Found elsewhere, but amusingly noteworthy.....
Humans first existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during
the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and
lobster in the winter.
The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention
of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented
to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern
civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of
humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the
beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum
can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were
sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed
close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to
B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the
beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned
to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's
and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the
beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men
eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication
of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the
concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and
beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years, conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals became
symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most
prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but
like their beef well done. Sushi!, tofu, and French food are standard
liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone
who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They
crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying
to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that
Democrats may have a momentary urge to respond to the above before simply laughing and forwarding it.
A Republican will be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately.
Humans first existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during
the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and
lobster in the winter.
The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention
of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented
to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern
civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of
humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the
beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum
can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were
sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed
close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to
B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the
beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned
to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's
and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the
beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men
eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication
of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the
concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and
beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years, conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals became
symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most
prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but
like their beef well done. Sushi!, tofu, and French food are standard
liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone
who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They
crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying
to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that
Democrats may have a momentary urge to respond to the above before simply laughing and forwarding it.
A Republican will be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately.
