The little old lady and the bet

[barfly]

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" after much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"

The old lady replied, "I make bets."

The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"

The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"

The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?"

"Sure!" replied the confident president.

That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!"

The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.

"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall.

The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"

She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 am today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."

 

[ddubs]

LMFAO

 

[Private Petey]

The first person that finds an older, staler, more worn out joke wins a three day stay at barfly's teepee in Enid, OK. No shoes required.

 

[ozball]

Hey, enjoyed it immensely...keep it up barfly

 

[barfly]

OK Prickly Pete, here's one I think you'll remember........



Private Petey was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery, Schwartz had the longest penis he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said Petey, "But I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity."

Petey used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong.

Petey then stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.

"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and he opened his briefcase.

"Oh, my god!" she screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"

 

[Billy]

Damn Pee Pee, you're ate up with a bad attitude........take some
aspirin and go to bed.....get laid....do something.....here's one
for you fly although it's marginal at best, will come back with a
better one....
MATH IS GOOD! SECRET TO SUCCESS!!!!!

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more
than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants
over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

Herein is one answer: A little math that might prove helpful.
What makes life 100%?

If ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
is represented as

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26

Then,
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

And,
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But,
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

And,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get
you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over
the top..

 

[Billy]

LITTLE JOHNNY ON....GETTING OLDER

LITTLE JOHNNY ON....GETTING OLDER

Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy
bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across
from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for
you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat." Little
Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." The
man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own f-cking business!"

 

[nhl8810]

LMAO barfly nice prickey petee joke:toast:

 

[Cartman88]

Barfly,

LMFAO (especially the little old lady !!)

 

[barfly]

Harry says to his uncle, "Listen, you're alot older than me. Do me a favor... After you die, try to contact me from the afterlife."
His uncle says, "All right."

A few years later, his uncle passes away.

Then Harry's mowing the lawn one day when all of a sudden he hears, "Harry...Harry..."

He says, "Uncle Floyd? Uncle Floyd? Is that you, Uncle Floyd?"

He says, "Yes, Harry."

Harry says, "Whoa! Uncle Floyd! Tell me how it is! Tell me what it's like!"

His uncle says, "Well, we get up in the morning...we screw for a few hours, and then we have some breakfast. Then we screw for a few more hours...then we have some lunch. And we screw a little bit more...then we take a nap, and then we screw for another few hours...then we have a big dinner. Then we screw a few more hours and go to sleep, so we can wake up in the morning, and do it all over again."

Harry says, "Wow, Uncle Floyd. Heaven sure sounds great."

His uncle says, "Heaven? I'm a jackrabbit in Wyoming."

 

[djv]

Needed a good laugh. Balls are hurting. ROTF.

 

[Private Petey]

DJV, let's face facts. Your balls aren't hurting from laughing. That's just unrealistic given the old, lame jokes that barfly has given us. They're hurting because your right hand has been pumping and squeezing for 31 hours straight. There's a difference, you know.

 

[barfly]

A man was sitting at the bar one night talking to a friend of his when he says "I really have to get home my wife is going to kill me, this is the third night in a row that I have been late getting home."
His friend then tells him "Dont worry about it." "Just stay a little longer, I will tell you a secret that all of us men here at the bar use, when we are running a little late getting home".

So he says "ok Just a little while longer".

He stays about two more hours when he tells his friend "Look I really have to get home now my wife is going to kill me".

His friend then tells him, "this is what you need to do., crawl up underneath the covers when you get home and start eating her out". "when she wakes up in the morning she will have forgotten all about it".

So he goes home and does exactly what his friend told him. He climbed up underneath the covers and started eating her out. She was moaning,and groaning and twitching all around, grabbing his hair. Finally about 10 minutes later she had an orgasm. Satisfied he got up and went to the bathroom, and there was his wife sitting on the toilet. He yelled "HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE SO FAST?" And his wife replied "shhh, be quiet or you will wake your mother.

 

[SixFive]

That, sir, is one sick joke! LOL!