"You might be a redneck if...
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- Start date
When you have a car on bricks with no tires in your yard.
When you have a working tv set on top of a broken one.
When you have a working tv set on top of a broken one.
You know you've joined a redneck HMO if:
> > > > >
> > > > > The annual breast exam is conducted at Hooter's
> > > > >
> > > > > Directions to the Dr's office include "Take a left
> > > > > when you enter the trailer park"
> > > > >
> > > > > The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles
> > > > >
> > > > > The only proctologist lists his address as Rotorooter
> > > > >
> > > > > The Lone Star Bar and Grill is an approved pharmacy
> > > > >
> > > > > Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you
> > > > > gave to Goodwill last month
> > > > >
> > > > > Preventive Care Coverage includes "an apple a day"
> > > > >
> > > > > Your Prozac comes in colors and has little "m"s on
> > > > > each pill
> > > > >
> > > > > The only 100% covered expense is embalming
> > > > >
> > > > > And the best one:
> > > > >
> > > > > Your Viagra prescription includes a popsicle stick
> > > > > and some duct tape
> > > > >
> > > > > The annual breast exam is conducted at Hooter's
> > > > >
> > > > > Directions to the Dr's office include "Take a left
> > > > > when you enter the trailer park"
> > > > >
> > > > > The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles
> > > > >
> > > > > The only proctologist lists his address as Rotorooter
> > > > >
> > > > > The Lone Star Bar and Grill is an approved pharmacy
> > > > >
> > > > > Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you
> > > > > gave to Goodwill last month
> > > > >
> > > > > Preventive Care Coverage includes "an apple a day"
> > > > >
> > > > > Your Prozac comes in colors and has little "m"s on
> > > > > each pill
> > > > >
> > > > > The only 100% covered expense is embalming
> > > > >
> > > > > And the best one:
> > > > >
> > > > > Your Viagra prescription includes a popsicle stick
> > > > > and some duct tape
HEY HEY, whats all this yankee boy, I'm as fired up as a camanche on crack, %$%$# where's my redman, I'm fixin to go kick the s%#t out of the neighbors dog. Hey Buddy, did you see my im I sent earlier. Gotta go and calm down.
Signed
Beauregard/Stonewall/Redneck/ Buck
Signed
Beauregard/Stonewall/Redneck/ Buck
I LIVE IN ATLANTA AND FOXWORTHY STILL DOES COMEDY HERE AT THE FOX THEATHER SOME TIMES----HE IS A VERY FUNNY GUY----YOU SHOULD COME SEE HIM
Things you'll never hear a redneck say:
-Duct tape won't fix that.
-I've got it all saved on the "C" drive
-Checkmate
-I think I've had enough...I'm driving tonight.
-Duct tape won't fix that.
-I've got it all saved on the "C" drive
-Checkmate
-I think I've had enough...I'm driving tonight.
You may reasonably suspect that you are white trash if:
You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You were shooting pool when any of your children were born.
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos."
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
You clean your fingernails with a stick.
You've ever hit a deer with your car, deliberately.
Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
You keep a can of RAID on your kitchen table.
You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
You ever got too drunk to fish.
You consider the fifth grade your senior year.
Directions to your house include, "Turn off the paved road."
The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
You prefer car keys to Q-Tips.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
The gas pedal in your car is shaped like a bare foot.
You've ever bought a used hat.
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a dog.
You're considered an expert on worm beds.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
Your stove is on the porch and your lawn chairs are in the kitchen.
"Bambi" made you hungry for rabbit.
You learned to drive in a monster truck.
You spit chewing tobacco in the plants.
Your wedding reception included a beer brunch.
You believe books are bad luck.
You believe all-star wrestling should be an Olympic competition.
You believe all-star wrestling.
You recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck.
You think a "thesaurus" was a dinosaur.
You like to brag you learned to fire a shotgun before you could walk.
Rather than drinking the sacramental wine at church you "bring your own."
You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You were shooting pool when any of your children were born.
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos."
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
You clean your fingernails with a stick.
You've ever hit a deer with your car, deliberately.
Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
You keep a can of RAID on your kitchen table.
You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
You ever got too drunk to fish.
You consider the fifth grade your senior year.
Directions to your house include, "Turn off the paved road."
The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
You prefer car keys to Q-Tips.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
The gas pedal in your car is shaped like a bare foot.
You've ever bought a used hat.
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a dog.
You're considered an expert on worm beds.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
Your stove is on the porch and your lawn chairs are in the kitchen.
"Bambi" made you hungry for rabbit.
You learned to drive in a monster truck.
You spit chewing tobacco in the plants.
Your wedding reception included a beer brunch.
You believe books are bad luck.
You believe all-star wrestling should be an Olympic competition.
You believe all-star wrestling.
You recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck.
You think a "thesaurus" was a dinosaur.
You like to brag you learned to fire a shotgun before you could walk.
Rather than drinking the sacramental wine at church you "bring your own."
Q. What does a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
A. Somebody's gonna lose a trailer!
A. Somebody's gonna lose a trailer!
