The Weiner Circle - Chicago

THE KOD

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you dress up a dirty pig


but it still is a dirty pig.



at least it is a change of venue so to speak.


Maybe the new owners have something.


or maybe it gooblygook.

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Free-Range Eggs

Most of the eggs currently sold in supermarkets are nutritionally inferior to eggs produced by hens raised on pasture. That?s the conclusion we have reached following completion of the 2007 Mother Earth News egg testing project. Our testing has found that, compared to official U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) nutrient data for commercial eggs, eggs from hens raised on pasture may contain:

? 1/3 less cholesterol
? 1/4 less saturated fat
? 2/3 more vitamin A
? 2 times more omega-3 fatty acids
? 3 times more vitamin E
? 7 times more beta carotene
 
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THE KOD

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Do you have a biting sense of humor, with a quick, dry response ready at all times? Do you like using irony to convey contempt for something? Then there?s another word to describe you besides sarcastic: intelligent.

In a series of studies conducted by the fine folks at Harvard Business School, it was found that not only did the delivery of sarcasm increase creativity, but so did being on the receiving end, because it increased abstract thinking. They dubbed sarcasm ?the highest form of intelligence?.

The study wasn?t all roses. In the first of four studies researchers found that while sarcasm did increase creativity, it also increased conflict.

In the third study, researchers found that ?sarcasm?s effect on creativity for both parties was mediated by abstract thinking and generalizes across different forms of sarcasm.? In other words, the positive effects of sarcasm are brought about by the increase in abstract thinking, and that was true across the gamut of different types of sarcasm.

According to the fourth and final study, researchers found that sarcasm-related conflict was reduced when there was trust between participants. Basically, sarcasm with your friends and trusted colleagues is ok, but with someone you barely know or a co-worker you don?t get along with it?s probably a bad idea.

So what?s the lesson here? Sarcasm can be great tool for creativity, but it?s a double-edged sword. If you?re using sarcasm with someone with whom you have less of a trusted bond, you might end with more of a negative situation than you bargained for.

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BobbyBlueChip ?

word to your mother
 

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The Way Things Were

?They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot. Once a day it was taken and sold to the tannery.

If you had to do this to survive, you were ?piss poor.?

But worse than that were the really poor folks who couldn?t even afford to buy a pot. They ?didn?t have a pot to piss in? and were considered the lowest of the low.?

?Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June.

However, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.

Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.?

?Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.

The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women, and finally the children. Last of all the babies.

By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, ?Don?t throw the baby out with the bath water!??

?Houses had thatched roofs with thick straw-piled high and no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof.

When it rained, it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying, ?It?s raining cats and dogs.?

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed.

Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That?s how canopy beds came into existence.?

?The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the term, ?dirt poor.?

The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing.

As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way.

Hence, ?a thresh hold.??

?In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day, they lit the fire and added things to the pot.

They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day.

Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, ?Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.?

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off.

It was a sign of wealth that a man could ?bring home the bacon.? They would cut off a little to share with guests, and would all sit around and ?chew the fat.??

?Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death.

This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the ?upper crust.??

?Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days.

Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.

They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up.

Hence the custom of holding a ?wake.??

?In old, small villages, local folks started running out of places to bury people.

So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave.

When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside, and they realized they had been burying people alive.

So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell.

Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (?the graveyard shift?) to listen for the bell.

Thus, someone could be ?saved by the bell,? or was considered a ?dead ringer.?
 

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THE KOD

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EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT LIFE, I LEARNED FROM A CHICKEN:

Keep your mouth shut unless you have something to crow about.

Feather your nest well; as the hen, be patient, devoted and teach your brood the skills they need for their future safety, self-reliance and well-being.

The Rooster may crow, but the hen rules the roost.

Some hens and roosters can be bullies. Remember, a bully pretends to be tough, but they are showing their weakness and will eventually be plucked by others.

A rooster is a fierce protector and will sacrifice his life for his flock. Protect your family and be willing to lay down your life for them.

When you cross the road, others may question your motives, but with strong belief in yourself and your goals, you can follow a new path no matter the criticism.

No matter how pretty you are on the outside, you can be tough on the inside.

Never count your chickens until they hatch. Disappointments are bound to happen.

Never put all your eggs in one basket. Whether that's time, money, energy or emotion.

Eventually, even the most independent will come home to roost.

Respect the pecking order, or you will be at the bottom, no matter where you started.

Make sure if you're going to cackle that it is in praise and with pride, not with gossip to bring others down.

Take time to molt. Like chickens, we all need to rest and rejuvenate.

If you try to take flight, your wings will get clipped. Fleeing from your fears, from responsibility or from reality will always bring you down.

The farther you free-range, the higher the risks.

A rooster leads his flock to the best morsels, while he stands guard and patiently waits for them to get their fill before he will step forward for what may be left over. Be willing to make those sacrifices for your own *flock*. Selfishness, breeds selfishness.

Be good to your flock or you will get plucked.

A rooster is the leader of his flock. You're either a leader or a follower, but be sure if you're following that it isn't down the wrong path or with blind trust.

When there is no rooster, the lead hen will assume the role. If you are a single parent you can still lead responsibly; guide. protect, discipline and nurture.

Do not tread on another's territory without permission or you will ruffle feathers.

Don't run around like a chicken with it's head cut off, it will get you nowhere. Set goals and follow through even if it's one step at a time, you will get to where you need to be.

Spend time with your family, even if they seem a little cracked or scrambled.

One bad egg does not have to spoil the whole carton.

A hen shows pride in her accomplishments by cackling, every time she lays an egg, yet others in the flock will generally ignore her. This is pride of accomplishment, not to be mistaken for bragging. Be proud of your accomplishments, even if no one else appears to be.

Stretch your wings. We all have abilities that we may not think we have, but you will never know if you do not extend yourself and give them a try.

A chick develops over time, then works hard to break out of it's shell. It then rests, fluffs up and is ready for its new life in a new environment. Be like a chick. Take time to develop strength and perseverance so you are able to break out of your own shell to face the new experiences around you.

Build a nest egg for your future. There are no guarantees in life, but if you squander, and do not plan for the future, life will be difficult when there are emergencies or you are unable to work.

Whoever, and wherever you are, Be a good Egg.
 

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give something back to humanity.

straighten out a Lesbian today
 

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THE KOD

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I have no kids.

Looking back on it, I see that my childlessness resulted from a combination of circumstances and nature -- but also some unfortunate decisions on my part. Or rather, the lack of decision. Sometime inaction turns into a decision in itself.

Last year I published an essay that I had written 14 years earlier, "Not Having Children." It resonated with many women, and I was lucky enough to have The Huffington Post translate it into French and Spanish, and so I was able to share my experience with more women than I had ever imagined.

I have a happy life, though, and -- except for that very big one -- few regrets.

So this may be a rather serious post, but it is not a sad one.

It is irritating -- and unfair -- that because of my childlessness, I am also considered excluded from commenting on child-rearing. "Oh, you just don't KNOW," say Mothers everywhere when I venture an opinion on kids' behavior.

But I DO know. Who better to see the good and not-so-good in children than someone who has had nothing but objective observation for decades? I have no vested interest. I am not comparing your little monsters to my little monsters. I am not sizing up your parenting skills against mine. I am not going to start a sentence with, "Back when I was raising my Joey..."

I see. I really see.

I see that a kid of 4 should no longer hit.

I see that a kid of 5 should be able to eat without extraordinary mess. There should be little food on floor or table. It can, however, still be on his plate, as I recognize all the fussy stages that kids go through.

By 6, she should be able to wait maybe two minutes for anything, including you, before pulling out the cranky tears. If you run into me in the supermarket and want to chat, I know that your kid wants to get the show on the road. But two minutes of patience is not a bad thing to learn. And I am also aware that if we go over two minutes, all bets are off. This is a kid, not a saint.

Also by 6, a kid should be able to lose a game once in a while. It is always fun to win, but to lose with good humor is a skill that will last her a lifetime.

A 7-year-old should know how to behave in public. I remember working in a kitchen shop years ago, and a tiny boy of maybe five came in with his mother. He walked over to me, past all the breakable dishes and glassware and announced: "I'm not touching anything. And I'm using my inside voice." If a 5-year-old understands the rules, so should your 7-year-old.

And you should be able to take an 8-year-old to a restaurant. A kid-friendly restaurant is probably a wise choice, but once in a while, your kids should go someplace nice, and act nice. They should have some appropriate manners and conversation. This will help enormously in the future. Especially when you visit me. I like talking to and listening to your kids. I do not like yelling at them to stop jumping on the furniture or banging the piano. I'd rather discuss History and Kung Fu Panda -- and so would they.

And while we are on the subject of food (and it seems that LOTS of kids' behaviors revolve around food), I expect a 9-year-old to be polite about what he likes or doesn't. Recently at a family gathering, a kid much older than that called a certain dish, "disgusting." I really don't care whether it is my kid or not -- or whether I am short of the correct parenting qualifications. I told that kid -- pleasantly enough -- that someone at that very table took the time and trouble to make that food as a gift for us. That he could eat it or not eat it. But that he was not allowed to call it disgusting.

My expectations are realistic. I know the difference between overtired and bratty. I have a tremendous amount of patience (and sympathy for you, by the way) for the kid who is having a meltdown because it's already 7:30 p.m. and you're still running errands, and he hasn't had dinner yet.

And I know that good behavior is far more plentiful than bad behavior -- we just notice the bad stuff more.

One more comment: With regards to "overtired" -- it seems there is a huge increase in kids who are over-extended and under-rested. So please, for the sake of their well-being and your sanity (and mine), give the kids a decent bedtime.

And give them a hug and kiss for me when you put them to bed.

Because down deep, I wish they were mine.
 
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At some point, the room becomes a chorus of curses and racial epithets, and it becomes impossible not to notice that the staff, the battle-hardened staff, are all black, and the crowd nearly entirely white, male and drunk. Some of the cracks are funny, especially from the people who work there, who have had plenty of time to sharpen their tongue and their wit. But it becomes hard to laugh when you can feel how hard that clever crack is working as a shield, trying to defend against all the rage in the room.

Chants of ?Chocolate milkshake? stir in the crowd. Rhythmic, pulsing, the voices calling for the chocolate shake get louder, with people banging on things, even in the kitchen. The place is in an utterly warlike state. A server, a woman, looks uninterested and annoyed, and then, exasperated, starts demanding money. When she gets enough, her shirt comes up, and the crowd cheers, victoriously, at the sight of her enormous, quivering breasts. They got their chocolate shake. I hear the tips are great. I hate this place.
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