This Airline is Fly...Check It Out
- Thread starter Felonious Monk
- Start date
LMAO....too freaken funny if ya axe me 
now something to make ya all afraid to fly, but can't resist, and yeah.........this kind of talk is for real
hear. The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline
pilots and control towers from around the world:
While taxiing the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale
made
a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate female
ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air
2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie
taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's
difficult for you to tell the difference between C's and D's, but get it
right!" Continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now
shouting hysterically: "God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take
forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I
tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half
an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you,
and how I tell you! You got that,
US Air 2771?" "Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally the
ground control frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing
of US Air
2771. Nobody wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current
state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was running high. Then an unknown
pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I married to you once?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The controller working a
busy
pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty-do a complete
circle,
a move normally used to provide spacing between aircraft. The pilot of
the 727 complained, "Don't you know it costs us two thousand dollars to
make even a one-eighty in this airplane?" Without missing a beat the
controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars' worth."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A DC-10 had an
exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little
high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the
runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101
and make a right at the
light to return to the airport."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was a really nice day,
right about dusk, and a Piper Malibu was being vectored into a long line
of airliners in order to land at Kansas City. KC Approach: "Malibu
three-two Charlie, you're following a 727, one o'clock and three miles."
Three-two Charlie: "We've got him. We'll follow him." KC Approach:
"Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, eleven o'clock and three
miles. Do you have that traffic?" Delta 105 (in a thick southern drawl,
after a long pause): "Well...I've got something down there. Can't quite
tell if it's a Malibu or
a Chevelle."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Tower: "Eastern 702,
cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7." Eastern 702: "Tower,
Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we
saw some kind of
dead animal on the far end of the runway." Tower: "Continental 635,
cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on124.7. Did you copy that report
from Eastern?" Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff,
roger; and
yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The German air
controllers
at
Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to
know
one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance
from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened
to
the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British
Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206": Speedbird 206: "Top of the
morning, Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway." Ground:
"Guten Morgen.
You vill taxi to your gate." The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the
main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know
where
you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment, Ground, I'm looking
up our gate location now." Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird
206, haff you never flown to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly):
Yes, I have, actually, in 1944. In another type of Boeing, but just to
drop something off. I didn't stop."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Pan Am 727 flight
engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in
German): Ground, what is our start clearance time?" Ground (in English):
"If
you want an answer you must speak English." Lufthansa (in English): "I
am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak
English?" Unknown voice (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you
lost the bloody war!"
now something to make ya all afraid to fly, but can't resist, and yeah.........this kind of talk is for real
hear. The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline
pilots and control towers from around the world:
While taxiing the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale
made
a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate female
ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air
2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie
taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's
difficult for you to tell the difference between C's and D's, but get it
right!" Continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now
shouting hysterically: "God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take
forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I
tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half
an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you,
and how I tell you! You got that,
US Air 2771?" "Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally the
ground control frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing
of US Air
2771. Nobody wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current
state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was running high. Then an unknown
pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I married to you once?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The controller working a
busy
pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty-do a complete
circle,
a move normally used to provide spacing between aircraft. The pilot of
the 727 complained, "Don't you know it costs us two thousand dollars to
make even a one-eighty in this airplane?" Without missing a beat the
controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars' worth."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A DC-10 had an
exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little
high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the
runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101
and make a right at the
light to return to the airport."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was a really nice day,
right about dusk, and a Piper Malibu was being vectored into a long line
of airliners in order to land at Kansas City. KC Approach: "Malibu
three-two Charlie, you're following a 727, one o'clock and three miles."
Three-two Charlie: "We've got him. We'll follow him." KC Approach:
"Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, eleven o'clock and three
miles. Do you have that traffic?" Delta 105 (in a thick southern drawl,
after a long pause): "Well...I've got something down there. Can't quite
tell if it's a Malibu or
a Chevelle."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Tower: "Eastern 702,
cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7." Eastern 702: "Tower,
Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we
saw some kind of
dead animal on the far end of the runway." Tower: "Continental 635,
cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on124.7. Did you copy that report
from Eastern?" Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff,
roger; and
yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The German air
controllers
at
Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to
know
one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance
from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened
to
the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British
Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206": Speedbird 206: "Top of the
morning, Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway." Ground:
"Guten Morgen.
You vill taxi to your gate." The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the
main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know
where
you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment, Ground, I'm looking
up our gate location now." Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird
206, haff you never flown to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly):
Yes, I have, actually, in 1944. In another type of Boeing, but just to
drop something off. I didn't stop."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Pan Am 727 flight
engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in
German): Ground, what is our start clearance time?" Ground (in English):
"If
you want an answer you must speak English." Lufthansa (in English): "I
am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak
English?" Unknown voice (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you
lost the bloody war!"
