U of Alabama problems
- Thread starter wareagle
- Start date
We still have the bragging rights over you War Chickens.. Gotta wait until November to get them back...
:moon:
:moon:
For all You Aubs
For all You Aubs
THIS IS AWBUN FOOTBALL!!!!!!!
It is saying, "Wheee!" whenever Bobby Lowder shakes his snow globe.
It is not Bear Bryant.
It is the smell of fresh cow manure wafting through Jordan-Hare stadium.
It is the Poulon Weed-Eater Bowl.
It is owing your ex-coaches hundreds of thousands of dollars.
It is paranoid inferiority complexes.
It is hearing alumni from other SEC schools refer to you as "the rubes."
It is watching Bama blow your team out the day after your quarterback wins the Heisman.
It is winning your only national championship during a probation year.
It is Buster Brown calling his daddy at half time.
It is buying your way out of big games.
It is hearing Jim Fyffe say, "Auburn takes the lead over Appie State!" as if he's calling the national championship game.
It is watching Ben Leard run off the field after a nail-biting win over Appie State yelling, "We're Back!"
It is getting the recruiting rejects from Bama, Georgia, and Florida.
It is seeing your head coach on national TV give a halftime speech, saying, "Men, we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna."
It is Jeff Burger asking Bo Jackson "Why did you run to that side?" & Bo saying "Huh?"
It is telling people from other parts of the country that Bo played for Auburn not Alabama and hearing them ask, "Where's Auburn?"
It is almost running out of toilet paper whenever Auburn lucks up against Bama or Florida.
It's "keeping it down home cuz".
It is reading police reports as much as game programs.
It is hosing down Georgia students after another loss.
It is holding up four fingers at the end of the 4th quarter because Bama does it.
It is having 5 SEC Championships in 107 years.
It is having more NCAA investigations than National Championships.
It's paying an ex player in dire financial straits from your rival school to make up stories about illegal payments against his own school.
It's about being an Alabama wannabe.
It's about having that little brother syndrome - Hey, mommy look at me!
It's all kind of sad.
It's calling Bama UAT because that is the best they can come up with.
It is sharing the name "tigers" with countless pee-wee, division 1 AAA, 1AA, and 1A teams.
It is buying championship rings for an 4th ranked 11-0 team because you know that this the closest you will probably ever be to a national championship.
It is all of a sudden becoming a huge basketball fan because your football team sucks.
It is Awbun Football!!!!!!!!
For all You Aubs
THIS IS AWBUN FOOTBALL!!!!!!!
It is saying, "Wheee!" whenever Bobby Lowder shakes his snow globe.
It is not Bear Bryant.
It is the smell of fresh cow manure wafting through Jordan-Hare stadium.
It is the Poulon Weed-Eater Bowl.
It is owing your ex-coaches hundreds of thousands of dollars.
It is paranoid inferiority complexes.
It is hearing alumni from other SEC schools refer to you as "the rubes."
It is watching Bama blow your team out the day after your quarterback wins the Heisman.
It is winning your only national championship during a probation year.
It is Buster Brown calling his daddy at half time.
It is buying your way out of big games.
It is hearing Jim Fyffe say, "Auburn takes the lead over Appie State!" as if he's calling the national championship game.
It is watching Ben Leard run off the field after a nail-biting win over Appie State yelling, "We're Back!"
It is getting the recruiting rejects from Bama, Georgia, and Florida.
It is seeing your head coach on national TV give a halftime speech, saying, "Men, we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna."
It is Jeff Burger asking Bo Jackson "Why did you run to that side?" & Bo saying "Huh?"
It is telling people from other parts of the country that Bo played for Auburn not Alabama and hearing them ask, "Where's Auburn?"
It is almost running out of toilet paper whenever Auburn lucks up against Bama or Florida.
It's "keeping it down home cuz".
It is reading police reports as much as game programs.
It is hosing down Georgia students after another loss.
It is holding up four fingers at the end of the 4th quarter because Bama does it.
It is having 5 SEC Championships in 107 years.
It is having more NCAA investigations than National Championships.
It's paying an ex player in dire financial straits from your rival school to make up stories about illegal payments against his own school.
It's about being an Alabama wannabe.
It's about having that little brother syndrome - Hey, mommy look at me!
It's all kind of sad.
It's calling Bama UAT because that is the best they can come up with.
It is sharing the name "tigers" with countless pee-wee, division 1 AAA, 1AA, and 1A teams.
It is buying championship rings for an 4th ranked 11-0 team because you know that this the closest you will probably ever be to a national championship.
It is all of a sudden becoming a huge basketball fan because your football team sucks.
It is Awbun Football!!!!!!!!
It is hearing Jim Fyffe say, "Auburn takes the lead over Appie State!" as if he's calling the national championship game.
LMFAO !!!!!
LMFAO !!!!!
It's Alabammer Football:
Because most fans can't spell Tuscaloosa, let alone ever have been there!
Because The Bear........well enough said by yall on that subject last year alone!
Getting Rid of the old Coach everytime you lose a game!
It's Being "almost" as Rude as Tennessee Fans
It's Losing your players to Auburn, Georgia and Florida.
It's No Bowls!!!! ( Careful boys we can still go! )
It's Paying off Mike's Secretary!
It's Probation!
It's Albert Means! Was he really worth it?
It's Walter Lewis
It's Hearing Eli Gold Talk with his mouth full of Frito Lays!
It's Ken Stabler, Give me some pills and Whiskey and I'll go down on the field!
It's Getting Shut out at Home last year! Pitiful!
It's Being the brunt of all my Jokes!
It's Allright to be witch ever side you are as long as you can take what you dish out! HAHAHAHAH Like those BM Originals? I didn't have to copy and paste mine fella's!
WAR EAGLE!!!!!!
Where's Auburn? What A joke, Everyone knows Auburn is the Football capital of Alabama! Jeeeez.
Because most fans can't spell Tuscaloosa, let alone ever have been there!
Because The Bear........well enough said by yall on that subject last year alone!
Getting Rid of the old Coach everytime you lose a game!
It's Being "almost" as Rude as Tennessee Fans
It's Losing your players to Auburn, Georgia and Florida.
It's No Bowls!!!! ( Careful boys we can still go! )
It's Paying off Mike's Secretary!
It's Probation!
It's Albert Means! Was he really worth it?
It's Walter Lewis
It's Hearing Eli Gold Talk with his mouth full of Frito Lays!
It's Ken Stabler, Give me some pills and Whiskey and I'll go down on the field!
It's Getting Shut out at Home last year! Pitiful!
It's Being the brunt of all my Jokes!
It's Allright to be witch ever side you are as long as you can take what you dish out! HAHAHAHAH Like those BM Originals? I didn't have to copy and paste mine fella's!
WAR EAGLE!!!!!!
Where's Auburn? What A joke, Everyone knows Auburn is the Football capital of Alabama! Jeeeez.
You're going straight to Hell for that picture of the Bear... LOL.. I love it.. Can't wait for football.. even if we are on probation...
Q. How do you keep Freddie Kitchens from hitting you with a football?
A. Wear a Bama jersey!
Q. How did the Alabama student die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q. Why do Alabama students have TGIF on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In First!
Q. Did you hear about the Alabama quarterback who tried to throw himself on the floor in a fit of rage?
A. He missed!
Mom: Only 2 more minutes until 1998.
Dad: I'm going to bed.
Son: But Dad, you're going to miss the ball drop....
Dad: Hey Son, I've seen it plenty of times..I'm an Alabama fan you know!!
Q. What is the one thing that keeps so many Alabama football players from graduating?
A. CLASSWORK!
Q. Did you hear about the Alabama fan who froze to death?
A. He went to the drive in...He sat through "Closed for the season"!!
Two Alabama fans have been walking in the woods for eight hours when they stop and one turns to the other and says, "I'm cutting the next Christmas tree we find, lights or no lights."
Q. What's the difference between a University of Alabama sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
A. Wear a Bama jersey!
Q. How did the Alabama student die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q. Why do Alabama students have TGIF on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In First!
Q. Did you hear about the Alabama quarterback who tried to throw himself on the floor in a fit of rage?
A. He missed!
Mom: Only 2 more minutes until 1998.
Dad: I'm going to bed.
Son: But Dad, you're going to miss the ball drop....
Dad: Hey Son, I've seen it plenty of times..I'm an Alabama fan you know!!
Q. What is the one thing that keeps so many Alabama football players from graduating?
A. CLASSWORK!
Q. Did you hear about the Alabama fan who froze to death?
A. He went to the drive in...He sat through "Closed for the season"!!
Two Alabama fans have been walking in the woods for eight hours when they stop and one turns to the other and says, "I'm cutting the next Christmas tree we find, lights or no lights."
Q. What's the difference between a University of Alabama sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
How does an Alabama Graduate find a Goat in a Field of Tall grass?
Very Pleasing!
I used Graduate instead of fan because if you are not alumni or a student you really don't have room to throw a whole lot of Mud
If so you would just be a disgruntled fan, and that ain't no good!
Very Pleasing!
I used Graduate instead of fan because if you are not alumni or a student you really don't have room to throw a whole lot of Mud
If so you would just be a disgruntled fan, and that ain't no good!
Wareagle........these are hilarious.How did you do it.?The ones with the recruits is a classic.All of them are classics.Hey Duncan...I hope you saw these.Will discuss them Saturday.Me and you are paired together with Rod and Jr.I think me and Rod are gonna play you and Jr.First tournament of the year.Bring your A game.See you bright and early Sat morning at the course.
Central Florida 2 year ago but......
Central Florida 2 year ago but......
this was November 2002:
Remeber this Wareagle and Bluemond????//
Central Florida 2 year ago but......
this was November 2002:
Remeber this Wareagle and Bluemond????//
You're probably an Awbun fan if...
- The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!" "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin?"
- You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
- Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
- You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
- You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
- You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
- Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels and skirt.
- Your girlfriend uses Raid for deoderant.
- You have a girlfriend that doesn't like mud-wrestlin' 'cause of havin' to take a bath afterwards.
- You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
- You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
- Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
- You go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.
- You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
- Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
- Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
- Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
- The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
- Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
- Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
- You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
- You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
- Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
- You took your coon dogs on your honeymoon.
- You drive across town to see a car wreck.
- Your Mama saves aluminum foil.
- You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
- Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
- You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
- You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occassions.
- You have to scratch your sisters name out of the message: "For a good time call . .", because you feel guilty about putting it there...
- Your family has a sit-down dinner at a vending machine.
- It's impossible to see food stains on the fabric of your work uniform.
- The fountain at your wedding spewed beer instead of champagne.
- Redman sends you a Christmas card.
- Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
- You've ever barbecued spam on the grill.
- You time your belches to achieve a personal best.
- Your new job promotion means the company foots the bill to have your name sewn on your shirts.
- Your favorite restaurant has the word "eats" anywhere in the name.
- Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
- You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
- You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
- You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
- You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
- After making love you ask your date to roll down the window.
- The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
- You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
- Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."
- Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
- You mow your lawn and find a car.
- If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes (if you have them) a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
- You go christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
- You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
- You think a dry town is one where the fish can't swim.
- Your art museum is a painted turtle.
- A storm does $1 million of improvements to your house.
- You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
- You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
- You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".
- You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
- You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
- There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
- You've ever made change in the offering plate.
- If the fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year,"
- You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve...
- You own at least 20 baseball hats.
- You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.
- You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
- When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank!
- Your biggest ambition in live is to "git thet big'ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah bubba's barn..."
- Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.
- When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobbaco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
- You have 5 cars that are immobile and house that is!
- Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end"
- "Honey? Are the lights out? Is the door locked? Is the parking brake set?" is what you hear right before you and your wife/girl make love
- Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
- You have a Hefty bag for a Car/Truck convertable top.
- Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
- You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
- You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
- You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
- You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
- You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
- You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
- Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
- There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
- The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low Places'
- It's Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
- You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
- You idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
- The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
- Yer mom calls ya over t'help, cause she has a flat tire...on her house
- Ya have to check in the bottom yer shoe for change so ya can get grandma a new plug of tobacco
- Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle
- Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
- Ya celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!!)
- You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado
- Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
- You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
- Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
- "Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.
- Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
- You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
- You're moved to tears everytime you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You".
- Dolly Parton reminds you of the `Grand Tetons'. (of course this is a very sophisticated sophisticated redneck joke... if you laughed...you must be a redneck, only they will get this one.)
- You grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.
- Your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center. (Clinton true-life story)
- The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (your insurance man is one too if he pays you for it).
- You actually made a pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight with Alan Jackson.
- You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
- You've ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose!
- You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
- Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
- You've ever parked a Camero in a tree.
- Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
- You fantasize about tractors and farm animals - maybe not in that order. - You do a good impression of a dog chokin' on a chikin bone. - The Rotor-Rooter man drives by your trailer and says "What's that smell?" - You've ever been asked for your autograph at a 'possum hunt. - You attend a parent-teacher conference wearing flip-flops and a tank top. - Pictures of your family reunion win 1st Prize on America's Funniest Home Videos. - Your baby's crib mobile is made out of beer cans. - You've used that 'Hair in a Can" spray for your cow's bald spot. - While serving in Viet Nam you had flash-backs about awbum. - Your wife ruined her panty hose rubbin' up against the dried boogers on the front seat of your truck.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Awbun Computer Technology:
Log on -- Making the wood stove hotter
Log off -- Don't add more wood.
Download -- Gettin the farwood ofn the truck.
Floppy disk -- Whut you get from carrying too much farwood.
Ram -- That thang whut splits the farwood.
Hard Drive -- Gettin' home in the wintertime.
Prompt -- What the mail ain't in the wintertime.
Windows -- What to shut when it's cold outside.
Chip -- vittles to eat when yu're sitting in front of the tv.
Microchip -- Whut's left in the munchie bag.
Modem -- Whacha done to the hayfield.
Dot Matrix -- Ol' Dan Matirx's wife.
Lap top -- Whar the kittycat sleeps.
Software -- Them dang plastic forks and spoons.
Mouse -- Whut you put out D-Con for. Also fun to pick off with a .22.
Main Frame -- Whut holds the barn roof up.
Random Access Memory -- When you cain't member what you paid fer yer new rifle when yer wife asks you.
- The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!" "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin?"
- You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
- Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
- You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
- You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
- You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
- Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels and skirt.
- Your girlfriend uses Raid for deoderant.
- You have a girlfriend that doesn't like mud-wrestlin' 'cause of havin' to take a bath afterwards.
- You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
- You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
- Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
- You go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.
- You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
- Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
- Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
- Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
- The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
- Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
- Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
- You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
- You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
- Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
- You took your coon dogs on your honeymoon.
- You drive across town to see a car wreck.
- Your Mama saves aluminum foil.
- You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
- Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
- You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
- You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occassions.
- You have to scratch your sisters name out of the message: "For a good time call . .", because you feel guilty about putting it there...
- Your family has a sit-down dinner at a vending machine.
- It's impossible to see food stains on the fabric of your work uniform.
- The fountain at your wedding spewed beer instead of champagne.
- Redman sends you a Christmas card.
- Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
- You've ever barbecued spam on the grill.
- You time your belches to achieve a personal best.
- Your new job promotion means the company foots the bill to have your name sewn on your shirts.
- Your favorite restaurant has the word "eats" anywhere in the name.
- Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
- You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
- You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
- You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
- You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
- After making love you ask your date to roll down the window.
- The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
- You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
- Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."
- Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
- You mow your lawn and find a car.
- If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes (if you have them) a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
- You go christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
- You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
- You think a dry town is one where the fish can't swim.
- Your art museum is a painted turtle.
- A storm does $1 million of improvements to your house.
- You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
- You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
- You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".
- You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
- You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
- There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
- You've ever made change in the offering plate.
- If the fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year,"
- You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve...
- You own at least 20 baseball hats.
- You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.
- You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
- When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank!
- Your biggest ambition in live is to "git thet big'ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah bubba's barn..."
- Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.
- When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobbaco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
- You have 5 cars that are immobile and house that is!
- Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end"
- "Honey? Are the lights out? Is the door locked? Is the parking brake set?" is what you hear right before you and your wife/girl make love
- Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
- You have a Hefty bag for a Car/Truck convertable top.
- Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
- You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
- You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
- You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
- You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
- You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
- You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
- Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
- There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
- The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low Places'
- It's Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
- You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
- You idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
- The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
- Yer mom calls ya over t'help, cause she has a flat tire...on her house
- Ya have to check in the bottom yer shoe for change so ya can get grandma a new plug of tobacco
- Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle
- Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
- Ya celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!!)
- You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado
- Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
- You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
- Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
- "Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.
- Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
- You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
- You're moved to tears everytime you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You".
- Dolly Parton reminds you of the `Grand Tetons'. (of course this is a very sophisticated sophisticated redneck joke... if you laughed...you must be a redneck, only they will get this one.)
- You grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.
- Your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center. (Clinton true-life story)
- The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (your insurance man is one too if he pays you for it).
- You actually made a pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight with Alan Jackson.
- You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
- You've ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose!
- You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
- Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
- You've ever parked a Camero in a tree.
- Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
- You fantasize about tractors and farm animals - maybe not in that order. - You do a good impression of a dog chokin' on a chikin bone. - The Rotor-Rooter man drives by your trailer and says "What's that smell?" - You've ever been asked for your autograph at a 'possum hunt. - You attend a parent-teacher conference wearing flip-flops and a tank top. - Pictures of your family reunion win 1st Prize on America's Funniest Home Videos. - Your baby's crib mobile is made out of beer cans. - You've used that 'Hair in a Can" spray for your cow's bald spot. - While serving in Viet Nam you had flash-backs about awbum. - Your wife ruined her panty hose rubbin' up against the dried boogers on the front seat of your truck.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Awbun Computer Technology:
Log on -- Making the wood stove hotter
Log off -- Don't add more wood.
Download -- Gettin the farwood ofn the truck.
Floppy disk -- Whut you get from carrying too much farwood.
Ram -- That thang whut splits the farwood.
Hard Drive -- Gettin' home in the wintertime.
Prompt -- What the mail ain't in the wintertime.
Windows -- What to shut when it's cold outside.
Chip -- vittles to eat when yu're sitting in front of the tv.
Microchip -- Whut's left in the munchie bag.
Modem -- Whacha done to the hayfield.
Dot Matrix -- Ol' Dan Matirx's wife.
Lap top -- Whar the kittycat sleeps.
Software -- Them dang plastic forks and spoons.
Mouse -- Whut you put out D-Con for. Also fun to pick off with a .22.
Main Frame -- Whut holds the barn roof up.
Random Access Memory -- When you cain't member what you paid fer yer new rifle when yer wife asks you.
