The 5 Stages of Texan Drunkenness
Stage 1
- SMART This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.
Reality
You can't even spell your state animal:
Armored Dildo
Stage 2
- GOOD LOOKING This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.
Reality
Your NOT in a bar but in a Zoo.
The baboons (when bending over) look purtier din ya'll.
I see ya got yer eye on Mabel near the feed'n trough ..hell throw yer Stetson over that booty yeeeeeeeeehaw!
Stage 3
- RICH This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.
Reality
Cash? We don't have no stinking cash. Ya'll carry more plastic then yer wifes/x-wifes have in their entire upper torso. Then again maybe not.
Stage 4
- BULLET PROOF You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!
Reality
Ya'll pick fights over the internet knowing that nobody in their right mind would waste the money to fly down a kick your butt. Ya'll mostly fight with words example: "You as smart as my horse Charley. Heh showed dem!"
Stage 5
- INVISIBLE This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.
Reality
No one can see you and thats a good thing, a very good thing!
SC
"Scream'n Vengeance"
Stage 1
- SMART This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.
Reality
You can't even spell your state animal:
Armored Dildo
Stage 2
- GOOD LOOKING This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.
Reality
Your NOT in a bar but in a Zoo.
The baboons (when bending over) look purtier din ya'll.
I see ya got yer eye on Mabel near the feed'n trough ..hell throw yer Stetson over that booty yeeeeeeeeehaw!
Stage 3
- RICH This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.
Reality
Cash? We don't have no stinking cash. Ya'll carry more plastic then yer wifes/x-wifes have in their entire upper torso. Then again maybe not.
Stage 4
- BULLET PROOF You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!
Reality
Ya'll pick fights over the internet knowing that nobody in their right mind would waste the money to fly down a kick your butt. Ya'll mostly fight with words example: "You as smart as my horse Charley. Heh showed dem!"
Stage 5
- INVISIBLE This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.
Reality
No one can see you and thats a good thing, a very good thing!
SC
"Scream'n Vengeance"
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