Stupid Lyrics Monday

[Felonious Monk]

I am not-so-proud to present the first in a continuing series of songs with lyrics so bad they make your brain hurt and your eardrums bleed. The first entry may not be the worst song ever written, but it sure ranks up there:

Wake Me Up Before You Go Go (WHAM)

Jitterbug
Jitterbug
Jitterbug
Jitterbug

You put the boom-boom into my heart
You send my soul sky high when your lovin' starts
Jitterbug into my brain
Goes a bang-bang-bang 'til my feet do the same
But something's bugging you
Something ain't right
My best friend told me what you did last night
Left me sleepin' in my bed
I was dreaming, but I should have been with you instead.

Wake me up before you go-go
Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo
Wake me up before you go-go
I don't want to miss it when you hit that high
Wake me up before you go-go
'Cause I'm not plannin' on going solo
Wake me up before you go-go
Take me dancing tonight
I wanna hit that high (yeah, yeah)

You take the grey skies out of my way
You make the sun shine brighter than Doris Day
Turned a bright spark into a flame
My beats per minute never been the same

'Cause you're my lady, I'm your fool
It makes me crazy when you act so cruel
Come on, baby, let's not fight
We'll go dancing, everything will be all right

Wake me up before you go-go
Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo
Wake me up before you go-go
I don't want to miss it when you hit that high
Wake me up before you go-go
'Cause I'm not plannin' on going solo
Wake me up before you go-go
Take me dancing tonight
I wanna hit that high (yeah, yeah, baby)

(Jitterbug)
(Jitterbug)

Cuddle up, baby, move in tight
We'll go dancing tomorrow night
It's cold out there, but it's warm in bed
They can dance, we'll stay home instead

(Jitterbug)

Wake me up before you go-go
Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo
Wake me up before you go-go
I don't want to miss it when you hit that high
Wake me up before you go-go
'Cause I'm not plannin' on going solo
Wake me up before you go-go
Take me dancing tonight

Wake me up before you go-go, don't you dare to leave me hanging on like a yo-yo
Take me dancing tonight


Ugh.

 

[in2fitness]

Monk--- I hope you don't mind me posting this on your thread but your post made me think of this group MOD that I used to listen to in high school. They have some of the funniest/stupid lyrics that I've ever heard.

Captain Crunch
From the album USA for MOD

Soggies suck

I was sitting up at night
I was feeling so uptight
I was just fucking around
There was something dragging me down

Thinking of a bite to eat
Thought this would be really neat
Cheerios are stale that's beat
But Captain Crunch is fun to eat

Captain Crunch, Captan Crunch
He's inviting you to munch
Captain Crunch, Captain Crunch
Munch a bunch a munch a munch

Fuck my brain

Scoffing down this yellow wheat
Is making me feel kind of beat
My head is spinning round and round
Now my teeth are turning brown

My face is starting to come apart
From this overdose of starch
I really wish mom wasn't here
I'll have another box of beer

Captain Crunch, Captain Crunch
He's inviting you to munch
Captain Crunch, Captain Crunch
Munch a bunch a munch a munch

 

[yyz]

"We are deeply offended by this......."

--George "Wayside" Michael & Andrew "Fluffer" Ridgeley

 

[Bluemound Freak]

Man I used to Listen to MOD, They rocked in High School, I still love THE HATE TANK!!!!


I'll find some lyrics before the day is out!

 

[Felonious Monk]

And who remembers this one from Murray Head?

One Night in Bangcock

Bangkok, Oriental setting
And the city don't know that the city is getting
The creme de la creme of the chess world in a
Show with everything but Yul Brynner

Time flies -- doesn't seem a minute
Since the Tirolean spa had the chess boys in it
All change -- don't you know that when you
Play at this level there's no ordinary venue

It's Iceland --
or the Philippines --
or Hastings -- or --
or this place!

One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster
The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free
You'll find a god in every golden cloister
And if you're lucky then the god's a she
I can feel an angel sliding up to me

One town's very like another
When your head's down over your pieces, brother

It's a drag, it's a bore, it's really such a pity
To be looking at the board, not looking at the city

Whaddya mean? Ya seen one crowded, polluted, stinking town

Tea, girls, warm, sweet
Some are set up in the Somerset Maugham suite

Get Thai'd! You're talking to a tourist
Whose every move's among the purest
I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine

One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
Can't be too careful with your company
I can feel the devil walking next to me

Siam's gonna be the witness
To the ultimate test of cerebral fitness
This grips me more than would a
Muddy old river or reclining Buddha

And thank God I'm only watching the game --
controlling it --

I don't see you guys rating
The kind of mate I'm contemplating
I'd let you watch, I would invite you
But the queens we use would not excite you

So you better go back to your bars, your temples,
your massage
parlours --

One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster
The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free
You'll find a god in every golden cloister
A little flesh, a little history
I can feel an angel sliding up to me

One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
Can't be too careful with your company
I can feel the devil walking next to me.




Let's see who can top that one.

 

[Palmetto Pimp]

"Baby Got Back"

[Intro]
Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt.
It is so big. *scoff* She looks like,
one of those rap guys' girlfriends.
But, y'know, who understands those rap guys? *scoff*
They only talk to her, because,
she looks like a total prostitute, 'kay?
I mean, her butt, is just so big. *scoff*
I can't believe it's just so round, it's like,
out there, I mean - gross. Look!
She's just so ... black!

[Sir Mix-a-Lot]
I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waste
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull up tough
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But with that butt you got makes
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz?
Well, use me, use me
'Cause you ain't that average groupy
I've seen them dancin'
The hell with romancin'
She's wet, wet,
Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' flat butts are the thing
Take the average black man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back
So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got the butt? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)
Shake that healthy butt!
Baby got back!

(LA face with Oakland booty)
Baby got back!

[Sir Mix-a-Lot]
I like 'em round, and big
And when I'm throwin' a gig
I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal
Now here's my scandal
I wanna get you home
And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh
I ain't talkin' bout Playboy
'Cause silicone parts are made for toys
I want 'em real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double
Mix-a-Lot's in trouble
Beggin' for a piece of that bubble
So I'm lookin' at rock videos
Watchin' these bimbos walkin' like hoes
You can have them bimbos
I'll keep my women like Flo Jo
A word to the thick soul sistas, I wanna get with ya
I won't cuss or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna *fuck*
Til the break of dawn
Baby got it goin' on
A lot of simps won't like this song
'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it
And I'd rather stay and play
'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the friction on
So, ladies! {Yeah!} Ladies! {Yeah}
If you wanna role in my Mercedes {Yeah!}
Then turn around! Stick it out!
Even white boys got to shout
Baby got back!

Baby got back!
Yeah, baby ... when it comes to females, Cosmo ain't got nothin'
to do with my selection. 36-24-36? Ha ha, only if she's 5'3".

[Sir Mix-a-Lot]
So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playin' workout tapes by Fonda
But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda
My anaconda don't want none
Unless you've got buns, hon
You can do side bends or sit-ups,
But please don't lose that butt
Some brothers wanna play that "hard" role
And tell you that the butt ain't go
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
So Cosmo says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that!
'Cause your waste is small and your curves are kickin'
And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'
To the beanpole dames in the magazines:
You ain't it, Miss Thing!
Give me a sista, I can't resist her
Red beans and rice didn't miss her
Some knucklehead tried to dis
'Cause his girls are on my list
He had game but he chose to hit 'em
And I pull up quick to get wit 'em
So ladies, if the butt is round,
And you want a triple X throw down,
Dial 1-900-MIXALOT
And kick them nasty thoughts
Baby got back!

(Little in the middle but she got much back) [4x]

 

[Palmetto Pimp]

That MOD song is crackin me up...heres a good one

WALK LIKE AN EGYTIAN
All the old paintings on the tombs
They do the sand dance, dont you know
If they move too quick (oh whey oh)
They're falling down like a domino.

All the bazaar men by the Nile
They got their money on a bet
Gold crocodiles (oh whey oh)
They snap their teeth on your cigarette.

Foreign types with the hookah pipes say:
Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh
Walk like an Egyptian.

The blonde waitresses take their trays
They spin around and they cross the floor
They've got the moves (oh whey oh)
You drop your drink, then they bring you more.

All the school kids so sick of books
They like the punk and the metal band
When the buzzer rings (oh whey oh)
They're walking like an Egyptian.

All the kids in the market place say:
Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh
Walk like an Egyptian.

Slide your feet up the street, bend your back
Shift your arm, then you pull it back
Life is hard, you know (oh whey oh)
So strike a pose on a Cadillac.

If you want to find all the cops
They're hanging out in the donut shop
They sing and dance (oh whey oh)
Spin the clubs, cruise down the block.

All the Japanese with their yen
The party boys call the Kremlin
And the Chinese know (oh whey oh)
They walk the line like Egyptian.

All the cops in the donut shop say:
Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh
Walk like an Egyptian
Walk like an Egyptian.
K LIKE AN EGYTIAN

 

[Anders]

If ever there was a thread with my name written allllll oooovvverrrr it....

U gotta remember this baby!!

Yam! Bam! mon chat Splash
G?t sur mon lit a bouff? sa langue
En buvant tout mon whisky quant ? moi
Peu dormi, vid?, brim?
J'ai d? dormir dans la goutti?re
O? j'ai eu un flash
Hou! Hou! Hou! Hou!
En quatre couleurs


Allez hop! un matin
Une louloute est venue chez-moi
Poup?e de Cellophane
Cheveux chinois un sparadrap
Une gueule de bois a bu ma bi?re
Dans un grand verre en caoutchouc
Hou! Hou! Hou! Hou!
Comme un indien dans son igloo


?a plane pour moi ?a plane pour moi
?a plane pour moi moi moi moi moi
?a plane pour moi
Hou! Hou! Hou! Hou!
?a plane pour moi


Allez hop! la nana quel panard!
Quelle vibration! de s'envoyer
Sur le paillasson
Lim?e, ruin?e, vid?e, combl?e
You are the King of the divan!
Qu'elle me dit en passant
Hou! Hou! Hou! Hou!
I am the King of the divan

?a plane pour moi ?a plane pour moi
?a plane pour moi moi moi moi moi
?a plane pour moi
Hou! Hou! Hou! Hou!
?a plane pour moi


Allez hop! t'occupe t'inqui?te touche pas ma plan?te
It's not today
Quel le ciel me tombera sur la t?te
Et que l'alcool me manquera
Hou! Hou! Hou! Hou!
?a plane pour moi


Allez hop! ma nana s'est tir?e
S'est barr?e enfin c'est marre ? tout casser
L'?vier, le bar me laissant seul
Comme un grand connard
Hou! Hou! Hou! Hou!
Le pied dans le plat


?a plane pour moi ?a plane pour moi
?a plane pour moi moi moi moi moi
?a plane pour moi
Hou! Hou! Hou! Hou!
?a plane pour moi
?a plane pour moi ?a plane pour moi
?a plane pour moi moi moi moi moi

 

[Palmetto Pimp]

We have to include this one

Whip It

crack that whip
give the past the slip
step on a crack
break your momma's back

when a problem comes along
you must whip it
before the cream sits out too long
you must whip it
when something's going wrong
you must whip it

now whip it
into shape
shape it up
get straight
go forward
move ahead
try to detect it
it's not too late
to whip it
whip it good

when a good time turns around
you must whip it
you will never live it down
unless you whip it
no one gets their way
until they whip it

i say whip it
whip it good

 

[Bluemound Freak]

Up next here on Madjack Radio its Mexican Radio followed intensly with We CAn Dance by men with hats!

I used to help a guy at WEGL, the Auburn University college station, do the 80's show on Fridays and Saturdays! Chris the Cowman Phurrough! I loved doing that! I used to hit on the chicks that would call up with request, you know fat chicks have sexy voices!!!!:brows: Sat around and played with all the mixing boards and drank beer!

 

[yyz]

Babay Got back???????????//

Remember when Jamie foxx was Trail Mix-a-Lot, and gave us, "Baby Got Snacks"?

I like big girls and I can not lie
Even if they're big and wide
Swoopin', slaggin' and cheesy
You know if that meat is greasy
Scoopin' up chips and hot wings
Eatin' up cookies and ice cream
Grubbin' on burgers and fries
To feed those big ol' thighs
Oh baby
I wanna get with ya
Cause your pants don't fit ya
My homeboys try to warn me
But that gut you got
Me, me so hungry
Ooooh
Chewin' on pork skins
Your butt don't fit in my Benz
With smelly jelly
Feed that big ol' belly
I've seen her huffin'
Chokin' on milk and muffins
With butt, and gut
She's shaped like a Nissan truck
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' you always gotta be lean
You wanna put a big girl in a real good mood
She's gotta have some food
So fellas? _Yeah?_
Fellas? _Yeah?_
Do you really like your women stacked? _Hell, yeah!_
Then, feed her, please her
Feed her some Cracker Jacks
Baby's got snacks
L.A. face with a big ol' ass

'Till the break of dawn
Baby's got the food on
There's really not much to say
Neck's so thick she could eat a brick
If it was made by Frito-Lay
She's down and round
You wanna buffet throw down?
She's suckin' and lickin'
She's eatin up chicken
So ladies? _Yeah?_
Ladies? _Yeah?_
Do you really wanna go to shakies? _Hell yeah!_
Then turn around, stick it out
Even healthys gotta shout
Baby's got snacks
L.A. face with a big ol' ass

So your girlfriend's having a salad
Lookin' like bones- you've had it
Head shaped like a lincoln
So skinny, you can see what she's thinkin'
So take it from Trail Mix-A-Lot
You want a girlfriend you can dig?
Then give her a hug
'Cause there's more to love
Ain't nothin' wrong with being big
Baby's got snacks
Yeah baby, butt's so big, when she backs up, it sounds like beep beep beep beep beep

 

[Palmetto Pimp]

Definite bad one...

Jenny (867-5309) - Tommy Tutone

Jenny Jenny who can I turn to
You give me something I can hold on to
I know you'll think I'm like the others before
Who saw your name and number on the wall

Jenny I've got your number
I need to make you mine
Jenny don't change your number

Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Jenny Jenny you're the girl for me
You don't know me but you make me so happy
I tried to call you before but I lost my nerve
I tried my imagination but I was disturbed

Jenny I've got your number
I need to make you mine
Jenny don't change your number
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine

I got it (I got it) I got it
I got your number on the wall
I got it (I got it) I got it
For a good time, for a good time call

Jenny I've got your number
I need to make you mine
Jenny I've called your number

Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine

Jenny Jenny who can I turn to
(Eight six seven five three oh nine)
For the price of a dime I can always turn to you
(Eight six seven five three oh nine)

Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine
five three oh nine...

 

[Anders]

One of my favourite songs of all times....






She lives in this house over there
Has her world outside it
Scrapples in the earth with her fingers and her mouth
She's five years old

Thread worms on a string
Keeps spiders in her pocket
Collects fly wings in a jar
Scrubs horse flies
And pinches them on a line
Ohhh...

She has one friend, he lives next door
They're listenening to the weather
He knows how many freckles she's got
She scratches his beard

She's painting huge books
And glues them together
They saw a big raven
It glided down the sky
She touched it
Ohh...

Today is a birthday
They're smoking cigars
He's got a chain of flowers
And sows a bird in her knickers
Ohhh...

They're smoking cigars
They lie in the bathtub
A chain of ... flowers


...not the weirdest of their lyrics by a loooooonnnnggg shot...but a little tribute to our forum friend 1837 on his special day

 

[mb]

Anyone heard of The Uninvited

Anyone heard of The Uninvited

Too High for the Supermarket

by The Uninvited


Got the craving for some lunch, but I ain't got nothing to munch
My mind is set on just one wish - a big ol' sandwich - tuna fish
Time to make a grocery run, I'll walk there in the morning sun
Make a list of what I need most: Tuna fish and bread (for toast)
And though my stomach may be empty, I'll feed my head from the horn of plenty
Roll a joint Bob Marley style and smoke it 'till it makes me smile

Starting off in aisle one, fruits and veggies by the ton
Hey check it out, raddiccio! These red leaves, man, they almost glow!
And bok choy! I've always wanted to try it, I wonder if I have enough to buy it?

It's grown in Japan, or maybe China, or maybe some farm in South Carolina?
Just then I hear a voice in my head: "stay focused, man, tuna & bread,"
But right now I'm in produce bliss
Oh man, I'm too high for this

Too high for the supermarket, too high for the grocery store
Too high for the supermarket, ain't gonna shop like this no more

Everyone in here is staring at me...

Sixteen different brands of tuna, Chicken of the Sea or Big Kahuna
Packed in oil, packed in water, dolphin friendly, dolphin slaughter
And oh God, what about the bread? Should I get white or wheat instead?
Or... rye! Rye's the best I've tasted
Rye is best when ever you're wasted!

Finally done, its check-out time, searching for the shortest line
The Express Lane! But they don?t take checks and you've got to have ten items or less,
so let's see:
Ding Dongs, a bag of chips, Captain Crunch and some onion dip,
(it's sugar and salt, space and schism, the yin and yang of munchie Taoism)
I Got my favorite beer, Carlinger, and pre-sweetened Kool-Aid you eat with your finger

(You lick your finger then you stick it in the bag then your stick in down
your throat but not too far or you gag)
That's less than ten! Check me out, go ahead!
Oh, I forgot the tuna and the bread...

 

[in2fitness]

here ya go freak

here ya go freak

Hate Tank

When you see it coming
The shit runs down your leg
A rumble of disaster
It's much too late to beg
You didn't heed its warning
As it's parked on top of your house
Your baby's crushed to pulp
You're cornered you cry out

The Hate Tank
The Hate Tank
The Hate Tank
The Hate Tank

Its treads are stained with blood
Of victims who had pride
Some thought they'd defy it
All of them have died
Destruction in its wake
The mangled corpses rot
If you think you'll survive... NOT!

The Hate Tank
The Hate Tank
The Hate Tank
The Hate Tank

Here it comes, you better start running
Here it comes, you better start running

The armored shell coroded
From blood that now is dry
Markings left to signify
The deaths of many lives
Through many years of silence
Breaks a horrifying sound
You turn to look in disbelief
He's come to hunt you down

The Hate Tank
The Hate Tank
The Hate Tank
Hate Taaaaaak!

 

[in2fitness]

two more

two more

Ode To Harry

Harry got in his car
And turned the key
Started up and headed up the L.I.E.
Too cheap to get a real car
Had a Volkswagon Rabbit
And that put an end to Harry's cheap habit
Cause the trucker couldn't stop
So the driver just took aim
And when he hit Harry
Harry burst into flames
You're dead now Harry
And you can't come back
You'd still be alive if you drove a Cadillac

A.I.D.S. (MadJack if this is too vulgar please delete it)

You're accused of the following charges
You're a woman trapped inside a man
Your sexuality no one denies you
But your preference we can't understand
You are the lonliness of all people

It's time for you to realize
AIDS like the plague is from God
For he sees something wrong in his eyes

Analy Inflicted Death Sentence
A.I.D.S.
Analy Inflicted Death Sentence
A.I.D.S.
Analy Inflicted Death Sentence
A.I.D.S.
Analy Inflicted Death Sentence
A.I.D.S.

That's what you get for having
A penis up your ass
You should have used a condom
That's what you get when you
Swallow another man's load
A lubricated condom

How do you find love in another man's hairy ass
You should have used a condom
Millions of lost hamsters
Running ramped in your bowels
Take the Hershey Highway

Fudge packing men
Fudge packing men
Fudge packing men
Fudge packing men
A manly man
Fudge packing men
Fudge packing men
Fudge packing men

 

[Bluemound Freak]

That's It! Man That song kicks butt!

I used to listen to that before I would go to football practice and before games! Really helped piss me off!

 

[in2fitness]

freak

freak

I used to love this album. Did you like SOD too?

 

[Bluemound Freak]

Storm Troopers of Death!!!!!!!!


MOD, SOD, Anthrax, all the great early thrash metal!

here's one D.R.I. Remember Thrash Zone? Buddy of mine still listens to these guys!

 

[in2fitness]

Dirty Rotten Imbeciles

Dirty Rotten Imbeciles

Oh yeah...I used to love DRI too. Perfect work out music!