Moral/spiritual conflict...someone help!!!!!

[hello there]

I have a moral and spiritual dilemma, and I really need your guys advice. You all seem very smart...okay, here is my situation:

I met this girl(Pam) and we hit it off really well, but this girl said all the guys she has met has just used her or been with her for less than a year. Okay, that's a sign that maybe it's something about her, however, I'm not the type of guy who gets much chances with girls cause I'm pretty plain and not the best looking guy in the world, so I was happy to have someone, and I have a hard time staying with someone to, most of the times girls dump me. Anyways, we both told each other this and we decided to make a promise that if somehow if there are hard times in the relationship, that we would work it out instead of just abandoning it. This will sound weird, but we both are weird anyways....anyways, we both promised each other we would be together and stay faithful together for the next 5 years even if there is some turmoil in the relationship, I mean i figure all relationships can't be perfect anyways....to make this promise even more concrete, her and I went to a church we both believe in and promised God that we would stay exclusively together for atleast 5 years no matter what happens. Now fast forward 1 year, and there have been some bad times, but the promise we gave to God was strong enough to make us remember to try to work things out and stay together.

OKAY, now here is the part I need your help in, I MET ANOTHER GIRL....and this girl (call her Amanda) and her personality and looks, and everything else about her is 10 times better than Pam is, but I kept my promise and would only stay platonic with Amanda cause she knew I had a girlfriend. However, Amanda and I have been friends for 3 months now and I am in love with Amanda. She said the same about me about she respect that fact that I'm with someone. I mean we can talk for hours and hours and never get tired of each other. With Pam, we have grown apart, but you see, that PROMISE TO GOD still keeps us together and can't be with anyone else. Amanda has to leave in about a month from now to another state, and she told me to come with her, However, THAT PROMISE TO GOD, which I would feel guilty if I brake, is keeping me from going with AManda. But at the same time, I don't want to stay with PAM. Even if Pam is still somewhat interested in me, it has faded. However,,,my problem is that I feel Amanda is the girl of my dreams, this is the only girl I have ever imagine seeing myself getting old with and having kids with and living the rest of my life with. THis is the first time in my life i've been this happy with a girl. I need to ask you guys, do I leave to be with Amanda and Break my promise to God, or do I stay with Pam for another 4 years and lose Amanda??? (I doubt Amanda is gonna wait, plus I don't want her to wait cause that's unfair to her to have to wait for someone for 4 years, feelings can change and u can lose someone if 4 yrs go by without being with them). What do I do guys?? Break my promise to God, whom I prayed and faith in my entire life, and go with Amanda and be happy and potentially live the rest of my life with my love Amanda or do I stay in a mediocre, unfulling, dull relationship with Pam, who doesn't really give my life much meaning???

This is a moral and spiritual dilemma for me, I really need your advice, right now I don't know what to do and it's psychologically killing my brains right now. Any advice would be greatlhy appreciated.

 

[fletcher]

don't think god would look at that as a sin,if it was ment to be it would work,remember life doesnot always go as planned. also remember the grass isnot always greener on the other side don't let lust cloud your judgement.
you only have so many chances in life make sure you look at what is good for you and why you think the new one is miss right and i hope its more then a snatch because you can fall in love with that for an hour from 20$ up to 2,000 anight. so don't use that as a judgement.

[This message has been edited by fletcher (edited 08-10-2001).]

 

[katts]

Brain has nothing to do with relationships. Stop thinking and follow your heart. If your heart isn't yelling loud enough, then... well....... I know I'll sound like a real moron here, but I've done this a couple of times before, when I had to face certain situations regarding my emotional or professional future and REALLY couldn't figure out what was the best for me, even after talking with my family members and friends: ask God or whatever you believe in to "guide" you through the flip of a coin.

Call me crazy, but one of my philosophical concepts is that it's better to randomly take a decision than not taking any decision at all. Life is too short to just "hold" and let some situations "psychologically killing my brains" like you said. Good luck in your future, whatever you decide.

 

[Hooks]

First of all NOBODIES perfect!
It's easy to think things will be great when you meet someone new.
That was a very tough promise you made to God and each other in the beginning.Then as time passed reality struck and things changed,probably for both of you.
You best cut the crap and tell Pam as soon as you can what's up!As things are going these days in our world,I'm sure our Lord already knew what was going to happen with your relationship.He knew you mean't well.
I hope I didn't offend you,good luck in your future.

 

[parlayinn]

it seems like you made the promise because you were happy to find someone you could share your life with, not so much because you were in love with her. maybe this wasn't the right thing to do at that point (committing so early), but you can't change what's already done...all you can do from here is what's right for you...and that means pursuing your real LOVE...the person who will make you happy for the rest of your life...don't feel tied down to an obligation you shouldn't have made...good luck!

 

[REBEL YELL]

If you are really looking for advice, I think that you should go back to the church where you made your original vow and consult the minister. This is probably not the best place to ask for advice of this sort.

Good Luck.

 

[prospector]

you know ...

... if you keep looking, you will always keep finding ...

 

[djv]

Amen!

 

[#cruncher]

Please don't you or anyone else take this wrong or assume anything derogatory with this opinion...but...God, may or may not be, real...other people ARE. Just simply put yourself in her shoes and ask how you would want to be treated under the same circumstances...there is nothing to say that people can't change their minds (or have it changed for them

...just consider being honest with her...that is still usually the best policy...besides,it may be more important to hold ourselves accountable for our actions than it is to be right or wrong.

 

[SixFive]

The promise u made almost sounds like a wedding vow. I think it was unrealistic to make that sort of promise. If u love her enough and want to do it right, get married. Otherwise, I don't really think that was a legit promise. I do not think God would want u to make a promise to stay with a person for 5 years no matter what. Comparing that to marriage, God hates divorce, but God certainly does not want a person to stay in an abusive relationship. If I beat my wife every night or degraded her with verbal abuse or had affairs or spent my paycheck on the horses every weekend, God would not expect her to stay with me.

Also, if u keep looking, u will always keep finding. The grass is also always greener...

What first attracted u to girl #1? Does that not still attract u? Make a pro/con list for both girls. It helps to write things down.

I also agree with the advice above. Go see your minister.

------------------
It's far better to be LUCKY than good.

 

[Palmetto Pimp]

AMANDA

 

[double down]

I think you have already made your mind up....Amanda

------------------
How 'bout them 'eers

 

[Phanatic]

Follow yer heart man, and stop these inanities!

 

[hello there]

Okay, almost all of you say to follow my heart which is with Amanda....so that means I have to break my promise to God. GOd won't punish me right??? So God is going to look at my promise I made was stupid and irrational and forgive me for cancelling the promise right?? I won't get punished will I? I mean I did make a promise to God, and God can easily have a meteor from space fall from space into our atmosphere unto my head and crush me right?? I know this sounds stupid, but I'm being serious. Just wondering.

 

[DANW]

Just remember,what comes around goes around.Karma can be a bitch.Firsthand experience taught me that.God is not going to strike you down as you say.We are all given free will and the only meteors that might hit you are the ones you create.[ex.A SCORNED WOMEN].You have to ask yourself is this FEELING you have with Amanda the same type of feeling you had when you first met Pam.3 months is not long enough to make any long term decisions.It sounds like you have a nice relationship with Amanda,and as far as talking for hours and not getting tired of each other,see if you can say that after a year.If you can, then go for it,Do not make any hasty decisions.The grass is always greener on the other side.I hope whatever choice you make will lead you to your ultimate happiness.GOOD LUCK

 

[Tom0Co]

LMAO,

You have to be a producer of one those sleazy talk shows looking for market feedback!

 

[Neemer]

Hello "OUT" There.......

Tell me you're just clowning around! PLEASE!

 

[buddy]

Dear Abby,

Hi. My name is hello there. Does that make sense? Well anyway, I know I'm a twit and my girlfriend wants to break up with me. What should I do?

Goodbye,

Hello there
---------------------------------------------

Hello there,

I can't help you. I don't help twits. Take your troubles to www.madjacks.com.

Wwhheew,

Abby

 

[prospector]

I mean I did make a promise to God, and God can easily have a meteor from space fall from space into our atmosphere unto my head and crush me right??

i wonder ... which meteor would God pick to do the job.
and then i wonder ... would it be big enough to get the job done right.

sooo sooo much to know.
so little time.