Pies! Get your Cow Pies, here!

[Cow]

I got some good news and some bad news. Then again... who don't?

MIA +2? @ BUF 33?
Everybody and their mother is familiar with Miami's history of taking the late-season gas pipe. Not to mention their inability to perform at their best in cold weather. Welp, I wouldn't go lookin' for no changes in these patterns, if yuz catch my drift.

Hey! Have you noticed? The Buff has actually been showing off some offense, lately! As you know, their defense has been stellar all season. Anyway, I think Kevin Gilbride probably deserves some sorta credit for finally realizing/admitting that his most powerful offensive weapon is, and always has been, Travis Henry! I know, Miami has a very stingy run defense, but it's crucial that Kevin and Buffy stick with Travis Henry. Lets face it, there ain't gunna be a massive amounta scoring goin' on. You just gotta stay with the gameplan, Kevin. Give the ball to Travis Henry! Do I like the Bills in this spot? Abza-freakin'-lutely! I just wish I could believe that Gilbride will give the football to Travis Henry more than twenty times. I mean, if I could, this'd be a Power Pie! BILLS -2?

BAL -3 @ CLE 36
Over the last five weeks, I believe the home dogs have gone 17-5-2 to the number. That's 77% winners, Charlie. Yesterday, I guess they went 1-1, but come on! The Jets had 9 more first downs and 50 more net yards. Christ! ('Tis the season) They ran 23 more plays than the Patriots! So what happened? Did you see that Chad Pennington completed passes to 12 different players? That's unbelievable! How the hell did I get beat?

What's that? Oh. Ah, sh... yeah, that explains it. Sure.

And of them twelve guys what Pennington completed passes to, over half of 'em were actually on his team! Barely.

C'mon, Gilbride, give the ball to Travis Henry, okay? I don't wanna have to come lookin' for ya.

The last time the Browns' defense went up against Jamal Lewis (wow, I almost got side-tracked there for a minute), they were scorched for an NFL-record 295 rushing yards. So, I'm figurin' the Cleveland stop unit oughtta be motivated, at the very least. And did I mention that I like home dogs? BROWNS +3 Power Pie

I got four more, at least, so uh, I'll be back.

 

[Cow]

CIN +7 @ STL 52?
The Bengals know that if they win out, they'll be going to the playoffs for the first time since 1990. Don't think they ain't excited by this opportunity. Rudi Johnson and Corey Dillon gotta be huge partsa the Cincy gameplan, because the Rams have shown they ain't interested in stopping the run. Plus, it helps you shorten the game, thereby lessening the numbera times that your defense has to take the field. Talent ain't the issue, here. I'm tellin' yuz, Cincy has the talent. If the Rams look past this game, they are gunna get their asses handed to 'em. And even if they are properly motivated and prepared, I think St Louis is gunna find themselves in a war. Hey! It's just game 15 of the long regular season for the Rams, but as everyone in the WKRP audience knows, for Cincinnati, this is game one of the Super Bowl tournament. BENGALS +7 Power Pie

SD +6 @ PIT 41
The Chargers have been playing much better of late, but have little to show for it. Meanwhile, the tremendous disappointment that has been the Pittsburgh season, looked like it had finally taken hold of the Steelers last week. I mean, that 0-6 loss to the Jets was a pitiful sight. I know this a common theme, today, but I think all that the Bolts need to do in this game is pound Tomlinson all day long. I'm sure Pitt will play with pride for a half or so, but by the time the 4th quarter starts, I'll bet their defense'll look more like ushers than tacklers. CHARGERS +6

Anybody remember a song by Greg Lake called Father Christmas? Very cool.

As are eacha you bums!

 

[Cow]

AZ +14 @ SEA 44
I will nearly always take 14 points in the NFL. The talent differences are too small and the reasons for running it up are too few. The great fans in Seattle might be able to keep the Hawks focused and hungery, but I wouldn't bet on it. In fact, as the sharper of those amongst ya may notice, I am betting against it. CARDINALS +14

ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

No L, get it? Noel? Ah, shaddup.

 

[Cow]

Have guts and all your picks will be on fire
Jack shots slipping down your throat
Christmas carols being sung by a choir
I'd buy yuz all somethin' but I'm broke

All I can offer is a simple phrase
That, and a shot or two of booze
Although its been said many times, many ways
Merry Christmas, you boobs!

DEN +6 @ IND 47
I don't know about you, but in the barnyards I frequent a fella might think this is the only game on the board this week. I mean, it's the only game anybody is talking about. Broncos vs Colts. Who's got the most horsepower? Is either one a phoney pony? To me, Denver is, and always has been the better team. Acourse, as post time approaches, injuries and the home field might have the Colts lookin' like the second coming of Secretariat, but I'm tellin' ya, I've seen the numbers. I've read the form. And if you're tellin' me Indy is giving 6 points in a meaningful contest, I am takin' 'em with a smile. See yuz in the winner's circle! BRONCOS +6 Power Pie

Attention Mike Vanderjadt! You better miss one pretty soon, buddy. You do not want your streak to be going when you lineup for that 48-yard post-season field goal, with 3 seconds on the clock and the Colts trailing by a point. Believe me. You won't like how that story ends. Have a Merry Christmas, Mike.

Peace on Earth, brothers and sisters! Peace on Earth!

 

[IE]

just want too check in and wish you the best wishes for the holiday season and a prosperous time Cow....

i raise a glass and say all the best to you!

 

[Cow]

Only you, Investment Executive, could make me smile so genuinely, when I'm having my worst NFL day in over two years.

Thank you, IE. If class was loot, you'd be Billy Freakin' Gates!

Happiness, safety and prosperity, baby! May you and yours enjoy the holiday trifecta!

Hey, maybe you changed my luck, too!

Like, moo, my friend. Like, moo.