A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand,and discoverswhat looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie....
But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull grey suit. There's a calculator ! in his pocket. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."
"I'm not falling for this." says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS agent."
"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and It looks like you're a goner anyway!" The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.
"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink."
***POOF*** The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasishe has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, kid, what's your second wish."
"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."
***POOF*** The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled
with rare gold coins and precious gems.
"OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"
After ! thinking for a few minutes, the man says: "I wish that no matter where I go beautiful women will want and need me.
***POOF*** He is turned into a tampon.
The moral of the story?
.................................
If the IRS offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached.
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The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.
Bonus Question:
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
One student wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
Second, as for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
Considering then, the postulate presented to me by Teresa K. during my freshman year that: "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,". And take into account the fact that over two years later, I still have not succeeded in having relations with her; then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.
The Student received the only "A" given.
hwnhrt
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand,and discoverswhat looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie....
But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull grey suit. There's a calculator ! in his pocket. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."
"I'm not falling for this." says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS agent."
"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and It looks like you're a goner anyway!" The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.
"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink."
***POOF*** The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasishe has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, kid, what's your second wish."
"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."
***POOF*** The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled
with rare gold coins and precious gems.
"OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"
After ! thinking for a few minutes, the man says: "I wish that no matter where I go beautiful women will want and need me.
***POOF*** He is turned into a tampon.
The moral of the story?
.................................
If the IRS offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.
Bonus Question:
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
One student wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
Second, as for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
Considering then, the postulate presented to me by Teresa K. during my freshman year that: "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,". And take into account the fact that over two years later, I still have not succeeded in having relations with her; then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.
The Student received the only "A" given.
hwnhrt
