Out of the Mouths of babies....
NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer
evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She
was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old
shout
from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell
me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it
in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a
charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it
fell in the toilet a few days ago.
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher
a Note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents. "
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the
jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter
to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her
mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right
now. She's hitting the bottle."
MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the
women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little
boy before?" !
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to
elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon
rounds. The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers
and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a
pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the
inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When
she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear
that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a
headache the next morning."
DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our
minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box
and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the
deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and
with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his Father
always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn and into the
hole he gooooes."
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm
just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write
and they won't let me talk!"
BR!BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as
he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that
had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found ", the boy
called out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young
boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer
evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She
was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old
shout
from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell
me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it
in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a
charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it
fell in the toilet a few days ago.
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher
a Note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents. "
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the
jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter
to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her
mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right
now. She's hitting the bottle."
MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the
women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little
boy before?" !
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to
elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon
rounds. The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers
and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a
pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the
inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When
she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear
that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a
headache the next morning."
DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our
minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box
and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the
deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and
with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his Father
always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn and into the
hole he gooooes."
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm
just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write
and they won't let me talk!"
BR!BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as
he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that
had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found ", the boy
called out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young
boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
