Sick Joke Thread NSFW and could be offensive!!

[1%er]

Jerry?s at the urinal in an airport restroom when a guy with no arms slidess up next to him and pleads, "Hey, buddy?can you help me out here?"

Though he feels uneasy, Jerry bravely unzips the man, takes a deep breath, and reaches in to pull out the guy?s penis. Much to his horror, it?s hideous. It?s moldy and bluish green, covered with pus-filled scabs, and it reeks something awful.

Imagining the kudos he?ll get on Judgment Day, Jerry holds the man?s unit while he finishes urinating, shakes it, then puts it back in the man?s pants and zips him up.

The guy tells Jerry, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."

"No problem," says Jerry. "But I gotta ask?What the hell?s wrong with your johnson?"

The guy pokes his arms back out of his sleeves and says, "I don?t know, but I sure as hell ain?t touching it."

 

[1%er]

Two tramps were walking along the railroad tracks one day and one tramp said to the other, "I'm the luckiest guy in the world".

"Why is that?" said the other tramp.

"Well, I was walking down these tracks last week and I found a 20$. I went into town and bought a case of wine and was drunk for three days."

The other tramp said, "That was pretty good, but I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I was walking down these very tracks about two weeks ago, and just up ahead was a gorgeous naked woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and took her up there in the trees and I had sex with her for two days."

"Jesus", said the first tramp. "You are the luckiest guy; did you get a blow job, too?"

"Well", the other tramp said, "No, I never found her head."

:mj07: :mj07:

 

[1%er]

After losing his fortune, a Texas oilman decided to spend his last twenty bucks at a whorehouse.

He entered and promptly went up to the Madam and asked her what he could get for $20. The Madam gave him a lengthy stare and told him to go upstairs, last door on the left.

He proceeded to march up the stairs and entered the room. To his shock and pleasure he saw a beautiful blonde waiting naked on the bed. So he tore off his clothes and jumped on and started pumping away for dear life.

Upon orgasm he noticed that stuff started oozing out of her eyeballs. He runs down to the Madam to report this and she looks at him turns around and yells, "Hey Charlie....... The dead one's full again!"