Bullfrog and Blowjobs
- Thread starter Woodson
- Start date
Amy, a blonde Texan city girl, marries a Texas rancher.
One morning, on his way out to the range to check on the cows the rancher says to Amy: "The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the Cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, Okay?" So the rancher leaves for the range.
After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down the barn. They walk along a long row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him: "This is the one..... Right here."
Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another Dizzy Blonde, the man asks, "Tell me little lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"
"That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Amy explains very confidently.
Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"
She turns to walk away, and with complete confidence, says: "I guess it's to hang your pants on......"
One morning, on his way out to the range to check on the cows the rancher says to Amy: "The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the Cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, Okay?" So the rancher leaves for the range.
After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down the barn. They walk along a long row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him: "This is the one..... Right here."
Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another Dizzy Blonde, the man asks, "Tell me little lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"
"That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Amy explains very confidently.
Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"
She turns to walk away, and with complete confidence, says: "I guess it's to hang your pants on......"
A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Alberta, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.
The old rancher says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there. The agent verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, let me tell you something, I have the authority of the Federal Government behind me .
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the farmer
See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish...on anyones land.
Even yours sod buster .
Have I made myself clear?
Do you understand?'
The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the agent running at full gallop
through the field with the farmers brama bull right behind him.
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the agent . The agent screams like a bitch. Help me farmer , help me.
The agent is clearly terrified.
The old rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs,
Your badge ! Show him your badge !
The old rancher says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there. The agent verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, let me tell you something, I have the authority of the Federal Government behind me .
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the farmer
See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish...on anyones land.
Even yours sod buster .
Have I made myself clear?
Do you understand?'
The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the agent running at full gallop
through the field with the farmers brama bull right behind him.
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the agent . The agent screams like a bitch. Help me farmer , help me.
The agent is clearly terrified.
The old rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs,
Your badge ! Show him your badge !
i have my grandfather's baltimore city police badge. it's in it's worn leather flip-case still. maybe i'll try it out with a few people soon. actually been meaning to do that for a few years. it's in my safe. i bet it works :00hour
at lunchtime,sit in your vehicle on the side of the highway and point a blow dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down....
Rekindle
Rekindle
This morning I received a phone call from an old girlfriend
who called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if
I was still around. We lost track of time, chatting about
the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together. I
couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be
interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that
'old magic.' I was flabbergasted. 'I don't
know if I could keep pace with you now,' I said,
'I'm a bit older and a bit grayer and balder than
when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the
energy I used to have.'
She just giggled and said she was sure I would 'rise to
the challenge'
'Yeah.' I said. 'Just so long as you don't
mind a man with a waistline that's a few inches wider
these days! Not to mention my lack of muscle tone...stuff
sagging, my teeth not as white and
jowls like a Great Dane!
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.? She teased
me, saying that tubby, gray-haired, older men were cute, and
she was sure I would still be a great lover.
Then she giggled,? 'I've put on quite a bit of
weight myself!'
So I told her to fuck off.
Rekindle
This morning I received a phone call from an old girlfriend
who called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if
I was still around. We lost track of time, chatting about
the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together. I
couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be
interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that
'old magic.' I was flabbergasted. 'I don't
know if I could keep pace with you now,' I said,
'I'm a bit older and a bit grayer and balder than
when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the
energy I used to have.'
She just giggled and said she was sure I would 'rise to
the challenge'
'Yeah.' I said. 'Just so long as you don't
mind a man with a waistline that's a few inches wider
these days! Not to mention my lack of muscle tone...stuff
sagging, my teeth not as white and
jowls like a Great Dane!
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.? She teased
me, saying that tubby, gray-haired, older men were cute, and
she was sure I would still be a great lover.
Then she giggled,? 'I've put on quite a bit of
weight myself!'
So I told her to fuck off.
