I own it, it's my fault, I know better than to shop at Costco on a Saturday but I went yesterday anyway as it can't possibly be as bad as I remember. I wasn't, it was worse.
It starts off the minute you try to enter the parking lot. People, it really isn't that hard, they paint those lines for a reason and it's not so you can drive directly across all of them to find the most direct route to the exit. If you want to see the definition of a clusterfuck then just sit in a Costco parking lot for 30 seconds on a Saturday.
Then you TRY to actually enter the store, holy shit is this an experience. ALWAYS USE THE DOOR TO YOUR RIGHT ASSHOLES. People pushing their flat bed of 40 pound bags of potato chips, 30 pack of deodorant and 11,000 pack of water out the wrong door cause a tie up right in the entryway that is easily avoidable. Then, despite having shopped at Costco for years you get the guy who "forgets" he has to show his card so the line to get in piles up while this cockswallower finds his damn membership card all the while being offended he has to dig it out.
Then, the person checking cards at the door hands everyone a flyer of the latest sale items which leads the absolute bottom dwellers of society to have to stop IN THE FUCK DOORWAY, giant cart in tow and read over the flyer. What the fuck people? When did stopping in doorways become acceptable? I'll tell you, fucking never. I hope a pallet of 600 pound bags of dog food falls on your head, fuckwad.
Finally, in the store to get what I need and get the fuck out of there. Better hope that the aisle you want to go down doesn't have one of those sample stations at the end of it or, once again, your fucked. People gather around 15 deep to get their free sample of used Depends because it's like some freakazoid scavenger hunt for these morons. Seriously, keep your bacteria covered, sneezed on by the server sample of imitation crab paste to yourself.
OK, got what I need, now, the fucking checkout.........fuck my life all over again. I know labor budgets aren't what they need to be and help is hard to find, but OPEN UP A FEW LANES for the love of all that is good and holy. You wait in that line only to get towards the front and some dipshit wants to argue that his membership isn't really expired and it's good till next month and he shouldn't have to pay the re up fee yet. Great, I hope this guy gets a papercut in his eye. Fuck that guy. Pay the membership fee or get the fuck out of the damn line.
Finally, this nightmare is over. I've checked out and I'm on my way as far away from this bullshit as I can get, right? Fucking nope. I gotta wait 20 people deep at the door to get my receipt checked by the blue hair at the door. You know, the receipt I just got 15 fucking second ago. Keeping in mind there isn't shit I can shop for on my way out the door from the checkout, but I guess there is a big risk of people stealing the fake air conditioner or cardboard cutout of the cruise ship. WTF?
Pro tip for the people checking the receipts at the door, please don't strike up a conversation with people, your job is to keep the fucking line moving and get me out of there before my newly acquired aneurysm burst right here on the spot.
OK, outside, and while I know I gotta still deal with the parking lot assholes to actually get off the property I see a guy pushing his cart to his car with exactly once box of gummy bears and a multipack of yogurt and have to wonder how much that guy hates himself to put him through the experience of Costco on a Saturday for those couple items?
Costco and Costco shoppers, get your shit together.
It starts off the minute you try to enter the parking lot. People, it really isn't that hard, they paint those lines for a reason and it's not so you can drive directly across all of them to find the most direct route to the exit. If you want to see the definition of a clusterfuck then just sit in a Costco parking lot for 30 seconds on a Saturday.
Then you TRY to actually enter the store, holy shit is this an experience. ALWAYS USE THE DOOR TO YOUR RIGHT ASSHOLES. People pushing their flat bed of 40 pound bags of potato chips, 30 pack of deodorant and 11,000 pack of water out the wrong door cause a tie up right in the entryway that is easily avoidable. Then, despite having shopped at Costco for years you get the guy who "forgets" he has to show his card so the line to get in piles up while this cockswallower finds his damn membership card all the while being offended he has to dig it out.
Then, the person checking cards at the door hands everyone a flyer of the latest sale items which leads the absolute bottom dwellers of society to have to stop IN THE FUCK DOORWAY, giant cart in tow and read over the flyer. What the fuck people? When did stopping in doorways become acceptable? I'll tell you, fucking never. I hope a pallet of 600 pound bags of dog food falls on your head, fuckwad.
Finally, in the store to get what I need and get the fuck out of there. Better hope that the aisle you want to go down doesn't have one of those sample stations at the end of it or, once again, your fucked. People gather around 15 deep to get their free sample of used Depends because it's like some freakazoid scavenger hunt for these morons. Seriously, keep your bacteria covered, sneezed on by the server sample of imitation crab paste to yourself.
OK, got what I need, now, the fucking checkout.........fuck my life all over again. I know labor budgets aren't what they need to be and help is hard to find, but OPEN UP A FEW LANES for the love of all that is good and holy. You wait in that line only to get towards the front and some dipshit wants to argue that his membership isn't really expired and it's good till next month and he shouldn't have to pay the re up fee yet. Great, I hope this guy gets a papercut in his eye. Fuck that guy. Pay the membership fee or get the fuck out of the damn line.
Finally, this nightmare is over. I've checked out and I'm on my way as far away from this bullshit as I can get, right? Fucking nope. I gotta wait 20 people deep at the door to get my receipt checked by the blue hair at the door. You know, the receipt I just got 15 fucking second ago. Keeping in mind there isn't shit I can shop for on my way out the door from the checkout, but I guess there is a big risk of people stealing the fake air conditioner or cardboard cutout of the cruise ship. WTF?
Pro tip for the people checking the receipts at the door, please don't strike up a conversation with people, your job is to keep the fucking line moving and get me out of there before my newly acquired aneurysm burst right here on the spot.
OK, outside, and while I know I gotta still deal with the parking lot assholes to actually get off the property I see a guy pushing his cart to his car with exactly once box of gummy bears and a multipack of yogurt and have to wonder how much that guy hates himself to put him through the experience of Costco on a Saturday for those couple items?
Costco and Costco shoppers, get your shit together.
