Prayers Needed and advice

[lawtchan]

One of my daughters 6th grade classmates, Jevon Jimmerson, committed suicide by hanging himself Wednesday after school

Alot of speculation going on as to why, but interim grades went home on Wednesday and he was faltering in school.

They did a 2nd EEG, within in 24 hours, this morning and he had no brain activity and his family took him off the ventilator.

The prinicpal notified the school kids this am.

My wife and I picked up our daughter and she said it was very sad and everyone was crying and grief counselors were there. Jevon was well-liked by everyone, she said.

We were talking and my daughter mentioned she couldn't believe he died of an 'asthma' attack. I asked her what she meant, and she said the school said he had an asthma attack and died this am at the hospital.

Now I feel I'm at a crossroads.

I want to talk to my daughter about what really happend to reinforce, "NOTHING" will be so bad as to take your own life and answer questions she may have.

but, I don't want her to lose trust in the school system and I have to explain why they are 'lying' to her and her classmates..

I know, I should say 'FVck" the school system , take care of your daughter.

just terrible, and I'm at a loss for words. You always ask questions AFTER the fact..


WHAT could possibly be so bad as to kill yourself and how does a 12 year old know about suicide and even contemplate it.

from what I understand he was a good kid, no emotional/family problems.

just horrible, horrible, horrible...

RIP Jevon. May you be at Peace.

 

[saint]

No right answer on this one, trust your gut. The truth will get out so maybe it's better for some explanation to come from you than from classmates? Not an easy one either way.

 

[DuckDogs]

Terrible- thought and prayers to the family. I think I would tell my child the truth, as much as you don't want to compromise her faith in the school system- I think you'd reinforce her faith in her father. Tough talk to have no matter what you decide, but I would want to underscore the message you state above, nothing is ever so bad that it has to come to suicide.

 

[Sportsaholic]

I would contact the school and say you want to have an open & honest talk with your daughter on what has happened. Ask the school if there are saying this was not a Suicide and why?

So sad, so young............

 

[The Boys]

Do you know for a fact he hung himself or was it reall an asthma attack. Maybe you should wait for all the details to come out?

 

[dunclock]

TERRIBLE move on the schools part as the truth will spread quickly and then they have to come up with a reason for their cover up from questioning students AND parents

go with your gut bud but I would suggest open line of communication for questions, advice and comforting

sorry to hear and best of luck

 

[kickserv]

If he did kill himself, all the kids will know eventually.

Tell your daughter the truth.


Bullying in schools is out of control, hope he didn't kill himself because of constant bullying.

 

[SixFive]

How terrible!!


I thought it was bad when one of my son's classmates choked to death in kindergarten; this is even worse.

I would tell her.

 

[The Boys]

Don't tell her until the entire truth comes out.

 

[lawtchan]

Do you know for a fact he hung himself or was it reall an asthma attack. Maybe you should wait for all the details to come out?

I just spoke to our elementary school's couselor who was at my daughter's school today.

I told her of my confilictions and she said "Who told you he hung himself"

I could tell she was pissed. I asked her if they thought of the position the school is in when the 'truth' comes out by 'misrepresenting the facts'

She wouldn't answer me and gave me the canned answer. "At this time we are respecting the familiy's privacy"

Well good luck getting the trutst you have built up in these kids on Monday when everyone knows the truth.

Now, I need to go explain to my daughter why the school would essentially lie to them.

I am going the route of kids being emotionally fragile and the school leaves this type of discussion to the parents.

 

[lawtchan]

I would contact the school and say you want to have an open & honest talk with your daughter on what has happened. Ask the school if there are saying this was not a Suicide and why?

So sad, so young............

I spoke with a counselor who was up their today and got the response.

"We are respecting the family's privacy"

 

[The Boys]

Don't talk to your kids yet.........what if you are wrong. How will you take it back once you've said it, just wait until the investigation is over, what's the hurry?

 

[hedgehog]

Don't talk to your kids yet.........what if you are wrong. How will you take it back once you've said it, just wait until the investigation is over, what's the hurry?

In this case this is what I would do

sorry to hear about this, I do not like the school lieing to the kids if they are lieing, that is just wrong, but at 11-12 years old they may not understand?

 

[Terryray]

Sounds like you know for sure it was at least a suicide. If so, tell you daughter now. Kids can detect when some big thing is being evaded, or worse, when they are given lies thru vague language and euphemistic expination.

yes, enough of the truth (never "full" enough tho) will come out and spread around pretty quick. Evading the truth, providing falsehoods and attempting to mislead the children will do more harm than good. Any decent counsellor will tell you that, if anyone really needs confirmation of the obvious.

Your expinations must be simple and direct "He committed suicide, which means he killed himself". Listen then to her response, let her lead the conversation--by this method you can discern what her specific concerns might be (abandonment, guilt, confusion, anger, whatever) so you can address them, and see what the gaps in her understanding are, so you can fill those and avoid them getting filled by classmates who-knows-what.

You will have to be a good listener, sensitive to body language, and such, to draw out her emotional responses. She will probably be thinking it over for weeks as it all gets processed, keep with her on it, initiate furthur conversations.

You are striving for honesty and trust, emotional support and understanding, providing needed and true explinations to avoid crazy or hurtful ones she will be fed on the playground and such.

 

[THE KOD]

Sounds like you know for sure it was at least a suicide. If so, tell you daughter now. Kids can detect when some big thing is being evaded, or worse, when they are given lies thru vague language and euphemistic expination.

yes, enough of the truth (never "full" enough tho) will come out and spread around pretty quick. Evading the truth, providing falsehoods and attempting to mislead the children will do more harm than good. Any decent counsellor will tell you that, if anyone really needs confirmation of the obvious.

Your expinations must be simple and direct "He committed suicide, which means he killed himself". Listen then to her response, let her lead the conversation--by this method you can discern what her specific concerns might be (abandonment, guilt, confusion, anger, whatever) so you can address them, and see what the gaps in her understanding are, so you can fill those and avoid them getting filled by classmates who-knows-what.

You will have to be a good listener, sensitive to body language, and such, to draw out her emotional responses. She will probably be thinking it over for weeks as it all gets processed, keep with her on it, initiate furthur conversations.

You are striving for honesty and trust, emotional support and understanding, providing needed and true explinations to avoid crazy or hurtful ones she will be fed on the playground and such.

............................................................

alot of good advise to a very sad situation

The thing is if he tells her now he puts her in the position of maybe telling some other kids at school monday.

This could really turn into a hurtful situation to put your child in.

the truth will come out

have patience and talk to her more when it does.

privacy is one thing

but making matters worse when kids are involved is another.