Damn Ripken, put a dislcaimer on stories like that before you tell them. I almost just puked up my lunch.
Your worst sexual experience
- Thread starter DBLMUTZ
- Start date
other than kissing a girl who smoked and almost puking, I can't think of any bad experiences in this category.
marine said:Can I share mine???????
or will you sissies get all freaked out again?
:142smilie :mj07: :142smilie
kneifl
In college I was dating a girl that went to a different university. She lived in a dorm nicknamed the virgin vault, so needless to say I didn't stay over there. A guy I knew from high school was out of town for the weekend and was nice enough to let me borrow his apartment. So we are doing the deed with her on top in total darkness, and I mean we are going at it. Well let's just say I didn't know he had a cat. So seems that the cat was slightly interested in the moving and bouncing parts. Needless to say I got a sackful of claws and teeth. Girlfriend almost hit the ceiling fan, cat hit wall so hard I thought I killed it. I'm pouring hydrogen peroxide on my bleeding sack. Not a great experience.
was banging a girl on the couch in the living room of an empty house that my buddy had up for sale....well right about in the middle of it in comes a real estate agent and a couple who were prospective buyers interested in the house.......luckily there was a blanket on that couch so we scrambled underneath it while the real estate agent showed the house............very embarressing
I got one that I remember quite vividly. I was 14 years old and this popular girl at school named Patty was going to have a 14 birthday party over at her house.
Patty P was a cheerleader and a very pretty girl. Talked to everyone and was just a nice person also.
There was going to be alot of girls there, dancing, cake, games , etc. I was thrilled I got invited. I was on the football team so maybe that had something to do with it. I was not going to miss this.
So the party starts and somehow a bunch of us end up downstairs in the basement listening to music. I guess there was 6 girls and 4 boys sitting in a circle talking.
Someone pulls out a coke bottle and we decide to play spin the bottle , but after much discussion it was agreed instead to be strip the bottle. So if the bottle lands on you , you got to take some clothes off. Hell I thought I died and gone to heaven. This is a great party I was thinking.
So we were all laughing and the girls were losing as much as the guys were, and we all took our shoes and socks off when the bottle landed our way.
Well after about 20 minutes the Birthday Girl Patty P, whose house it was , and whose father was right upstairs, doesnt have many more things to take off. She has a skirt and a pressed white blouse.
The bottle spins.
It lands on Patty P. She gets red faced and is refusing to participate any further in the strip game.
So Tommy D , our star fullback. Something comes over him. He must have thought, look bitch if you lose you lose.
Now I am sitting right next to Patty P.
Tommy was across the circle from Patty and he reachs over and rips her white blouse open. All the buttons go flying and everyone is sitting there stunned
I swear Patty did not have a bra on and her elbow breasts and brown nipples were the most beautiful things I had ever seen in my life.
Everything was in slow motion as I stared at her breasts hoping it would never end.
Until Patty P screamed. And I mean she screamed loud and was started crying. All the girls gathered around her and covered her.
Father hears it, and comes running down the basement stairs.
He looks at us guys like we had raped her.
So I went from having such a great time, to seeing the breasts that close to me, to getting kicked out of the party and told never come back
within about ten minutes.
I remember walking home by myself and trying to sort it all out.
Boys will be boys I guess.
Patty P was a cheerleader and a very pretty girl. Talked to everyone and was just a nice person also.
There was going to be alot of girls there, dancing, cake, games , etc. I was thrilled I got invited. I was on the football team so maybe that had something to do with it. I was not going to miss this.
So the party starts and somehow a bunch of us end up downstairs in the basement listening to music. I guess there was 6 girls and 4 boys sitting in a circle talking.
Someone pulls out a coke bottle and we decide to play spin the bottle , but after much discussion it was agreed instead to be strip the bottle. So if the bottle lands on you , you got to take some clothes off. Hell I thought I died and gone to heaven. This is a great party I was thinking.
So we were all laughing and the girls were losing as much as the guys were, and we all took our shoes and socks off when the bottle landed our way.
Well after about 20 minutes the Birthday Girl Patty P, whose house it was , and whose father was right upstairs, doesnt have many more things to take off. She has a skirt and a pressed white blouse.
The bottle spins.
It lands on Patty P. She gets red faced and is refusing to participate any further in the strip game.
So Tommy D , our star fullback. Something comes over him. He must have thought, look bitch if you lose you lose.
Now I am sitting right next to Patty P.
Tommy was across the circle from Patty and he reachs over and rips her white blouse open. All the buttons go flying and everyone is sitting there stunned
I swear Patty did not have a bra on and her elbow breasts and brown nipples were the most beautiful things I had ever seen in my life.
Everything was in slow motion as I stared at her breasts hoping it would never end.
Until Patty P screamed. And I mean she screamed loud and was started crying. All the girls gathered around her and covered her.
Father hears it, and comes running down the basement stairs.
He looks at us guys like we had raped her.
So I went from having such a great time, to seeing the breasts that close to me, to getting kicked out of the party and told never come back
within about ten minutes.
I remember walking home by myself and trying to sort it all out.
Boys will be boys I guess.
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I Remember it Well !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I Remember it Well !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I Was Alone !!!!!
I Remember it Well !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I Was Alone !!!!!
Wasn't worst, is there a Worst
During a night out with Buddy, ran into one of his GF, she had a friend, we Hit it off or we got Drunk, OK we got Drunk. Ended up at my House, Bif Bam Boo, was engaged in Doggy. While proving just what kind of man she was with to her, I noticed a TAT on her upper back. Had to check it out, it said SAM. Without missing a stoke, I asked her who SAM was and she had to tell me, Her Husband. I did what every Red Blooded Male would do at that Moment....I continued and finished the Job.
Never saw her again or met SAM. It wasn't a Worst but it's an Interesting story.
During a night out with Buddy, ran into one of his GF, she had a friend, we Hit it off or we got Drunk, OK we got Drunk. Ended up at my House, Bif Bam Boo, was engaged in Doggy. While proving just what kind of man she was with to her, I noticed a TAT on her upper back. Had to check it out, it said SAM. Without missing a stoke, I asked her who SAM was and she had to tell me, Her Husband. I did what every Red Blooded Male would do at that Moment....I continued and finished the Job.
Never saw her again or met SAM. It wasn't a Worst but it's an Interesting story.
Steve
Yeh worst would have been that SAM busted through the door and kicked you in the nose so hard it killed you.
Yeh worst would have been that SAM busted through the door and kicked you in the nose so hard it killed you.
I've fallen asleep (ok-passed out) a few times in the middle of activities. Didn't make for a very enjoyable next morning, but technically it wasn't the worst for me...just her.
when i was about 15 .. getting some of the first sex i had with another 15 yr girl (girlfriend) we was over her dads house while he was at work doing a night shift.
there i was having sex with her in her bedroom ... all of the sudden we hear the door .. OH SHIT her dads home .... ran out of work came home early :scared ... i was scared shitless .. so i slowly tried to get dress .. then it happen ...
as i pull up my pants all the coins from my pockets hit the floor ... i thought i was dead meat ....
so here what i did ... i jump out kick his :box2: ass and hit it again !!!!
yeah right !
i was freaking sitting behind the door till he drunk ass went to passout ... :look: ...
there i was having sex with her in her bedroom ... all of the sudden we hear the door .. OH SHIT her dads home .... ran out of work came home early :scared ... i was scared shitless .. so i slowly tried to get dress .. then it happen ...
as i pull up my pants all the coins from my pockets hit the floor ... i thought i was dead meat ....
so here what i did ... i jump out kick his :box2: ass and hit it again !!!!
yeah right !
i was freaking sitting behind the door till he drunk ass went to passout ... :look: ...
One of my worst, and there have been a couple...
I was having a dry spell and couldn't get lucky for a few weeks. My roommate at the time was really sowing some wild oats however.
One night he went out while I stayed home and relaxed.
He came back a few hours later and said - hey buddy, your dry spell is over! I got TWO blowjobs tonite! Thought I'd come home and give one to you.
I was having a dry spell and couldn't get lucky for a few weeks. My roommate at the time was really sowing some wild oats however.
One night he went out while I stayed home and relaxed.
He came back a few hours later and said - hey buddy, your dry spell is over! I got TWO blowjobs tonite! Thought I'd come home and give one to you.
One night he went out while I stayed home and relaxed.
He came back a few hours later and said - hey buddy, your dry spell is over! I got TWO blowjobs tonite! Thought I'd come home and give one to you.
:scared :scared :scared :scared :scared
He came back a few hours later and said - hey buddy, your dry spell is over! I got TWO blowjobs tonite! Thought I'd come home and give one to you.
:scared :scared :scared :scared :scared
This may be a little lengthy, unlike me, but may be entertaining as well :shrug:
It was my Senior year in college and I had recently brroken up with a girl that I had dated for about two years. We'll call her Lori. I was banging this other chick that was dating a guy that she had been seeing for 5 years. We'll call her Michelle. To this day, one of the best lays I've ever had.I commuted to school so I was still living at home. I had a pretty convenient set up. I had built my bedroom downstairs in what some folks from the northeast might know as the "Mud Room". I had my own refridgerator, own bathroom with a shower, everybody elses rooms were upstairs and I had an exterior door into my room. On occasion "Lori" would get drunked up and walk right into my room at 2 or 3 in the morning, get naked, crawl into bed, do what had to be done and then get up, get dresssed and get the hell out before sun up. .....For the record, I lived in a very small twon that was very safe and never locked the door. Well there were a few exceptions, like when I had hooked up with another chick and wanted to make sure that "Lori" wouldn't be letting herself in, which only happened once, and fortunately I had locked the door. But I digress..........So I am at home one night when I get this phone call from a chick in one of my classes with huge ass titties. We'll call her Linda. "Linda" sez that as far as she can see, I should make a trip out to her dorm and "hang out awhile". I had never dated this chick, never made any moves on her.......Hell, I had barely spoken to her, but I had gas in the tank and the curiosity to see those thangs unleashed. So I make the trip, and she made it worth my while. Although, it was a bit distracting when she was going down on me I realized that one of her eyes didn't move, so she could keep one eye on the job at hand and the other on me, all at the same time :scared .......About a week and a half later I get a call from "Lori", and she asks me if I would come over to her place. I oblidge. Once I get there she starts acting a bit weird and then throws a glass of water on me and then the glass at me, starts crying and runs into her room crying and locks the door behind her. :shrug: ........I go over to the door and try to make out what the is saying through the door and her sobbing. Eventually she cracks open the door and shoves something into my hand .......I look down and it is a prescription bottle with a couple of pills in it. She screams out that I have given her some STD and that I needed to take those pills and take my ass out of her house and never call her again. :nono: ............Me, being the ungratefull bastard that I was, didn't only not thank her for getting me a prescription as well, but I asked her if there was any way that she could get one more prescription, since I nknew that "Michelle" was going to be in need of said medication as well. Needless to say, she chased me out of the house kurby even more pissed than she was already.........(For you youngsters, this was before the days of cell phones) So as I am driving back home I am trying to figure out how I am going to let "Michelle" know what's up. So I get home and I call her and tell her that she may want to call her aunt who is a nurse and see if she would be able to score her a prescription to save her the embarrassment of going to the docor herself :com: I had no idea as to how she was going to tell her boyfriend of 5 years, but that was her problem. She shouldn't have been f-ing around behind his back anyway. (At least that's what I told myself) She screamed a few choice words at me and started to cry and slammed the phone down in my ear......About 15 minutes later she called back and thanked me for at least telling her and being a man about it. She went on to say that she really cared for me even more now that I helped her out. (Man chicks are a different breed!)........."Michelle" also worked in the hospital part time. Her aunt could get the prescription, but set her up with a doctor that she could see in the hospital that would help her out. She said that she was all embarrassed and walked into the guys office and he just shook his head for a few seconds and then said: "I'm sorry about what happened, but if I knew you were f-ing around on your boyfriend, I sure wish it would have been me you were doing it with." I guess you've gotta be reasonably hot to get hit on by the Dr. as he is giving you a prescription for an STD :kiss:
Anyway, that's one of mine. I have a couple of chapters worth of others, but I thought that this would suffice for now :sadwave:
It was my Senior year in college and I had recently brroken up with a girl that I had dated for about two years. We'll call her Lori. I was banging this other chick that was dating a guy that she had been seeing for 5 years. We'll call her Michelle. To this day, one of the best lays I've ever had.I commuted to school so I was still living at home. I had a pretty convenient set up. I had built my bedroom downstairs in what some folks from the northeast might know as the "Mud Room". I had my own refridgerator, own bathroom with a shower, everybody elses rooms were upstairs and I had an exterior door into my room. On occasion "Lori" would get drunked up and walk right into my room at 2 or 3 in the morning, get naked, crawl into bed, do what had to be done and then get up, get dresssed and get the hell out before sun up. .....For the record, I lived in a very small twon that was very safe and never locked the door. Well there were a few exceptions, like when I had hooked up with another chick and wanted to make sure that "Lori" wouldn't be letting herself in, which only happened once, and fortunately I had locked the door. But I digress..........So I am at home one night when I get this phone call from a chick in one of my classes with huge ass titties. We'll call her Linda. "Linda" sez that as far as she can see, I should make a trip out to her dorm and "hang out awhile". I had never dated this chick, never made any moves on her.......Hell, I had barely spoken to her, but I had gas in the tank and the curiosity to see those thangs unleashed. So I make the trip, and she made it worth my while. Although, it was a bit distracting when she was going down on me I realized that one of her eyes didn't move, so she could keep one eye
on the job at hand and the other on me, all at the same time :scared .......About a week and a half later I get a call from "Lori", and she asks me if I would come over to her place. I oblidge. Once I get there she starts acting a bit weird and then throws a glass of water on me and then the glass at me, starts crying and runs into her room crying and locks the door behind her. :shrug: ........I go over to the door and try to make out what the is saying through the door and her sobbing. Eventually she cracks open the door and shoves something into my hand .......I look down and it is a prescription bottle with a couple of pills in it. She screams out that I have given her some STD and that I needed to take those pills and take my ass out of her house and never call her again. :nono: ............Me, being the ungratefull bastard that I was, didn't only not thank her for getting me a prescription as well, but I asked her if there was any way that she could get one more prescription, since I nknew that "Michelle" was going to be in need of said medication as well. Needless to say, she chased me out of the house kurby even more pissed than she was already.........(For you youngsters, this was before the days of cell phones) So as I am driving back home I am trying to figure out how I am going to let "Michelle" know what's up. So I get home and I call her and tell her that she may want to call her aunt who is a nurse and see if she would be able to score her a prescription to save her the embarrassment of going to the docor herself :com: I had no idea as to how she was going to tell her boyfriend of 5 years, but that was her problem. She shouldn't have been f-ing around behind his back anyway. (At least that's what I told myself) She screamed a few choice words at me and started to cry and slammed the phone down in my ear......About 15 minutes later she called back and thanked me for at least telling her and being a man about it. She went on to say that she really cared for me even more now that I helped her out. (Man chicks are a different breed!)........."Michelle" also worked in the hospital part time. Her aunt could get the prescription, but set her up with a doctor that she could see in the hospital that would help her out. She said that she was all embarrassed and walked into the guys office and he just shook his head for a few seconds and then said: "I'm sorry about what happened, but if I knew you were f-ing around on your boyfriend, I sure wish it would have been me you were doing it with." I guess you've gotta be reasonably hot to get hit on by the Dr. as he is giving you a prescription for an STD :kiss: Anyway, that's one of mine. I have a couple of chapters worth of others, but I thought that this would suffice for now :sadwave:
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I had to go dig this one up. Almost a year ago to the day, Scott started a similar thread.
Here's my story.....
I can't believe I'm going to tell this story.
Around 1991, I went to visit my Dad who lived in San Diego. One night, we went to a nightclub to have a couple of drinks and I ended up chatting with a beautiful California hottie. I got her number, callled her up the next day and set up a date.
My Dad let me borrow his 'Vette so I knew that was going to be a good start when I picked her up. Nice dinner, a few drinks and she asked me back to her place. Watch a liitle TV, suck face and before you know it we're in her bed.
The lights are down real low or out, I can't remember. Well, I start working her knobs and I pick up a stray, little hair. No biggie, right? Well, I go back to working them and there it is again. I'm saying, "What the Hell?" So I'm making that "pfft' sound trying to shake this hair from my mouth. She says,"What's the matter?" I'm like, "Oh it's nothing." Well, guess what? It turns out she hadn't plucked very well around the nips! I'm like, "What the Fvck!" She says,"I'm so embarassed!" I'm like, "No shit, you should be!"
Well, let's just say that there was no way the ole' soldier was going to get back to attention knowing I was going to bang a yeti.
Got up, grabbed my keys and left. That is the only time I've ever left a guaranteed piece.
I've told this story many times with buddies over the years while sampling the Crown. They were pretty amused. Hopefully I haven't embarassed myself too much.
nole
Here's my story.....
I can't believe I'm going to tell this story.
Around 1991, I went to visit my Dad who lived in San Diego. One night, we went to a nightclub to have a couple of drinks and I ended up chatting with a beautiful California hottie. I got her number, callled her up the next day and set up a date.
My Dad let me borrow his 'Vette so I knew that was going to be a good start when I picked her up. Nice dinner, a few drinks and she asked me back to her place. Watch a liitle TV, suck face and before you know it we're in her bed.
The lights are down real low or out, I can't remember. Well, I start working her knobs and I pick up a stray, little hair. No biggie, right? Well, I go back to working them and there it is again. I'm saying, "What the Hell?" So I'm making that "pfft' sound trying to shake this hair from my mouth. She says,"What's the matter?" I'm like, "Oh it's nothing." Well, guess what? It turns out she hadn't plucked very well around the nips! I'm like, "What the Fvck!" She says,"I'm so embarassed!" I'm like, "No shit, you should be!"
Well, let's just say that there was no way the ole' soldier was going to get back to attention knowing I was going to bang a yeti.
Got up, grabbed my keys and left. That is the only time I've ever left a guaranteed piece.
I've told this story many times with buddies over the years while sampling the Crown. They were pretty amused. Hopefully I haven't embarassed myself too much.
nole
college party....making out with a girl from one of my classes - had never seen her out and abut and fueled by keg beer...a courtship of about thirty-forty five minutes leads us a random bedroom of the house the party was at. God - those were the days...no dinner, no flowers...just a simple 'that class sucks' warranted some heavy petting. Anyways...
We get to getting and ever so 'innocently' this girl starts begging to have her chocolate cherry broken courtesy of yours truly. For a second I thnk ive just hit the goddamn lottery - as not only is this chick down 'fo whatevah but she's also in my class?!? Jackpot...I think Ive just found a treasure trove of random sexual experiences I havent even read about - and all the while it was sitting two rows in front of me every monday, wednesday and friday. So as Im trying to get my bearing and see one instead of three s, I let 'er rip...unaware of the necessity to take things a little slow - mind you, im not jackhammering concrete but...well, you get the idea.
She didnt and proceeded to give out a scream that sounded a little like one would imagine a soprano bovine during slaughter. Just horrendous...horrendous stuff that scars most. Kinda like the stories 'Nam vets talk about - only not really. A sound I wouldnt wish on anyone standing behind a chick while balls deep in her bunghole.
But I digress...
Hearing this cry of 'displeasure' I just as quikly as I went in...pull out. Abort abort...Im thinking and before I get the chance to ask if shes okay and apologize, I get the faintest...no, check that - the strongest, most pungent aroma of shit to permeate my nostrils arguably in my life. Agaiun, being new to this whole gig Im assuming its slightly normal...though when the girl gets up and runs out the door to the bathroom...in a house filled with people...completely naked, leaving me to assess the situation upon turning on the lights, it takes all of .002 seconds to realize that shitting all over not only my dick but my stomach, the bed and the floor probabally isnt a good thing. The trail of shit led from the bed to the bathroom and to this day, Ill never forget the sight of that girl running into the bathroom with both hands under her shit pincher...as it was the last time i ever saw her...never came back to class.
Wouldve loved to see the dude's face who actually slept there when he saw that mess.
We get to getting and ever so 'innocently' this girl starts begging to have her chocolate cherry broken courtesy of yours truly. For a second I thnk ive just hit the goddamn lottery - as not only is this chick down 'fo whatevah but she's also in my class?!? Jackpot...I think Ive just found a treasure trove of random sexual experiences I havent even read about - and all the while it was sitting two rows in front of me every monday, wednesday and friday. So as Im trying to get my bearing and see one instead of three s, I let 'er rip...unaware of the necessity to take things a little slow - mind you, im not jackhammering concrete but...well, you get the idea.
She didnt and proceeded to give out a scream that sounded a little like one would imagine a soprano bovine during slaughter. Just horrendous...horrendous stuff that scars most. Kinda like the stories 'Nam vets talk about - only not really. A sound I wouldnt wish on anyone standing behind a chick while balls deep in her bunghole.
But I digress...
Hearing this cry of 'displeasure' I just as quikly as I went in...pull out. Abort abort...Im thinking and before I get the chance to ask if shes okay and apologize, I get the faintest...no, check that - the strongest, most pungent aroma of shit to permeate my nostrils arguably in my life. Agaiun, being new to this whole gig Im assuming its slightly normal...though when the girl gets up and runs out the door to the bathroom...in a house filled with people...completely naked, leaving me to assess the situation upon turning on the lights, it takes all of .002 seconds to realize that shitting all over not only my dick but my stomach, the bed and the floor probabally isnt a good thing. The trail of shit led from the bed to the bathroom and to this day, Ill never forget the sight of that girl running into the bathroom with both hands under her shit pincher...as it was the last time i ever saw her...never came back to class.
Wouldve loved to see the dude's face who actually slept there when he saw that mess.
