
> > Conservatives believe in the rule of law and when sitting on
> >juries, convict common criminals and acquit fellow conservatives who
> >have been charged by liberals. When serving in the armed forces, they
> >shoot liberals from other countries who want to govern our country.
> >Conservatives know the difference between a common-sense law and a
> >bone-headed statute passed by some liberal from Massachusetts. When
> >sitting on juries, they do not enforce bone-headed statutes, and don't
> >explain their reasons.
> >
> > Liberals only believe in whatever laws are appealing to them,
> >such as the privilege of making a living by taxing conservatives. When
> >sitting on juries, liberals convict producers and acquit liberals and
> >other common criminals. Modern Judges are all liberals as they do not
> >produce anything except chaos, and are paid with confiscated tax money.
>
> >They consider it against the law to reference any source of law such as
>
> >the Bible or Constitution. Like other liberals, they just make it up as
>
> >they go and do what is best for them. Judge Roy Bean is their model.
> >
> > The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full-bore
> >Conservative. A hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting Texas was
> >attempting to find the
> >owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one of the ranch hands, and
> >inquired, "Pardon me, but could you perhaps tell me where I might
> locate
> >your master?" To which the cowboy replied, "That sumbitch ain't been
> born
> >yet".
> >
> > So, what'll it be? Wine or Beer? Domestic or Imported?
> >
> > The division of the human family into its two distinct branches
> >occurred some 10,000 years ago, a few hundred years after the flood.
> >Humans coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
>
> >In the pivotal event of societal evolution, beer was invented. This
> >epochal innovation was both the foundation of modern civilization and
> >the occasion of the great bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct
>
> >subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
> >
> > Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the
> >beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can had
> >yet been invented, so it was necessary to stick pretty close to the
> >brewery. That's how villages were formed.
> >
> > Some men spent their days killing animals to barbeque at night
> >while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the
> >conservative movement.
> >
> > Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned
> >how to live off conservatives by showing up for the BBQs every night
> >and doing women's work like sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This
> >was the beginning
> >of the liberal movement. Later, some of the liberals actually became
> women.
> >
> > Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
> >invention of group therapy and democratic voting to see how to divide
> >the beer and meat that the conservatives provided. Women were not
> >interested in democracy at that time because most of them were still
> >women back then, and the conservatives fed them.
> >
> > Conservatives are symbolized by the largest, most powerful land
> >animal on earth. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
> >
> > Modern Liberals like imported beer (they add lime), but most
> >prefer white wine or foreign water in a bottle. They eat raw fish but
> >like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are on liberal
> >menus. Their women have more testosterone than the men. Liberals like
> >deviant sex and want others to like it too. Their first successful city
>
> >governments were Sodom and Gomorrah.
> >
> > Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, and
>
> >group Therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter
> >rule in baseball because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
> >
> > Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat, and still
> >provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo
> >cowboys, lumber jacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police
> >officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally
> >anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own
>
> >companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
> >
> > Liberals do not produce anything. They like to "govern" the
> >producers and decide what is to be done with the production. Liberals
> >believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most
>
> >of the liberals just stayed in Europe when conservatives were coming to
>
> >America.
> >
> > Conservatives have principles; believe in a Creator, and the
> >rule of law. They practice charity and give to the poor, normally
> >through their churches. When in doubt on an issue, they check both the
> >Bible and the Constitution, which they use as a constant reference in a
>
> >changing world. They believe in the concept of truth.
> >
> > Liberals do not have principles, except for their dedication to
> >stealing production of conservatives and undermining principled
> >references such as the Bible and Constitution. They are never in doubt
> >on an issue because they always do whatever is best for them without
> >regard to others. They have no standard of reference. Liberals do not
> >give to charity. They cultivate the poor like a cat cultivates a field
> >of mice. They use the poor as voters and give them a portion of stolen
> >tax money which they vote away from conservatives.
> >
> > Conservatives believe in self defense, both at home and abroad.
> >They own guns and use them to discourage liberals and other common
> >criminals. They provide guns to the armed forces to discourage foreign
> >liberals and other foreign criminals.
> >
> > Liberals do not believe in conservative self defense. They
> >disarm conservatives, and then attack them with impunity by liberal
> >armies with guns. King George, Hitler and Stalin were all liberals who
> >abandoned the rule of Law, had no principles except their own self
> >indulgence, and attempted to tax and govern conservatives. Liberals
> >believe in BIG government. They think the United Nations is the
> >ultimate answer.
> >
> > Conservatives believe in the rule of law and when sitting on
> >juries, convict common criminals and acquit fellow conservatives who
> >have been charged by liberals. When serving in the armed forces, they
> >shoot liberals from other countries who want to govern our country.
> >Conservatives know the difference between a common-sense law and a
> >bone-headed statute passed by some liberal from Massachusetts. When
> >sitting on juries, they do not enforce bone-headed statutes, and don't
> >explain their reasons.
> >
> > Liberals only believe in whatever laws are appealing to them,
> >such as the privilege of making a living by taxing conservatives. When
> >sitting on juries, liberals convict producers and acquit liberals and
> >other common criminals. Modern Judges are all liberals as they do not
> >produce anything except chaos, and are paid with confiscated tax money.
>
> >They consider it against the law to reference any source of law such as
>
> >the Bible or Constitution. Like other liberals, they just make it up as
>
> >they go and do what is best for them. Judge Roy Bean is their model.
> >
> > The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full-bore
> >Conservative. A hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting Texas was
> >attempting to find the
> >owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one of the ranch hands, and
> >inquired, "Pardon me, but could you perhaps tell me where I might
> locate
> >your master?" To which the cowboy replied, "That sumbitch ain't been
> born
> >yet".
> >
> > So, what'll it be? Wine or Beer? Domestic or Imported?
