If you think Rob Reiner had to stretch to play the liberal in "All in the Family"
If you think the answer to ANY crime, infraction, or injustice is counseling.
If you've spent no less than 30 years in the walls of academia and don't see how today could be too much different from the '60s.
If you think the criminal has more rights than the police who arrest this criminal, unless the crime is sexual harassment, or racism.
If you use the term 'open-minded' and don't care that it can't be defined in absolute terms.
If you think only white people can be racist.
If Clarence Thomas made you sick, Bob Packwood made you protest, but Bill Clinton is a victim of partisan politics.
If you think that teenager's sexual behavior is uncontrollable, but hardened violent criminals should be released on parole after serving a cut sentence in a "correctional institution".
If you think Maxine Waters and Sheila Jackson Lee are articulate geniuses but Justice Clarence Thomas, Dr. Alan Keyes and Dr. Walter Williams are dolts.
If you think Rush Limbaugh and Michael Reagan are mean spirited racists and promote hate crime but Maxine Waters, John Conyers and Louis Farakahn aren't and don't.
If you think that the Constitution is a living document and should be changed but the writings of Karl Marx are "written in stone".
If you think burning the United States flag should be Constitutionally protected but burning a cross should be outlawed.
If you think that tax cuts hurt poor people and are uncompassionate but taking 30% from their paychecks is compassionate
If your idea of hell is having to mind your own business and not meddle in other people's lives.
If you believe that posting the "Ten Commandments" in schools will hurt the children, but putting "Heather Has Two Mommies" or "Ask Alice" (on the internet) won't.
If you think that the American Dream could have only been accomplished in the '60s.
if you think that conservatives have no sense of humor then shudder at the idea of a Clinton joke.
If you actually do believe that Clinton doesn't know the definition of the words "alone", "is", or "correct".
If you believe that Columbus is a mean-spirit bringer of genocide, and never should have explored to the new world, which meant that no one would have religious or taxation freedom whatsoever.
If you think that the only way the tragedy in Littleton, CO could have been avoided was to restrict the access of the guns, two of which were bought on the black market.
If you actually think the multicultural movement of the '90s works better than organized religion.
If you don't want the Christian Right imposing their morality on you, but you want to impose big government on everyone else because they won't do the right thing.
You're a liberal if you can't see the irony in your own beliefs.
If you believe Peter Jennings is a very educated and intelligent man.
If you can actually believe everyone around Bill Clinton is lying, but Bill Clinton himself is telling the truth.
If you point to God's forgiveness of King David in reference to Bill Clinton but "forget" to read the rest of the scripture about the ruin that he inflicted on his family, his kingdom and himself.
If you think that the only acceptable hate crime is Christian bashing.
If you want to make the rich "pay their fair share" but leave Ted (more people have been killed in my car than in an American nuclear power plant) Kennedy and Dick Gebhardt out of the definition of the rich.
If your idea of compassion is giving a homeless person a shopping cart but expecting them to accept the responsibilities of life is mean spirited, racist, bigoted, etc. ad nauseum.
If you think Princess Diana was compassionate for hugging poor children and children with AIDS (while "forgetting" about her getting in her limo and driving away) but Mother Teresa makes you uncomfortable.
If you think that "dumbing down" America's school kids is compassionate but holding them to high educational standards is "mean spirited", racist, bigoted, etc. ad nauseum.
If you think that Teddy Kennedy, Jesse Jackson and the KKK don't have anything in common (at least the KKK is honest about their goals).
If you think that people need to be punished for good choices and rewarded for bad ones.
You're a liberal if you think what Hitler did to the Jews is horrible but the "Christian Right" is dangerous and needs to be done away with.
If you don't see the parallel between yourself, Adolph Hitler, Josef Stalin and Chairman Mao.
If you believe that the "700 Club" are a group of fakes or actors but the people on "The Jerry Springer" show are real people.
If you actually refer to the Reagan and Bush Presidencies as one Presidency.
If you think that affirmative action is the only way to solve racial problems in America.
If you think the best way to care about a disease is to wear a ribbon.
If you think that pouring blood on a $1,500 fur coat is a sure-fire way to get your message across, but if anyone protests outside an abortion clinic, they're extremists!
If Sean Hannity makes no sense and Alan Colmes makes perfect sense.
If you voted for Mondale in 1984 thinking that raising your taxes was a good idea.
If you refer to listening to Jesse Jackson or Sam Donaldson as "equal time".
If you make snide remarks to guys for looking at women but champion Clinton's right to do whatever he wants with his interns.
If you think the impeachment vote was 'just about sex'.
If you think all the attacks against Republicans are justified, but got outraged about the Willie Horton incident.
If you actually think Clinton 'only inhaled'.
If the last 'good old president' you remember was Carter.
If you condemn Dan Quayle for misspelling potato and then ignore the witticisms of Al Gore (who are these people?)
If you think Alec Baldwin was justified in his protest on the Jay Leno show.
If you actually think there IS a way that the Republicans can poison the water supply to certain people, and destroy the ozone layer.
If you believe any of the conspiracies such as that the AIDS virus was started by the government or that certain products cause sterility in black males, but think "The X-files" is too far fetched.
If you think that Watergate and Iran-Contra was a travesty of justice, but anything against Clinton is partisan!
If you believe VH-1 when they tell you that warning labels were put on by "Conservatives led by Tipper Gore".
If you believe Clinton's 'change of heart' after the sudden switch in the 1994 election.
If you use the words "Right Wing Extremist" or "NeoCon" at least four times in any given day.
If you think that bombing on Iraq couldn't have possibly had anything to do with the impeachment vote... then why did they stop as soon as the vote was done?
If you think that the four cops who beat Rodney King should have been thrown in jail forever, but the four thugs who beat Reginald Denny should have fair justice.
You complain that your community has too many white people and the Catholic church you go to doesn't have enough ethnicity, but you're the first one with a for sale sign in your yard when blacks start moving in.
You called Vietnam Veterans "baby killers" but think that allowing a woman to suck her baby into a sink is a constitutionally protected right.
You think that Joe Camel and big tobacco are out to kill your babies, but allowing a babies brain to be sucked out of its skull when it's 1/3 of the way out of the birth canal is paramount to a free society.
You scream if a CEO sleeps with an employee but think that Clinton receiveing oral sex from an Intern is just fine.
You believe that Clinton was forced to lie under oath by the "Vast Right Wing Conspiracy"
You think that Ken Starr is the devil's helper for calling Monica's mother to testify but believe that Ollie North's wife and minister being called before the grand Jury was fair.
You believe Clinton's numbers about the number of jobs created and don't credit it to the businesses given opportunities in the 1980s.
You know no recorded economic history (e.g. the massive stagflation and recession) before the Reagan Era.
You think sexual harassment is rampant, date rape pervasive, domestic violence common and Paula Jones is lying.
You get mad when rape victims' sexual history is plastered all over the news media, but think Paula Jones' sexual history "must be made public."
You hate Hillary jokes.
You hate Monica jokes.
You pale at the execution of child killers, but defend the killing of unborn children as an expression of choice.
You fully support women who have "exercised their right to choose" when they abort in the 3rd trimester, but think Amy Grossberg should get the death penalty before the trial even goes to court.
You think trees have feelings, animals can conceptualize and the fetus is a blob of protoplasm.
If you think the answer to ANY crime, infraction, or injustice is counseling.
If you've spent no less than 30 years in the walls of academia and don't see how today could be too much different from the '60s.
If you think the criminal has more rights than the police who arrest this criminal, unless the crime is sexual harassment, or racism.
If you use the term 'open-minded' and don't care that it can't be defined in absolute terms.
If you think only white people can be racist.
If Clarence Thomas made you sick, Bob Packwood made you protest, but Bill Clinton is a victim of partisan politics.
If you think that teenager's sexual behavior is uncontrollable, but hardened violent criminals should be released on parole after serving a cut sentence in a "correctional institution".
If you think Maxine Waters and Sheila Jackson Lee are articulate geniuses but Justice Clarence Thomas, Dr. Alan Keyes and Dr. Walter Williams are dolts.
If you think Rush Limbaugh and Michael Reagan are mean spirited racists and promote hate crime but Maxine Waters, John Conyers and Louis Farakahn aren't and don't.
If you think that the Constitution is a living document and should be changed but the writings of Karl Marx are "written in stone".
If you think burning the United States flag should be Constitutionally protected but burning a cross should be outlawed.
If you think that tax cuts hurt poor people and are uncompassionate but taking 30% from their paychecks is compassionate
If your idea of hell is having to mind your own business and not meddle in other people's lives.
If you believe that posting the "Ten Commandments" in schools will hurt the children, but putting "Heather Has Two Mommies" or "Ask Alice" (on the internet) won't.
If you think that the American Dream could have only been accomplished in the '60s.
if you think that conservatives have no sense of humor then shudder at the idea of a Clinton joke.
If you actually do believe that Clinton doesn't know the definition of the words "alone", "is", or "correct".
If you believe that Columbus is a mean-spirit bringer of genocide, and never should have explored to the new world, which meant that no one would have religious or taxation freedom whatsoever.
If you think that the only way the tragedy in Littleton, CO could have been avoided was to restrict the access of the guns, two of which were bought on the black market.
If you actually think the multicultural movement of the '90s works better than organized religion.
If you don't want the Christian Right imposing their morality on you, but you want to impose big government on everyone else because they won't do the right thing.
You're a liberal if you can't see the irony in your own beliefs.
If you believe Peter Jennings is a very educated and intelligent man.
If you can actually believe everyone around Bill Clinton is lying, but Bill Clinton himself is telling the truth.
If you point to God's forgiveness of King David in reference to Bill Clinton but "forget" to read the rest of the scripture about the ruin that he inflicted on his family, his kingdom and himself.
If you think that the only acceptable hate crime is Christian bashing.
If you want to make the rich "pay their fair share" but leave Ted (more people have been killed in my car than in an American nuclear power plant) Kennedy and Dick Gebhardt out of the definition of the rich.
If your idea of compassion is giving a homeless person a shopping cart but expecting them to accept the responsibilities of life is mean spirited, racist, bigoted, etc. ad nauseum.
If you think Princess Diana was compassionate for hugging poor children and children with AIDS (while "forgetting" about her getting in her limo and driving away) but Mother Teresa makes you uncomfortable.
If you think that "dumbing down" America's school kids is compassionate but holding them to high educational standards is "mean spirited", racist, bigoted, etc. ad nauseum.
If you think that Teddy Kennedy, Jesse Jackson and the KKK don't have anything in common (at least the KKK is honest about their goals).
If you think that people need to be punished for good choices and rewarded for bad ones.
You're a liberal if you think what Hitler did to the Jews is horrible but the "Christian Right" is dangerous and needs to be done away with.
If you don't see the parallel between yourself, Adolph Hitler, Josef Stalin and Chairman Mao.
If you believe that the "700 Club" are a group of fakes or actors but the people on "The Jerry Springer" show are real people.
If you actually refer to the Reagan and Bush Presidencies as one Presidency.
If you think that affirmative action is the only way to solve racial problems in America.
If you think the best way to care about a disease is to wear a ribbon.
If you think that pouring blood on a $1,500 fur coat is a sure-fire way to get your message across, but if anyone protests outside an abortion clinic, they're extremists!
If Sean Hannity makes no sense and Alan Colmes makes perfect sense.
If you voted for Mondale in 1984 thinking that raising your taxes was a good idea.
If you refer to listening to Jesse Jackson or Sam Donaldson as "equal time".
If you make snide remarks to guys for looking at women but champion Clinton's right to do whatever he wants with his interns.
If you think the impeachment vote was 'just about sex'.
If you think all the attacks against Republicans are justified, but got outraged about the Willie Horton incident.
If you actually think Clinton 'only inhaled'.
If the last 'good old president' you remember was Carter.
If you condemn Dan Quayle for misspelling potato and then ignore the witticisms of Al Gore (who are these people?)
If you think Alec Baldwin was justified in his protest on the Jay Leno show.
If you actually think there IS a way that the Republicans can poison the water supply to certain people, and destroy the ozone layer.
If you believe any of the conspiracies such as that the AIDS virus was started by the government or that certain products cause sterility in black males, but think "The X-files" is too far fetched.
If you think that Watergate and Iran-Contra was a travesty of justice, but anything against Clinton is partisan!
If you believe VH-1 when they tell you that warning labels were put on by "Conservatives led by Tipper Gore".
If you believe Clinton's 'change of heart' after the sudden switch in the 1994 election.
If you use the words "Right Wing Extremist" or "NeoCon" at least four times in any given day.
If you think that bombing on Iraq couldn't have possibly had anything to do with the impeachment vote... then why did they stop as soon as the vote was done?
If you think that the four cops who beat Rodney King should have been thrown in jail forever, but the four thugs who beat Reginald Denny should have fair justice.
You complain that your community has too many white people and the Catholic church you go to doesn't have enough ethnicity, but you're the first one with a for sale sign in your yard when blacks start moving in.
You called Vietnam Veterans "baby killers" but think that allowing a woman to suck her baby into a sink is a constitutionally protected right.
You think that Joe Camel and big tobacco are out to kill your babies, but allowing a babies brain to be sucked out of its skull when it's 1/3 of the way out of the birth canal is paramount to a free society.
You scream if a CEO sleeps with an employee but think that Clinton receiveing oral sex from an Intern is just fine.
You believe that Clinton was forced to lie under oath by the "Vast Right Wing Conspiracy"
You think that Ken Starr is the devil's helper for calling Monica's mother to testify but believe that Ollie North's wife and minister being called before the grand Jury was fair.
You believe Clinton's numbers about the number of jobs created and don't credit it to the businesses given opportunities in the 1980s.
You know no recorded economic history (e.g. the massive stagflation and recession) before the Reagan Era.
You think sexual harassment is rampant, date rape pervasive, domestic violence common and Paula Jones is lying.
You get mad when rape victims' sexual history is plastered all over the news media, but think Paula Jones' sexual history "must be made public."
You hate Hillary jokes.
You hate Monica jokes.
You pale at the execution of child killers, but defend the killing of unborn children as an expression of choice.
You fully support women who have "exercised their right to choose" when they abort in the 3rd trimester, but think Amy Grossberg should get the death penalty before the trial even goes to court.
You think trees have feelings, animals can conceptualize and the fetus is a blob of protoplasm.
