Step on in here, mister, I got just what you're lookin' for

C

Cow

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Jul 13, 1999
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With only eight teams and seven games remaining in the NFL season, the matchups are now mammoth in every way, so I hope I have your undivided. Ya see what I?m sayin?? Not only will I be dealin? you my white-hot opts in all four semi-conference tilts, but I?ve got a Cow Power pie in the AFC which is the strongest rated play that I?ve seen all year. This, using the same traditional Bovinian handicapping system what had me go 52-28 during the regular season. That?s right! And I went 3-1 +3.5 units in the wildcard games with one of the winners being a 2-team parlay, as Baltimore and Under came home easier than a drunk nymphomaniac.

Excited?

Yeah, I knew you would be. It seems all ya hafta do is mention a nympho to a married fella and you can practically feel the temperature rise. Nevertheless, you gotta chill, Dick, ya savvy? I don?t want you should miss any of these pies, okay? Because I?m also givin? up the previously private pie known in very diminutive circles as Cow?s Secret Psychic Super Selection or the Furtive Pie. This one actually goes against all conventional handicapping techniques that I know of and focuses instead on my drunken viewa the future.

You didn?t know that I was clairvoyant, did you? Save your breath there, Einstein, I already know the answer to that one.

Hey, there?s alotta things what you don?t know about me. Frinstance, I?ll bet you didn?t know that Cow is actually short for Cowstradomus, did ya. So anyway, check back here often as I?ll be posting the games right here this week. Like, moo.

BARTENDER!
 
G

Get Yo Freak On

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Jan 14, 2002
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Great another scamster service

Great another scamster service

All right you win Clair, sign me up for the 199$ special playoff package. I'll join the rest of the suckers that fall for your garbage script. Can't you just stay away from these sites and let them remain scamser free.
Please keep out!
 
S

Statman02

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Jan 29, 2000
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very amoosing......the Balt/under parlay was a masterpiece........moocho gracias compadre:toast:
 
D

djv

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Nov 4, 2000
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Poor SOB still does not know what he said wrong. :D :D :D LOLBT
 
C

Cow

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Jul 13, 1999
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Philadelphia at Chicago

Philadelphia at Chicago

PHILADELPHIA +3 @ CHICAGO 31?
By now yuz oughtta be aware of the sexy trend what?s goin? around concerning this particular round of the playoffs. I?ve seen it structured in different ways, but basically it?s the angle what I call, ?We Love Them --- They Hiatus? and it?s at 85.7% to the number since the ?80s. Specifically, it goes like this: Teams playing their first playoff game following a 3-year or longer hiatus from the post-season are 18-3 against the spread.

The experts?ll tell ya that this piece of information alone is not reason enough to wager on a team, but as you can plainly see, the experts in this specific case have been fulla crap for nearly twenty freakin? years. Fortunately, I, Unholycow am no expert. Leastwise not so?s you?d notice. Yet still, I found myself having difficulty backing Boo-Boo in this baby. The problem is that my preseason forecast had the Philadelphia Eagles going to the dance whilst Yogi, Smokey and Gentle Ben I figured would have a good season if they stayed outta the division cellar. So I?m thinkin?, I?ve been around the block a time or two, my bonehead mistakes are behind me. I ain?ta a rookie, see? I mean, I don?t call nobody out without first knowin? their game. Ya see what I?m sayin?? And I don?t write checks to people without signin? them suckers; leastwise, not much. And finally, I don?t win three large and forget about my friends, neither, so . . . I couldn?t have been ?that? wrong back in August . . . could I?

Finally, when comparing the teams by position, it became clear to me that in reality, there was only one side worth considering. On the one side, I like Andy Reid, I like Duce Staley, I like James Thrash and I like think Donny McNabb has more upside than any qb in the league. I know these guys! They play hard and give you an honest effort every time out. And they are currently on a 12-3-2 run against the number as an underdog. The Eagles fully expected to be where they are, well, not in Chicago certainly, but fighting for a World Championship. If they ain?t the team what makes fewer mistakes, I?ll be stunned.

The Bears? To be honest, they?re still strangers to me. Of their top players, I can name only two with absolute certainty and I might get that rookie running back?s name backwards! And remember, this is the Bears, not Da Bearsss. They make it to the Conference Championship game about as often as I make it to Mad Jack?s Super Bowl Vegas Invasion. Wait a second . . . you don?t think . . . Nah. EAGLES +3

Okay. Everybody needs to lay off the new kid. I mean, it was you he was tryin? to protect, for cryin? out loud. Anyway Get Yo, yer gunna need a little more tolerance, if yuz catch my drift. Besides, the boss has button men what?ll take care of the riff-raff. You just need to work on your handicapping and social skills. Like we all ain?t been down that road before, right? Anyway, hang in there; these guys are really justa buncha pussycats.

Now get the hell outta here! And never darken my towels again!
 
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C

Cow

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Jul 13, 1999
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No sweat, Get Yo. Besta luck, man.

I'll be goin' by the bank today, boss, I'll let you know.

Don't think I didn't think about that, BBC, but I gotta be true to myself . . . and youse bums, too! Please don't hate me, Mama!

Hold on! What? I got over a thousand posts?! Christ, I need to get a life. No wait, I tried that, never mind.

BARTENDER!
 
B

BahamaMama

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Dec 6, 1999
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Davenport, Iowa
Cow said:
.

Don't think I didn't think about that, BBC, but I gotta be true to myself . . . and youse bums, too! Please don't hate me, Mama!
Click to expand...

awwwww, i could NEVER hate ya, cow........but, i WILL turn you over my knee and spank you while in Vegas if my Bears don't win this weekend :D ........ couldn't give a rats rear about the spread, and if more of ya are on them eagles than on the better team, i'd take a 2 pt. win!!!!!

need a good bet with Jack in Vegas, and a Bear/Raven matchup is important ;)
 
C

Cow

Registered User
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Jul 13, 1999
213
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Portland, OR
OAKLAND +2? @ NEW ENGLAND 39

OAKLAND +2? @ NEW ENGLAND 39

I expected big things outta the silver & black last week and frankly, I was disappointed. Oh sure, they covered the number. Did it easily, in fact. Yet, apparently their defense is as fulla holes as a bagga freakin? doughnuts. Now, whilst I freely admit that this is an enormously influential dynamic at this time of the year, it ain?t the reason what?s causin? me to have chalk itch in this one.

New England has a sweetheart of a scheduling spot here, I think. I mean, they?ve played but a single game in the last 27 days, and it was an easy workout of a win at the Pants house. The cover in that 38-6 laugher was the 7th time the Pats got the money in their last 8 games, too, by the way. Conversely speakin?, Oakland has had 3 hard-fought bouts over the same piece of time and only won the one last week. Now they get the pleasure of traveling cross-country for the first time since Thanksgiving. I don?t know what the weather?s been like in the bay area, but I really don?t see them ?halla famers? and the other old guys on the Raiders lookin? forward to a game in New England ? in January ? at night. Ya see what I?m sayin?? Sure ya do, yer sharper than a Wilkinson Sword blade, my friend. Yet convincing as that old on the road in the cold argument might be, it ain?t the reason what?s makin? me give the digits here neither.

Here?s somethin? I wrote back in September what only a few people have seen. It ain?t all that good, but it?ll help explain my need to play the home team in this game. Please BEAR with me, Mama. I know that you will. By the way, I have been a bad boy.

I ain?t a guy what craves revenge
But suddenly I can taste it
I ain?t an eye for an eye sorta guy
But I want someone wasted

I ain?t been a Bush backer
But I?m behind him all the way
I ain?t been in touch with God very much
But now I?m prayin? every day

I ain?t never lacked self-confidence
But you?ll seldom hear me brag
And I ain?t a nut what makes promises, but ?

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands; one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

It?s the year of the Patriot, baby! And Al ?Kyda? Davis is a football terrorist. I?m afraid this game can only end one way. PATRIOTS ?2?

Check back later, the Cow Power Pie of the Year and a Supremely Surreptitious Super-Psychic Selection both go Sunday. Acourse, you can get ?em free right here at MadJackSports.com.

At ease, soldier!
 
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