WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR GEORGE W. BUSH OR JOHN
> > KERRY GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
> >
> > My Fellow Americans:
> > As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed. Since
> >congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission
in
> >Iraq is complete.
> >
> > This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
> >forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is time
> >now to begin the reckoning.
> >
> > Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of
countries
> >which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is
short.
> > The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of
> >the countries listed there.
> >
> > The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
> >worlds nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing
> >copies of both lists later this evening.
> >
> > Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to
> >those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money
> >saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of
> the
> >Iraqi
> >war.
> > The American people are no longer going to pour money into third
> >world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on
> corruption.
> > Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
> >
> > In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this
> >money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On
> >that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will
> >hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the
> >earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe
> >China.
> >
> > To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace
> >deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to
> >Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables,
> >too. I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations
> with
> >France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are
> >retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
> >
> > I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many
UN
> >diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid
parking
> >tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and
> >crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps
> >have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or
> >watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of
> >the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
> >
> > A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are
> likely
> >to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not
> >pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and
> >his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will
> >have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting
> >around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security.
> >
> > So start doing something with your oil. Oh, by the way, the United
> >States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty --- starting now.
> >
> > We are tired of the one-way highway. It is time for America to
focus
> >on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of
> >isolationism. I answer them be saying, "darn tootin."
> > Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around
> >the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on
> >the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to
> >eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup
> Soccer from America.
> > To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you
> >and we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop
dead.
> >
> > God bless America.
> > Thank you and good night.
> >
> > If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English,
> >thank a soldier.
> > KERRY GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
> >
> > My Fellow Americans:
> > As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed. Since
> >congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission
in
> >Iraq is complete.
> >
> > This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
> >forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is time
> >now to begin the reckoning.
> >
> > Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of
countries
> >which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is
short.
> > The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of
> >the countries listed there.
> >
> > The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
> >worlds nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing
> >copies of both lists later this evening.
> >
> > Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to
> >those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money
> >saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of
> the
> >Iraqi
> >war.
> > The American people are no longer going to pour money into third
> >world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on
> corruption.
> > Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
> >
> > In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this
> >money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On
> >that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will
> >hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the
> >earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe
> >China.
> >
> > To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace
> >deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to
> >Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables,
> >too. I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations
> with
> >France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are
> >retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
> >
> > I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many
UN
> >diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid
parking
> >tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and
> >crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps
> >have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or
> >watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of
> >the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
> >
> > A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are
> likely
> >to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not
> >pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and
> >his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will
> >have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting
> >around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security.
> >
> > So start doing something with your oil. Oh, by the way, the United
> >States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty --- starting now.
> >
> > We are tired of the one-way highway. It is time for America to
focus
> >on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of
> >isolationism. I answer them be saying, "darn tootin."
> > Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around
> >the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on
> >the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to
> >eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup
> Soccer from America.
> > To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you
> >and we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop
dead.
> >
> > God bless America.
> > Thank you and good night.
> >
> > If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English,
> >thank a soldier.
