Single Moms?

[Regular Joe]

We had a lively discussion at work concerning long term relationships involving single mothers (never married, divorced, or widowed) and guys who were never married or divorced with no kids (that they know of).

Looking for opinions on whether or not you'd allow yourself to enter into a long term relationship (possibly marriage) with a single mother of one or more children.


Thanks!
"Joe"

 

[The Wizard]

Why not???? Especially if the kid(s) like you a lot. Single mothers tend to side with their kids quite a bit.

 

[smurphy]

Used to be a flat out 'no'. Increasingly, it's becoming a 'maybe'. I'm 36 and fit your criteria.

 

[Regular Joe]

Wizard,
Totally agree with you. The moms to resent the "dads" disciplining "their" kids.

Smurphy,
It I may ask, what's made you move from the "no" position??

Any single moms out there able to chime in??




Thanks, guys!

 

[BahamaMama]

BigJoe, i promise to chime in as soon as i can get my ducks in a row well enough to make sense!!!

have both dad and kid issues going on right now

 

[smurphy]

I think Bahama's post is an answer for the "no" part right there. If you want a quiet drama free relationship, it's hard to find when kids and the ex are still in the picture. No knock on you Mama. My mom was single and somehow brought me and my sis up on her own. Have no idea how she did that. I can barely juggle my 4 hour a day job and weekly pub trivia contest.

Not having kids a major thing common I looked for. I really could not relate to someone with a kid. It affected conversion, lifestyle, everything.

Guess the biological is ticking and I feel like I want kids for the first time. Wouldn't be so bad to already have the terrible twos out way, I suppose.

 

[bjfinste]

I'm 27, and I never want kids nor thought I would date someone who had any. But a few months back, I really started to fall for a divorced 35-year old co-worker who had two daughters. While the relationship was short-lived, the fact that she had daughters never bothered me at all. They were just an extension of her, and I was cool with that since I liked her so much.

I guess that kids could be an obstacle early on that could keep me from getting to know a girl better. But if I already know and like her, it wouldn't be a problem.

 

[BahamaMama]

smurphy, by dad, i meant my father, not THEIR dad. he is OUT of the picture entirely (other than the fact that my daughter is ready to go live with him, and i am ready to SEND her) i think when BJ hears my response it won't sound as bad as my initial post.


(and yes, i'm back downstairs cuz i can't manage to talk dad into going to the ER to bring his heartrate down instead of waiting till tomorrow morning to have the dr. adjust his pacemaker) the kid part is that they are bitching about having to get up extra early in the morning for school cuz we have to get grandpa to the dr's office.

There was a 3 or 4 part special report on NBC news the past couple of weeks on *TWEENS* (not your typical tweens, but instead the baby boomers caught between aging parent/parents and demanding children)

if THAT definition was in the dictionary, my picture would be next to it!!!!

 

[BahamaMama]

I Wouldn't be so bad to already have the terrible twos out way, I suppose.

oh, and smurfy......... i would SO welcome the terrible twos back right now!!!!!!!!!!

if you're gonna get involved with someone with kids, do it while the kids are YOUNG, cuz when they get older, they just may become monsters!!!!

 

[pug]

Although I'm married now, I was never in a long term relationship with a single mother, and doubt I ever would be if somehow I became single again. The only way I would do it is if the single mother had outstanding qualities in everything else I look for.

 

[smurphy]

Thank you fro the advice, Mama. Sorry about my mistake on the "dad" part. Hope your father gets better.

The times when I did date a mom, I avoided their kids like the plague. I knew that if I got to know them, I'd fall in love with them and probably never leave. ....Kinda like why I can't walk past the puppy cages in a pet store or at the animal shelter. My house would be filled up with dogs and kids if I ever opened my damn eyes. ....Yeah, probably f&&kin kittens too.

 

[Mjolnir]

i prefer single moms. there usually more mature and you can get a good sense of who they are by the way they treat their kids. as long as the father situation isnt flakey, i think its great.

 

[saint]

As long as you're not "shoplifting the pootie".

Anyone? Anyone?

 

[smurphy]

nice saint - errr, cuba gooding.....err, what's his name tidwell. ...the guy from my avatar.

 

[fatdaddycool]

I am dating a girl right now that has two kids, a girl that is 3 and a boy that is 2. The kids don't bother me near as much as their mother. I can't seem to shake the ole bag (although she is twelve years my junior). The problem is that I am not sure if I am ready for a relationship and we have been together for a little over a year and a half so I think she may think we are a couple........which makes it pretty tough to ignore her as she keeps calling me and stuff, but the kids are cool. They hardly know me because I don't come around them as I don't want them to get attached to me as I plan on baggin this other betty down the way and if she finds out then she may get upset and I don't want the kids to miss me. I like kids actually, but my daughter is only seven years younger than the chick and it pisses her off so I may need to reconsider.
Never dated a single Dad so really don't have any input on that..........sorry

Hope this helps,

FDC

 

[BahamaMama]

UGH FDC... until i saw this response from you, was about to e-mail you for some advice!! have always seen you as one of the most outspoken and honest people around here on what my questions may concern.

gotta head to the hospital shortly tho, as the kids are almost down for the night, and dad left by ambulance about 15 minutes ago

(he's still pissed at me for not driving him myself, but wasn't any way in hell i was taking him with a defib going off!!!)

 

[BADTODABONE]

:hbd: .....belated......

 

[fatdaddycool]

Mama,
Of course you realize some of that was written for comedic effect. Though it is true that we have been dating for a year and a half, and she has two kids, well actually all of it is true except the thing about the gal down the street. The only girl down the street from me is a slovenly polish chick that drives an ice cream van for a living and smokes Lucky Strikes like the antedote is in them. I am interested in the nurse at my doctors office though......but a budding relationship with a new woman is always difficult when you have already had a "butting" relationship with her as a nurse. Its hard to ask a girl if she would be offended if you kissed her goodnight when she has had her index finger buried up to your prostate. I do not spend much time with the kids either as I am quite sure that this is not the girl for me but she is exceptionally nice, sweet, kind and hot so I am finding the words difficult at the time. I am trying to find a way to do this without being hurtful. I was thinking about saying welcome to dumpsville population you.............that should be somewhat soft......whatya think?
And I really haven't dated a single dad either.

Hope this helps,

FDC


p.s. you can still mail me and of course I hope all is well with Dad. I know you are going through a difficult time and I wish you all the best.

 

[TJBELL]

We had a lively discussion at work concerning long term relationships involving single mothers (never married, divorced, or widowed) and guys who were never married or divorced with no kids (that they know of).

Looking for opinions on whether or not you'd allow yourself to enter into a long term relationship (possibly marriage) with a single mother of one or more children.


Thanks!
"Joe"

I am about to enter into a marriage to a sweetheart of a Mom who has twin boys (18 years old). She has been married twice (both were physically abusive and I am not)

All i can say is if you love someone dearly, it's a package deal. I get the love of my life with 2 (ugh!) kids [and thank God both are living in Maryland] and we are together here and they are some 1,000 miles away!

If you love someone, whether they are single/divorced moms, YOU WILL KNOW IT!

ps: I never wanted children myself.

GL!!!

 

[Regular Joe]

Out of the five single moms in our workplace, three think they have no chance to find a decent guy to eventually settle down with. I guess all three had some bad experiences along the way (haven't we all?) and are VERY defensive. My contention is that if you give it a chance and keep an open mind, there are guys out there that WILL love them and WILL accept the fact they have children.
I've gotten to them them over time, and all three actually are very nice, caring women. They just have this horrible negative attitude when they're "on guard".