A man loses three fingers in a work accident.

[MadJack]

At the hospital he asks the doctor, "Will I be able to drive with this hand?"
The doctor replies, "Maybe. But I wouldn't count on it."

 

[kickserv]

At the hospital he asks the doctor, "Will I be able to drive with this hand?"
The doctor replies, "Maybe. But I wouldn't count on it."

 

[kickserv]

I went and saw my doctor the other day, and he told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked him why and he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."​

 

[kickserv]

A shrinking man visits his doctor yelling, “Doctor! Doctor! I’m getting smaller and smaller and smaller!”
His Doctor replies, “Now now, I can’t fix things right away, you’ll just have to be a little patient.”

 

[kickserv]

“Doctor, doctor! All five of my boys want to be valet when they grow up!”
“Sounds like a really bad case of parking sons disease.”

 

[kickserv]

I’ve got a disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes. The doctor says its terminal.

 

[kickserv]

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.

She told me to stop going to those places.

 

[kickserv]

I told the doctor I didn’t want brain surgery. But he changed my mind.

 

[kickserv]

Dr.'s are saying not to worry about the bird flu because it's tweetable.

 

[kickserv]

A man goes to the doctors and says, “Doctor, I think I’m going deaf!”

And the doctor says, “Can you describe the symptoms?”

The man responds, “Yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.”

 

[JOSHNAUDI]

I saw my Doc yesterday.

He said, "Don't eat anything fatty."

I said, "Ok, like brisket and burgers?"

He said, "No fatty, don't eat anything!!!"

 

[yyz]

I got a physical today. My doctor asked, "When was the last time you saw your dick?"

"Gee. It's been a while."

"Well, you should diet."

"Why? What color is it?"

 

[Snafu]

A man was admitted to the hospital today with 25 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.

Doctors have described his condition as stable.

 

[WhatsHisNuts]

 

[freelancc]

 

[kickserv]

I asked the doctor where I should put my pants during my prostate examination.


“Over there next to mine,” was not the answer I was expecting.

 

[kickserv]

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."