I need an adversary

[marine]

Foolish mortal,

Why would you dare challenge someone as sophisticated as I to a battle of the wits? I will merely rope that steer you have for a mascot and ride you like a lil heffer to the promised land of glory and fame. ALong the way I will rape your horses and pillage your women.

Much the same as old "small" men have large sports cars to compensate for their lack of manhood... I can't help but notice the size of the horns on your steer... quite oversized... are you trying to compensate for something there wonderboy?

You have no superpowers to match up with me. And in fact, just to make it interesting I will refrain from using multi-syllable words in order for you to understand the deragotry remarks I make to you while flushing what is left of your ego and self worth down the toilet to fertilize the land.



please pick me!!!! please please please!!!

 

[Felonious Monk]

Sorry for the delayed response marine. I was busy wiping off the Root Beer I just spewed all over my monitor after reading your "rump ranger" parody. BTW, how long have you been in envy of my long horn?

Battling wits with me would be a mismatch as you are clearly unarmed. I'm much more lazy than stupid, the two can be confusing. I'm much more lazy than stupid, the two can be confusing. I'm much more lazy than stupid, the two can be confusing.

Thank you, your application is being reviewed and strongly considered for the opening.

 

[djv]

Looking like a love fest. I just want to know if there is still alot of Steers and ?, in Texas. Burnt Orange, Eddie can tell you stories about Burnt Orange.

 

[marine]

For Monk's sake I hope that he does not pick me. I mean, come on monkey, your three brain cells vs my 5? you have got to be kidding me!

Here is a guy who couldnt hit water if he fell out of a boat.. and trying to become a superhero! Sorry Monk, but "Handi-Man" has already been taken!


Now, if only i can conjur up an appropriate villian name....
how about...
Doctor Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil?
The Greeny Weenie?


"I'm rubber and you're glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to YOU!"

 

[DNOMYAR_5791]

Monk, we can be adversaries on

November 2nd 2002.

I will probably go to this game as my brother is a season ticket holder and I will have some good vacation time built up by then.

 

[ryson]

So the old Jedi mind trick really does work! Rod, please don't let these double standards continue or I will be forced to snipe Barry from the upper decks.

Your friend,


Monk

My parents are democrats, so I have heard Eddie's side of the story and been debating against it for years with my pops. I guess I am just used to it. No Jedi mind trick bro and never a double standard (you should know better than that), still right wing and still Texan (by proxy)

 

[PRO190]

You wanna piece of ME Little MAN, :thefinger, Hey that a Steer ear hanging off the side of your Melon, gi me a little nip, play a LiL Cowgirl and Gangsta, send you home licking y'alls cowballs bells whatever , Dons calling , I'llBE BACK

sincerely,

Mike Tyson

 

[THE KOD]

OK Monk

I am calling you out. It has been two days and no word on whose application was accepted or rejected.

This shows no class.
Its gutless /

I have been in touch with Haskell who prefers to remain anynomamous or however you spell that , except through me.

Haskell is not sure but it seems you have put yourself in a position to be sued. Haskell says he would read you your rights if he could. Said to tell you the beaver was involved but not sure what that meant.

So you cant make a simple decision huh. Well then I guess we know where you are coming from. And the Freak or whoever he is will not protect you either.

We await your response .

Respectfully

Scott-Atlanta/ Haskell

 

[dogface]

SAy this in a deep hallwoing voice:

SAy this in a deep hallwoing voice:

Felonious Monk......I am your father!

Did I win!

dogface

 

[Frogy]

i like olivia newtenberry and pamela overbreast.

i dont like chips cose it makes too much sound when you eat them and i use to love mark and mindi.

i have hear on my cheast and huge feat.

I really ike HULK.
can i submit my name for the contest?????????????

 

[yak merchant]

Alright T-sip Boy. I need to know if I should unleash my devious plan to take over the world or if you've given up on this idea because you're laying on the Drag someplace begging for money and polishing off another bottle of the Bird. And Jack if you read this, you need to do something about all those damn burnt orange nasty avatars. Not even one good Aggie avatar, or atleast a Hillbilly chasing a sheep around.

 

[fatdaddycool]

I am not quite sure how "I need an adversary" can be so misunderstood as to degrade into.." post first moronic thought that enters slightly atrophied brain"...but it seems to have been accomplished.
Monk, I must say ...you are the pulse of the board, and it needs an angiogram.

 

[Felonious Monk]

Somebody kidnapped me over the weekend.........

I was tied to a table. The only light present were candles surrounding my holding place. As much as I could figure was that I was being held by some cult. A door opened and in came 3 figures all covered in cloaks.

They soon removed their hoods and much to my horror, I saw the most hideous of sights. There, standing before me, were Yak Merchant, marine, and Scott-Atlanta.

It only got worse when they informed me I was there to service the elephant that was the mascot of their cult. It seems that the satisfaction of this mascot was a religious ritual that had to be repeated once every three years. The only way to make sure that the elephant had been completely pleasured was a pair of well-oiled nuts. Seems this pachyderm liked to pack-em in, if you catch my drift. Realizing there was no escaping this circus act, we embarked on what I thought was going to be a long, hot ride. Only a few seconds into that rhythmic rumba, that braying beast petered out. His name may be Jumbo, but he's no Cockenhammer. That's for sure.

After that beast had had his way with me, the trio of hooded has-beens disrobed to reveal the most unusual tattoos wrapped around their midriffs. When they stood hip to hip, it revealed....

 

[Eddie Haskell]

Well Felonious:

What topic shall I thrash you with. Death penalty? Nah, I allready hammered you with that one. Abortion aka womans right to choose? Catholic priest and little boys? How bout that billy from Texas currently (and hopefully only for two more years)leasing a house on Penn Ave in D.C? You pick the topic and I will out-intellect and destroy you with it similar to what any self-respecting Ohio college football team would do to your University of Texas Sooners were they to meet on the field of honour.

In the meantime, I'm still trying to figure out what a johnson is? I heard a Reds broadcast the other night and the local colour guy on the radio referred to a home run as a "johnson". So, in other words, Sammy Sosa has 14 johnsons? Gonna be playin gulf in Crossville Tenn"ass"ee later this week and hope you little ole Texas brain can come up with a topic worthy of my review and which will attempt to, in the most miniscule fashion, challenge my superior intellect.

Have I dangled the carrot?

Eddie, the humble

 

[TIME TO MAKE $$$]

 

[Eddie Haskell]

Hi Time:

You haven't flunked out of law school yet?

Eddie

 

[yyz]

"honour"? "colour"?

What happened, Edwardo........spend the last 6 weeks in an English boarding school?

Put down that Zima, and get back to work, you tool!

 

[TIME TO MAKE $$$]

Hi Time:

You haven't flunked out of law school yet?

Eddie

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, I thought you were more mature than that....

 

[TIME TO MAKE $$$]

And for your info Eddie, I responded with the above facial response in regards to the entire thread, not your remarks.....


Have a nice day...

 

[Felonious Monk]

"The more I think about it, old Billy was right. Let's kill all the lawyers, kill 'em tonight.'' -- Don Henley's '90s spin on William Shakespeare's "Henry VI."

There is a reason -- check that, reasons -- we hate lawyers. There is a reason we make those jokes. There is reason we mock them, deride them, curse at them, sing about them, treat them with such utter disdain.

Understand, I don't wish Eddie Haskell or any other lawyer to meet with any sort of foul play. A few healthy conscience attacks, some well-timed guilt pangs mind you, but no violence.

I don't hate Eddie. That would be impossible, because I don't know Eddie. I've never met Eddie.

And I don't ever want to.

The more I think about it, maybe Billy wasn't right. But his heart was in the right place.

We're onto you Eddie boy.

:gf: