Bullfrog and Blowjobs
- Thread starter Woodson
- Start date
bartender
bartender
A man has a stuttering problem. He goes into a bar and says, "bar-r- ten-der plea-please give m me a bud bud light." The bartender gives the man a Bud Light and says, "hey buddy, I used to have a studdering problem too. I went home one day and performed oral sex on my wife and I haven't studdered since, you should try it." The man agrees and leaves. He returns a couple of weeks later and the bartender says,"hey buddy, how's the studdering going?" The man replies, "n-not ve-ery go-good but you su-sure have a n-nice house!"
I'll be here all week
bartender
A man has a stuttering problem. He goes into a bar and says, "bar-r- ten-der plea-please give m me a bud bud light." The bartender gives the man a Bud Light and says, "hey buddy, I used to have a studdering problem too. I went home one day and performed oral sex on my wife and I haven't studdered since, you should try it." The man agrees and leaves. He returns a couple of weeks later and the bartender says,"hey buddy, how's the studdering going?" The man replies, "n-not ve-ery go-good but you su-sure have a n-nice house!"
I'll be here all week
After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on the American Male's recreational preferences:
1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.
Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.
Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
A girl brings a guy home one night. They get into her apartment and immediately she suggests that they do "69". "What the hell is that?" asks the guy.
Realizing he's inexperienced, she tries to explain,"I put my head between your legs and you put your head between mine."
Still not knowing what she's talking about, but not wanting to ruin the moment he agrees to try it.
The second they get in to the position, she lets go a RIP-ROARING fart. "What was that for?" he asks. "Oooopppps! Sorry, lets try it again" she says.
So, they get into position again, and once more she lets one loose. The guy gets up and starts to put his coat on. "Wait, where are you going?" she asks.
The guy says, "If you think I'm sticking around for 67 more of those, you're crazy !!!"
moon1
Realizing he's inexperienced, she tries to explain,"I put my head between your legs and you put your head between mine."
Still not knowing what she's talking about, but not wanting to ruin the moment he agrees to try it.
The second they get in to the position, she lets go a RIP-ROARING fart. "What was that for?" he asks. "Oooopppps! Sorry, lets try it again" she says.
So, they get into position again, and once more she lets one loose. The guy gets up and starts to put his coat on. "Wait, where are you going?" she asks.
The guy says, "If you think I'm sticking around for 67 more of those, you're crazy !!!"
moon1
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A guy works a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, ?I can?t come in today, I?m sick.? He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, ?I can?t come in today, I?m sick.?
The boss asks the foreman about him and he replies, ?He?s great. He does the work of two men. We need him.?
So the next day the boss calls the guy into his office and says, ?You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You?re a good worker and I?d hate to fire you. What?s the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol??
The guy replies, ?No I don?t drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks heavily every weekend, then beats up my sister. So every Monday morning I go over to make sure she?s alright. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know I?m fucking her.?
The boss says, ?You fuck your sister??
The guy replies, ?Hey, I told you I was sick.?
The boss asks the foreman about him and he replies, ?He?s great. He does the work of two men. We need him.?
So the next day the boss calls the guy into his office and says, ?You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You?re a good worker and I?d hate to fire you. What?s the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol??
The guy replies, ?No I don?t drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks heavily every weekend, then beats up my sister. So every Monday morning I go over to make sure she?s alright. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know I?m fucking her.?
The boss says, ?You fuck your sister??
The guy replies, ?Hey, I told you I was sick.?
i`m not done with ye` yet,uga.....take this!...
-long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. ..as the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his first mate, "bring me my red shirt!". ...the first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party....although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled....
later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties.... the crew cowered in fear, but the captain calm as ever bellowed, "bring me my red shirt!"....the battle was on, and once again the captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.....
weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the captain and asked, "sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?"....the captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "if i am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid"....
the men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man....
as dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way...the men became silent and looked to their captain for his usual command.....the captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "bring me my brown pants!".......
:rimshot
-long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. ..as the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his first mate, "bring me my red shirt!". ...the first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party....although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled....
later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties.... the crew cowered in fear, but the captain calm as ever bellowed, "bring me my red shirt!"....the battle was on, and once again the captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.....
weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the captain and asked, "sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?"....the captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "if i am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid"....
the men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man....
as dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way...the men became silent and looked to their captain for his usual command.....the captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "bring me my brown pants!".......
:rimshot
a guy tells his friend, "I just bought the best hearing aid in the world and it cost me $4000". his buddy says, "that's great, what kind is it?" he says "oh, about 9:30"
:mj07: :mj07: :mj07:
:mj07: :mj07: :mj07:
:mj07:
He rightfully tells weasie that his dumb joke won't get a good review and then posts *that?*
A senior citizen is at the doctor's office getting checked. The doc comes back in and says "I've got some bad news and some worse news. Which do you want first?"
The old guy says "give me the bad news"
Doc says "you've got cancer."
Old guy says "damn! OK, give me the worse news."
Doc says "you've got Alzheimer's"
Old guy says "that ain't so bad - at least I don't have cancer."
The old guy says "give me the bad news"
Doc says "you've got cancer."
Old guy says "damn! OK, give me the worse news."
Doc says "you've got Alzheimer's"
Old guy says "that ain't so bad - at least I don't have cancer."
