YOUR BEST JOKES Ever post here

[Scrapman]

Ill start off with one of mines long one.

GUY gets shipwrecked on island way out in pacific ocean just him and his DOG.

he goes out searching for food 1st day.

finds a sheep plus other fruits and veggies.

OK he hasnt had pusssy in weeks so he's horny and tries to fuck the sheep that night
Dog wakes up snarls grabbiing his leg pulling him off ....

Next night tries again same thing Dog gets angry barking and pulling him off.....

goes on for 3 more days .............. guy is going crazy!

Next day he wakes up a huge Boat is 100 yards off shore anchored.

Lady dives in for a swim all of sudden screams for help shes drowning .

HE runs out and saves her brings her to shore.

She is a doll 5'9 long dark hair a perfect 10 gasping she says omg ty ty ty you saved my life how can i repay you besides taking you back to home?

Guy says one lil favor is all i ask right now!

Ya think he wants her pussy right ?

What she says?

hE SAYS COULD YOU PLEASE TAKE MY DOG FOR A LONG WALK ON OTHER SIDE OF ISLAND!

:mj07:

 

[Terryray]

A masochist asks a sadist, "Please hurt me."
"No," replies the sadist.

What happens when a jew with an erection walks into a wall? Breaks his nose.

Pessimist: Oh, this can't get any worse!
Optimist: Yes, it can!

 

[Cricket]

An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels. He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn't prove it. He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin. Time after time the auditor stopped the scrapman, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load. On every occasion there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the scrap yard. On three occasions the auditor made the scrapman remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath. Nothing. He could never find anything amiss. After a few months of this the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned. A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty Scrapman walked in. On an impulse the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, Ive left the company, Im not interested in taking it any further and I wont bust you, but I just have to know. What were you taking?"And the Scrapman said "Tarpaulins."

 

[Sportsaholic]

Dirty Joke:











Two White Horses













Walk into a Mud Puddle............













:0003

 

[william13]

Dirty Joke:











Two White Horses













Walk into a Mud Puddle............















:0003

that was deep ....

 

[Nose]

My dog has no nose







How does he smell?












Aweful

 

[Dead Money]

A corrupt evil (Banker, Politician,Judge, Sports book owner, Law Enforcement Official, pick one) suddenly drops dead.

His spirit appears at the gates of Hell....

He is met by Satan himself....he is shown 2 choices for his eternal
incarceration....

The first choice is a molten, brimstone, nasty smelly room
where the poor souls are suspended in chains being constantly
flogged with whips of fish hooks 24/7.

The second choice, everyone is standing drinking coffee, up to their shoulders in steaming cow shit, listening to elevator music.

He immediately chooses the coffee route...

After 10 minutes, an announcement is made..."your annual 10
minute coffee break is over, BACK ON YOUR KNEES."

 

[MadJack]

A corrupt evil (Banker, Politician,Judge, Sports book owner, Law Enforcement Official, pick one) suddenly drops dead.

His spirit appears at the gates of Hell....

He is met by Satan himself....he is shown 2 choices for his eternal
incarceration....

The first choice is a molten, brimstone, nasty smelly room
where the poor souls are suspended in chains being constantly
flogged with whips of fish hooks 24/7.

The second choice, everyone is standing drinking coffee, up to their shoulders in steaming cow shit, listening to elevator music.

He immediately chooses the coffee route...

After 10 minutes, an announcement is made..."your annual 10
minute coffee break is over, BACK ON YOUR KNEES."

If those are the only 2 options I still take #2. :0003

 

[Nose]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8I3zCQzZx68

 

[BigFatLooza]

Ill start off with one of mines long one.

GUY gets shipwrecked on island way out in pacific ocean just him and his DOG.

he goes out searching for food 1st day.

finds a sheep plus other fruits and veggies.

OK he hasnt had pusssy in weeks so he's horny and tries to fuck the sheep that night
Dog wakes up snarls grabbiing his leg pulling him off ....

Next night tries again same thing Dog gets angry barking and pulling him off.....

goes on for 3 more days .............. guy is going crazy!

Next day he wakes up a huge Boat is 100 yards off shore anchored.

Lady dives in for a swim all of sudden screams for help shes drowning .

HE runs out and saves her brings her to shore.

She is a doll 5'9 long dark hair a perfect 10 gasping she says omg ty ty ty you saved my life how can i repay you besides taking you back to home?

Guy says one lil favor is all i ask right now!

Ya think he wants her pussy right ?

What she says?

hE SAYS COULD YOU PLEASE TAKE MY DOG FOR A LONG WALK ON OTHER SIDE OF ISLAND!

:mj07:

My dog has no nose







How does he smell?












Aweful

Strong username-to-post content ratio

 

[Scrapman]

Two italian men working on house contruction.

BOSS is holding ladder for Lugi who is nailing boards to frame .........


Lugis is tossing away every other nail for some odd reason boos sees theres nothing wrong with them.

So Guido says Hey luigi why you throw every other nail away?

Luigi says they facing wrong way!

Guido says nah you stupido som of a bitch they for the other side of da house!

:lol:

 

[BigFatLooza]

Two italian men working on house contruction.

BOSS is holding ladder for Lugi who is nailing boards to frame .........


Lugis is tossing away every other nail for some odd reason boos sees theres nothing wrong with them.

So Guido says Hey luigi why you throw every other nail away?

Luigi says they facing wrong way!

Guido says nah you stupido som of a bitch they for the other side of da house!

:lol:

 

[Scrapman]

Chinesse Man walks into bar goes up to a JEW guy he knows and cold cocks him off the bar stoll!

MR Goldberg says wtf did you hit me for?

Chinese says that was for sinking the titanic.

Goldberg says that was an ice berg you idiot.

Chinese replies Iceberg Goldberg all the same thing.

:mj07:

 

[Amethyest]

Been there and back

Been there and back

A man wearing a life preserver rushes into a tavern nearly knocking a female patron into a nearby lit candlestick....

Finally reaching his destination ( An empty stool near the end of the bar )....Calmly takes a seat....

The barkeep looking outside and seeing clear blue skies and bright sunshine, horses tied and respectful frantically asks the man, Why the rush?!

Man looks at his watch smiling as he say's....


No rush....Just on time....

 

[Eddie Haskell]

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. "Barkeep give me ten shots of your finest single malt scotch straight up." Bartender complies and lines up 10 brandy snifters and pours 10 shots of his finest malt. Guy throws down each shot, one after another. Bartender says "Wow, I've never seen anyone drink like that." Guy looks up from his bar stool and says" you'd drink like that if you have what I got". Bartender looking very concerned looks at the guy and asks "What do you have? Guy looks up from his barstool and says "fifty cents."

Eddie

 

[MadJack]

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. "Barkeep give me ten shots of your finest single malt scotch straight up." Bartender complies and lines up 10 brandy snifters and pours 10 shots of his finest malt. Guy throws down each shot, one after another. Bartender says "Wow, I've never seen anyone drink like that." Guy looks up from his bar stool and says" you'd drink like that if you have what I got". Bartender looking very concerned looks at the guy and asks "What do you have? Guy looks up from his barstool and says "fifty cents."

Eddie

:lol: