September 12, 2008, 7:40 pm
Experience 101
Dear Reader: It may be time to give up on writing about current events in this space. When you think how news travel time has been telescoped, it?s dizzying. It took days for even the rumors of Custer?s annihilation at Little Big Horn to reach the east. Now any news over two hours old isn?t news ? it?s ?olds.? Anything from the day before is virtually archaeology.
In reading what follows, be aware that nothing here is exactly meant to be a ?this just in? bulletin. And so, the inevitable phrase: ?By the time you read this?.?
Or, for short:
B.T.T.Y.R.T.: Sarah Palin will doubtless have been outed even further from the witness protection program in which her handlers have kept her secreted since her smasheroo solo performance on That Memorable Night.
There?s no denying that she rocked the place and, as her enthusing boosters said, ?She really delivered the goods.?
So she did, even if some were shoddy.
Back here in the past, when I?m writing this, we have just seen part one of her quizzing by Charles Gibson, with mixed reviews for both. So far I have not seen her confronted with some of the things about which she has been, to put it in that awful Diplomatically Correct phrase, ?somewhat less than fully truthful.? (Typesetter: If space is scarce, use ?lying.?) As in claiming ?no thanks? to the bridge money while failing to disclose that she kept it.
Performance is the mot juste for what she did at the convention. And I admit that even my own jaded and cynical showbiz heart leapt up as she wowed the adoring crowd with a show-stopper display of charm and personality. I even laughed at two or three of the two or three too many insults directed at Obama. Don Rickles could not have snapped them out better.
Watching a woman, slight of build and full of pizazz so thoroughly bedazzle a vast audience is entertaining. Something chimed in my memory when she brought that crowd to its feet with frantic and worshipful cheering.
Ah, yes. I had seen it all before.
It was Judy Garland at The Palace.
And yet no one offered her the vice-presidency. (Fact-checker: Am I right on this?)
I wince and feel for her over the reports of how she is being tutored, guided and taught in marathon cram sessions of what might be called a crash course in Instant Experience 101. There?s something almost funny in the idea that she is being speedily stuffed, Strasbourg-goose-style, with knowledge she should have had before she was selected.
You can?t help wondering about her current tutors and coaches and experts. Will they collect their checks and depart? Or will they still be around should she have to make a quick decision about things like troop movements, new surges, or whether or not to reduce Iran to a cinder? Or any number of other matters requiring resume items more complex than those faced by a mayor of Wasilla.
I?d love to have the chance to ask her how being able to see Russia from parts of her state apparently qualifies her to deal with that vastly complex country more effectively than those scholars and diplomats who find themselves less proximate to its shores.
Every time I nostalgically try to regain my liking of John McCain, he reaches into his sleaze bag and pulls out something malodorous.
If there were a prize cake available, McCain?s lowbrow ad attempting to paint Obama as a virtual pornographer and peddler of sex to kindergarteners would take that pastry. Plate and all.
And it might be, if not instructive, at least fun to give McCain?s trash-peddling Karl Rove acolytes some truth serum and ask them if ? in their heart of hearts ? they really think Obama meant to call our Sarah a pig.
To believe that, wouldn?t you have to be at least as dumb as Georgia Republican Lynn Westmoreland? The man who used the word ?uppity? about Obama?
Westmoreland, a living embodiment of that stock cartoonist?s character the Good Old Boy southern senator ? complete with slouch, beer gut and eyes over his bags ? courageously claimed ignorance of any racism in that favorite term of those who murdered Emmett Till and Medgar Evers. Anything involving Westmoreland and ignorance is unlikely to be disputed.
McCain is in on a pass with a large chunk of the press. It?s said he owes that to his friendly kaffeeklatsch manner in the back of the plane, sleeves rolled up, chummy, not averse to a dirty joke or two ? one of them a stomach-turning jest about a recent president?s daughter uttered at a public gathering.
His remedial-reading clumsiness with the Teleprompter sometimes affords amusement. On Sarah: ?She?s worked with her hands and knows? ? pause, making it sound exactly like ?hands and nose? ? then, realizing, ?? and knows what it?s like to worry about mortgage payments, and health care, and the cost of gasoline and groceries.? (Did YouTube and Stephen Colbert miss that one?)
But enough of this carping. There is one good thing you can say about Sarah. She seems to have hit upon something that might bring relief to the hordes of suffering souls with the wolf at the door and their homes in jeopardy: Collect per diem for nights spent in your own house. :142smilie
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She charges to stay in her own house.