Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let
>her.
> As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears,
>and
>promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the
>ball,
>but only on two conditions.
>"First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees. "What's the second
>condition?" "You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will
>turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m. The appointed
>hour comes and goes and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m.,
>Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and very satisfied. "Where have you
been?" demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to have
>turned into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!" "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother.
>He took care of everything." "I know of no prince with that kind of power!
>Tell me his name!" "I can't remember, exactly ...Peter Peter Pumpkin .. something or
>other..."
>-------------------------------------------------
>
> Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain
>about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to
>visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little
>sandpaper on his manhood and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A couple
>of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked
>him, "How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when
>suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a
>Sword to her throat, said "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!" To that,
>Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out
>a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No you're not! You're going
>to eat me, just like it says in the book!"
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>MICKEY MOUSE and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court. The judge
>said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "I
>didn't say she was crazy, I said, "she's f**king Goofy."
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up
>behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his nose
>screaming, "Lie to me you Bastard! , Lie to me!"
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love Pumpkins!
>her.
> As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears,
>and
>promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the
>ball,
>but only on two conditions.
>"First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees. "What's the second
>condition?" "You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will
>turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m. The appointed
>hour comes and goes and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m.,
>Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and very satisfied. "Where have you
been?" demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to have
>turned into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!" "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother.
>He took care of everything." "I know of no prince with that kind of power!
>Tell me his name!" "I can't remember, exactly ...Peter Peter Pumpkin .. something or
>other..."
>-------------------------------------------------
>
> Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain
>about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to
>visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little
>sandpaper on his manhood and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A couple
>of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked
>him, "How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when
>suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a
>Sword to her throat, said "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!" To that,
>Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out
>a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No you're not! You're going
>to eat me, just like it says in the book!"
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>MICKEY MOUSE and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court. The judge
>said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "I
>didn't say she was crazy, I said, "she's f**king Goofy."
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up
>behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his nose
>screaming, "Lie to me you Bastard! , Lie to me!"
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love Pumpkins!
